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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Proud of DS Thread

100 replies

Drew64 · 05/10/2015 16:22

Our DS has been talking to a girl he met through school friends online, Skype.
She lives with her parents in Dubai (Expats)
They have met, earlier this year. They were back in the uk for a few weeks on holiday.
They have really taken a shine to each other (smitten)

Our DS turns 16 in December and he did want everyone to give him money for his birthday and Christmas so he could buy himself a gaming PC but he's not changed his mind.
He said he wants the money to go out to Dubai to gee his GF, how sweet it that!

So DW and I have had a long chat, we've spoken to her parents and have now booked him on a flight shortly after he breaks up for Christmas.

I'm so proud of the sacrifice he is making.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 05/10/2015 20:37

"i don't think that being obsessed with girls makes them Neanderthal."

But wanting to visit a girlfriend for the sole purpose of getting a shag is Neanderthal.............

myotherusernameisbetter · 05/10/2015 20:47

Since this is meant to be a "proud of DS" thread - I'm proud of mine :o

age 14, has been a bit gobby from time to time and soooo disorganised about stuff - underneath it all a good lad though.

Anyway in the last couple of months he appears to have grown up. not quite sure what is going on he is having sensible and engaging conversations, enrolled himself for DofE, making good choices at school and stretching himself a bit, moved on from a friend as he was racist and just came home with an almost perfect report card. Maybe it's just a phase but he (and we) are so much happier - he is still spending waaay to much time gaming but feel it's difficult to moan about that since everything else seems so good and he is getting everything done that he needs to. I'm so hoping it's not just a phase :o

Back to the OP, it's possibly a good thing that the lad is showing an interest in experiences rather than things and not all 16 year olds are sex obsessed, but I don't think it's a good idea to allow him to travel over there on his own etc. but he definitely isn't sacrificing anything as he is still the one that is benefiting out of this. I'd say he is probably being set up for a broken heart tbh.

scatterthenuns · 05/10/2015 20:57

OP, do come back and tell us how it goes. I'm really interested!

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 05/10/2015 21:16

Ok I miss read the op, so apart from the fact they have indeed met face to face and I aknowleged that not all 16 year olds are raving 'shagheads' inactially know one that isn't. My concerns still stand.

Certainly the flight and the parents being so far away. And it could still be not everything he expects it to be. Teenage relationships are insanely complicated.

I'm not sure it's the most sensible thing to do from either side. Therex dangers to the lad as well as the girl here. I'm just surprised its been encouraged!

Oh well op has flounced off so

jonicomelately · 05/10/2015 21:27

I don't know if I agree Betrand I think it's just a biological thing that boys are obsessed with the idea of sex.

BertrandRussell · 05/10/2015 22:04

"I don't know if I agree Betrand I think it's just a biological thing that boys are obsessed with the idea of sex."

Possibly. But don't you expect their behaviour to be better than their thinking?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 06/10/2015 02:39

I don't know if I agree Betrand I think it's just a biological thing that boys are obsessed with the idea of sex.

Sorry don't quite agree with this at all. A) I don't think it's just males that are obsessed with sex, in fact hasn't there been research to say women think about sex more than men?! But even if there hasn't I'm pretty sure we've all met or seen those characters who clearly like it a lot.
b) I don't think it applies to all boys/men at all, I think that's such a sweeping statement. Yes I think teenagers of both sexes get maybe a little over excited. But some just don't devolop the urge, many although some times being a bit single minded know the social boundries of behaviour around sex.
And if by biological thing you mean hormonal them yes of course it is, that's why it's more apparent in teenagers their bodies are raging with new hormones that they can't control but again this applies to girls as well.

jonicomelately · 06/10/2015 09:05

I'm not saying boys can't all control their urges. What I am saying is that there are urges and in boys this age they are bloody strong!

Girls have these urges too, of course they do, but this thread is about a boy.

Sparklingbrook · 06/10/2015 09:08

Some teen boys are obsessed with sex and some aren't surely? They are also able to control any urges too.

jonicomelately · 06/10/2015 09:11

I agree Sparkling I was speaking very generally as most of us do on here but I really believe it's accepted thinking that teenage boys think about sex a lot (as a general rule). Surely nobody seriously disagrees with that statement?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 06/10/2015 09:15

I don't think all teenage boys are obsessed with sex.

I do think if my 16 year old ds1 was going to stay with a girl he fancied then he would be thinking about sex.

Of course he can control himself and he wouldn't sleep with a 14 year old but a girl his own age? That's what he would be thinking about Grin

SleepyForest · 06/10/2015 09:17

I think it is very romantic. I'm sure they are both caught up in very intense emotions. The age gap and the distance probably make it all the sweeter. They are a bit star crossed though, I would expect this whole thing to end in tears.

Sparklingbrook · 06/10/2015 09:18

It's hard to say of a teenage boy is obsessed with sex. Surely that would be in their mind?

On the face of it my teens seem to be obsessed with FIFA 16 and Liverpool FC, and anything car related.

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 09:23

I have 14 and 15 year old boys, I don't know what goes in their mind, but it mainly seems to be computers and gaming - no outward signs of anything else and no girlfriends or interest in girls apparent yet either - they are definitely young men now physically but still seem like young boys otherwise.

Sparklingbrook · 06/10/2015 09:26

Ah no myother it's all a ruse. They must actually be sex mad, you just don't know it. Wink

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 09:41

yeah clearly! Wink I get a bit fed up with the vilification of teenage boys and also men on here sometimes. People are people, some are nice, some are twats, gender doesn't really seem to be a factor.

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 09:43

I still think the scenario from the OP is not a good idea but for other reasons than it obviously being some rampant 16 year old boy going over to a foreign country to force his wicked way on some innocent young girl....

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 09:51

I still think the scenario from the OP is not a good idea but for other reasons than it obviously being some rampant 16 year old boy going over to a foreign country to force his wicked way on some innocent young girl....

jonicomelately · 06/10/2015 10:19

I'm actually quite pissed off now. I have a teenage boy and he is lovely and I would never want anybody to vilify him or his friends. Saying that they think about sex a lot is not vilifying them. It's perfectly bloody normal Hmm

Sparklingbrook · 06/10/2015 10:21

I think there is an assumption on MN that all teen boys are obsessed with sex and are always thinking about it/looking for it and can't control themselves. Like a dog on heat if you will. That is not normal.

You only have to look at threads about mixed sex sleepover to see it.

jonicomelately · 06/10/2015 10:26

I have never said boys can't control their urges Sparkling not would I ever. Please then don't assume that I would based upon the comments made by other posters in a completely different thread.

usual · 06/10/2015 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 06/10/2015 10:30

Ok joni. Confused Not that I was assuming anything about what you posted in particular.

jonicomelately · 06/10/2015 10:37

That's not how I read it Sparkling but we'll have to agree to disagree I suppose. I really don't mind being jumped on for something I've said bit it does kind of annoy me when I'm criticised for comments other posters have made Confused

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/10/2015 10:38

When I said vilifying, I wasn't just referring to this thread, there just seems to be a lot of negativity towards boys and men. I've said that before, but I am also aware that being the "owner" of boys and not girls, maybe I just notice it more.

I've also noticed it at school - the boys all got a lecture about not contributing as much or being proactive in the charity groups - however they fail to take into account that the vast majority of the boys are members of Scouts/BBs and Cadets and get involved in lots of charity work e.g. supporting food banks etc. but the girls (who are less involved in these organisations GB and GG are vastly smaller in the area) are held up as contributing more to the community and get awards at school for it.