Where have I gone wrong?

[rainbowstardrops]

I'm at my wit's end. DS is 15. He is just so utterly rude, grumpy, disrespectful and nasty!
I ask him 'nicely' so many times to do something/please don't do something and he just ignores everything.
After the zillionth request i suggested we need a family meeting to agree some ground rules .............. HE WENT BALLISTIC!!!
I'm the only mum that moans blah blah blah.
I usually try to let it wash over me but he's just so nasty towards me. everything is my doing. Naturally.
We try to support him in EVERYTHING that he wants. We even funded a school trip to New York that we really couldn't easily afford. His attitude didn't even improve then!
I've just asked him why he's so angry towards me bearing in mind his dad is rarely here (always for the good bits) so of course it's me here 24/7 but I do everything for him and the nastiness that came from him was horrible.
I try so hard not to tear up in front of him because he throws that at me too, so I took his phone and when more nastiness came out, I snatched his dinner (that I'd cooked after being on the go all day) and threw it in the bin
We don't have money but I've always tried to teach my kids that manners, respect ect cost nothing.
I don't even know why I'm posting. Just want someone to rant to I suppose

There is a book called 'Divas And Door-slammers' by Charlie Taylor, in which he talks about the changes that happen in a teenager's brain during adolescence - apparently the brain is restructuring during that time, and whilst this happens, they lose some abilities - like impulse control, temper control, empathy etc - hence a lot of the teenage tantrums and attitude problems.

What he does say is that, once the changes in the brain settle down, these abilities do return - I haven't got the book any more, but if I recall correctly, he describes it as being almost a sort of temporary brain damage. I know it doesn't make the behaviour any better, but knowing why it happens and that it isn't forever may make it easier to grit your teeth through it.

I had absolute nightmares with ds3 - lots of door slamming, name calling, hair-trigger temper etc - but he is now 18 and has largely come out the other side of it - he can control his temper much better, is independent, motivates himself to do his work (at school over the last year or so, and now, at university), and generally seems to have matured and grown up.

Rant away - it does help!

Thank you so much for just replying to me!!!
I feel so, so alone with it all. I have friends with kids the same age but I can't KEEP moaning to them!
I will definitely look for that book, thank you

I also try to think of it as 'just a phase' but the hellish colic (sp) only lasted a few months, the 'terrible twos' a bit longer.
This might be YEARS yet!!!

Unless there is something else going on such as bullying at school (I hope not for both your sakes) it's probably just hormones.

All I can tell you is my son was an absolute nightmare when he was 15 - screaming, shouting, throwing things around the room, nearly got expelled from school, you name it!

Three years on he's an absolute diamond (well almost ) and we are very proud of him. He's studying Biology at uni, has a lovely circle of friends and remembers his manners most of the time. What more could a mother ask?

Hang on in there it will get better!

Thank you. Thank you so much. Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel!