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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Don't ever lose hope

15 replies

Doinmummy · 10/10/2015 22:08

Not sure if anyone remembers my many threads about the awful trouble I was having with my DD.

It was absolutely the darkest time of my life. Drugs , violence, expelled from school, arrested . She ended up being taken into care for a few days as SS deemed it too dangerous for her to stay at home.

I was urged to kick her out but I just couldn't do it. I ended up having 6 months off work due to the stress.

Anyway fast forward. She has been in an apprenticeship since Feb and is loving it. She's helpful and chatty. I've sold our house and we're moving to a smaller one - she's been amazing , helping clear out all the junk, reassuring me it will all be ok when the sale looked a bit iffy.

I can't believe the change in her . She's dumped her dodgy boyfriend , I've seen no evidence of her taking drugs and she's forging new friendships with a couple of nice girls.

So my message to all parents of troubled teens is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I had all but given up hope and am still nervous that things may go tits up again, but just for today life is actually ok.

OP posts:

hesterton · 10/10/2015 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsWazowski · 10/10/2015 22:13

That's lovely, so glad everything worked out. My experience is that they seem to come round a bit by 16. My DDs are 19 and 16, so just got there too

Original poster

Doinmummy · 10/10/2015 22:15

It was almost an overnight thing! One day she was calling me a C**t the next she had calmed right down and behaving normally.

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DramaAlpaca · 10/10/2015 22:22

I remember your threads. That's really good news for both of you.

Haffdonga · 10/10/2015 22:25

I remember you and your dd well doin. Congratulations to you both for getting through those dark days. And I'm sure, even if she never admits it, your dd will look back and be grateful that you stuck by her when she tried every trick in the book to destroy her relationship with you.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 10/10/2015 22:34

Thankyou. She has jokingly mentioned that I stuck with it when she was so awful, I've taken that as an apology. She has also thanked me for dragging her to the job interview. I take each day as it comes and go to bed so thankful that things are so much better .

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RachelZoe · 10/10/2015 23:21

That's brilliant!

It's funny how quickly people can just change isn't it.

Just for a longer term success story, my brother was similar, just a complete and utter nightmare, police, drugs, whole bit. When he was 17 he just snapped and really almost overnight (maybe within a few weeks really), he just stopped and has been an absolute doll ever since (He's in his late 30's now). The local police actually checked in with my parents after a few months to see if he was ok as they hadn't seen him in so long .

He is a successful, balanced and happy person. Well done you for sticking with her, long may it continue!

Haggisfish · 10/10/2015 23:30

I remember your threads. I'm delighted for both of you. Very unmn hugs!!

Original poster

Doinmummy · 10/10/2015 23:37

I wonder what happens to them to bring on such a turn around ? Perhaps we can have that conversation a few years from now.Maybe I'll never know and I guess it doesn't really matter anyway.

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Travelledtheworld · 14/10/2015 06:39

I remember you Doin. You really were having a hard time weren't you ?
Thanks for the update and well done !
Hope the house move goes well too.

OffMyAyersRocker · 14/10/2015 06:45

I remember you too.

My dsis was like this for a few years. A real nightmare. To look at her now you'd never know about the drugs etc.

She has 3 dc of her own with the eldest being 18. I can confirm karma is a bitch

TuTru · 21/10/2015 20:56

This is a great post. Gives me hope, so thanks for sharing and well done for sticking with it.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 21/10/2015 22:59

I can honestly say it has been the worse year of my life and I'm still nervous things will go back to being so bad. But just for today we are ok xx

As for sticking with it - I felt I had no choice . She is my daughter - it's what mums do.

Having spoken to many people about their troubled teens I feel this is a bigger problem than anyone realises and so little help is out there.

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threenotfour · 21/10/2015 23:01

Thank you for posting this. I needed to hear it today! Thank you.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 21/10/2015 23:25

Hang in there. It's so hard and my heart goes out to anyone struggling.

I took part in a little known and extremely hard to get therapy called MST. It was a form of tough love. For every misdemeanour there was a consequence. So, for example, if there was any violence or property destruction , I HAD to call 999. If DD went out without my permission , I HAD to follow her. If she didn't come home in time I HAD to go out and hunt her down. It was exhausting and (as the therapist said ) things got a whe lot worse before they got better.

I think they are trying to make this therapy more widely available but as with all these things it's hard for local authorities to get funding.at the moment it is only available if the child is at risk of going into care or being arrested etc. I think intervention needs to be available much sooner.

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