17 yr old thinks im mean

[Charlieivor2015]

I need someone to rant, my daughter who is 17 lives with her dad and his wife, she constantly asking me for money I mean its every week and wont take no for answer, both me and her dad agreed no more til she appreciates it, but yet im the mean onefor telling her no, she talks to me like crap, only contacts me when she wants money, which I have gave her in the past, she doesn't spend any time with my other kids,, help I don't know what to do xxx

Hello,

Fellow ranter here! One of the best things about MN is that there will be someone who has been there/done that....

If she is getting a fair amount of money as pocket money/allowance which she could reasonably be expected to survive on, then your only job is to love her, stand firm and just say no. I think it is hard to be tough, but to give in to her demands when she is being rude and ungrateful will not help her grow up into a kind, sensible and responsible adult. I find it helps to try and look in to the future and aim for where you want to get them to. She has to learn to manage her money and to behave civilly. She doesn't have to like you right now, in fact, thinking you are mean is quite normal for teenagers. I think it is a trap to feel we have to be mates with our kids all the time. Tough love! It is finding that way to say 'I love you, but I'm not giving you any cash', then standing firm and not getting drawn into the arguments.

The only other thing that strikes me is that you say that she doesn't live with you. Is there back-story that means you might feel you should be giving her money (and that isn't fishing for details, but just something I wondered)? It sounds like you and her father have good communication which will help you get through this.

Good luck. I know it is painful, but it sounds like you are doing the right thing.
x

Rant away! If only they could see theirselves the way we see them.
I'm told they grow out of this phase, but I am still waiting...