teens with no motivation, no idea what career they want.

[triplets]

Hi am struggling atm with two out of three of my triplets, they will be 18 in Jan. One is now at an army college, living the dream and earning £14000 a year. My dd is at college in her 2nd year doing art and design, she has a real talent. She hasn't a clue as yet what she wants to do with this talent. Just vaguely says she will probably go to uni, would like to go to London! We live on pensions so have no money to help fund her. She just dreams I think of hanging about living the student life. That's ok if she knows what she wants to do and starts working towards it. Her brother is currently at 6th form and hating it. I blame the college its been in special measures for over two years and had got through three heads. He is only there because he failed a medical last year (under weight and wearing a dental brace) to join the Royal Marines Band Service as a drummer. He has always wanted to do this and he is excellent as he plays with the local Air Traing Corps. He has now decided he doesnt want to do that, a huge disappointment :(. He says he has just changed his mind but he now hasnt a clue what he wants to do. I think he feels he wont be up to the initial marines training, it is tough. Listening to his brother undergoing army training I think has put him off. Feel abit bogged down with worry atm. My dh is in remission from advanced bowel cancer and also now has been diagnosed with Parkinsons which is affecting him greatly. Just dont know how I can help them. Thanks for reading. x

Hi Triplets, my DS is maybe rather similar (albeit 2 yrs younger).

Is your demotivated son likely to complete some A-levels next May, so he'll have UCAS points?

So sorry to hear about your dh. That must be a huge worry for you. I think it's quite normal to not know what they want to do at this age. It sounds like your children are actually doing well. I ended up doing a degree in languages and accountancy and later doing an MA in Social Work so wish I'd thought about it and had some better advice! However, I did meet my dh doing the language and accountancy degree, so all was not in vain! My ds is currently in the first year of A levels and doesn't have a clue what he wants to do, and my dd is in Year 9 and wants to be in a band despite not being able to sing or play an instrument well

It sounds as though failing the medical has maybe knocked his confidence and is making the whole thing feel very unattainable, which has made him give up.

It sounds like your whole family has had a lot to cope with with your husbands illnesses, it is bound to take a toll.

I don't think you should worry about the teens not knowing what they want to do yet. The world is huge, and there are so many decisions and possibilities. The good thing is that they are working towards something even if they don't necessarily know what that something is. I don't have teens yet myself, but I am 28 and I still haven't got a clue what I want to do. This time in their lives is about trying things out and figuring out how they fit into the world. It can be hard when you feel you don't have the money to support endless courses or lifestyle changes, but I think they are still quite young, and maybe it isn't quite time to be worrying just yet.

Also, please be careful that you don't fall into the trap of comparing them to the one that is in army college. I don't think you are now, but it would be very easy to.

It must be really tough to have 3 to watch going through this at the same time though. Hats off to you. You have a lot on your plate but you sound like a lovely mum.

Your DD is doing the right thing, once she starts her degree she will be introduced to potential careers that she has never even heard of. Potentially 4 years from now there could be careers that don't even exist today. Picking a career first is not the only way.

Poor you.

What subjects is he doing at college?

Oh ladies thank you so much for your very good advice. I just sometimes feel so bogged down with it all. I suppose for the last 8 years since the big C came along I have had to do the lions share of bringing them up, juggling all their needs. They are all so totally different. My son at 6th form is resitting maths, plus ITC and media studies. I suppose as you say I am worrying prematurely, just want them to be happy and enjoy their lives. Always worrying about money, our car has just cost us £800 in 3 weeks for repairs! We will get there, I have lived through worse. Thank you all for your kindness and help. x

I agree with cdtaylornats, getting a degree in art and design will open up a huge world of careers. As long as your dd does not have some kind of romantic 'fine art' dream of being the next Tracey Emin, then there are many jobs for commercial artists and designers - from digital web based design (somebody designed the Mumsnet site!), to birthday cards, packaging, advertising, fashion, media - including film. Everywhere we look there are visual images created by someone. Perhaps your dd just needs to focus on these various commercial uses of art to give herself an idea what she's most interested in.

triplets, has your ds in sixth form considered other uniformed services, such as the police or fire service. I don't know what the entry requirements are but perhaps the physical training won't be as tough.

It might sound ridiculous, but how about getting him to browse a careers directory? Might give him more of an idea of what is available. Or even browsing a list of degree courses that would be available with his qualifications?

Sounds like you've had a very hard time of it OP, poor you.