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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

I'm terrified dd is pregnant

26 replies

Ravingloony · 09/08/2015 19:27

Dd16 has messed up her contraception. Just started patches but somehow managed to stop them too early which put her at risk of being pregnant. We managed to get the morning after pill but it was 60 hours after the event before we realised so its not as effective. I'm worried sick. How could she have been so stupid and why didn't she use a condom? Apparently they usually do. If she is pg then she won't keep it and we will have all the upset of a termination. I just can't stop crying and there is nothing I can do until we know for sure

OP posts:

magimedi · 09/08/2015 19:31

Must be so worrying & upsetting.

But at least she has decided which route to go down so you have that agony over with.

And you never know, maybe the test will be negative.

PotteringAlong · 09/08/2015 19:32

If she is pg then she won't keep it

That's not really your call to make.

You know the chances are that she's not pregnant, don't you?

Alanna1 · 09/08/2015 19:34

You should be flattered and praising her for telling you?? I'd be pleased if when my girls are 16 they told me this so that we could try for the moening after pill and also pleased that they were discussing contraception with me, and - fingers crossed she's not pregnant - a good lesson about using condoms too.

ApparentlyImDoingItAllWrong · 09/08/2015 19:36

Pottering I don't think that the OP was saying that she will decide that the daughter won't keep it I think she was just saying that the daughter has already decided that she won't be keeping it. That's how I read it anyway.

Original poster

Ravingloony · 09/08/2015 19:38

Yes its her saying she would not keep it. Totally her decision not mine.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2015 19:39

I would be relieved at that decision, tbh. All you can do is sit and wait - horrible, isn't it? I hope this is the lesson she needs to learn to treat contraception seriously and am really glad she can confide in you.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 09/08/2015 19:40

How soon can she test?

Sparklingbrook · 09/08/2015 19:40

I think it sounds like you and your DD have a good relationship and it's good that you are in the loop.

Don't cry, just wait until you know one way or the other and take it from there.

Cynara · 09/08/2015 19:42

You must both be very worried, I'm so sorry. Try to keep in mind that chances are she's not pregnant. She's taken the morning after pill within the 72 hour window, and there's every chance she wasn't ovulating around the time of intercourse anyway. Obviously that's very cold comfort right now, but try to be calm and keep things in perspective.

And in any case, you should be very proud that your dd can confide in you. She'll never forget the way you handle this, and whatever the outcome the fact that she's come to you is testament to your strong relationship.

Original poster

Ravingloony · 09/08/2015 19:44

Well I've read that you should wait 3 weeks after the "event" but I'm sure that's too long. Maybe 2 weeks.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ravingloony · 09/08/2015 19:48

Tbh this has brought us closer together as things have not been great in our house. She even gave me a hug last night - that hasn't happened since I can't remember.

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3littlebadgers · 09/08/2015 19:53

I agree with everyone who has said how wonderful your relationship must be for her to feel as if she could confide in you. I would never have been able to talk to my parents about such things and even struggled to tell them I was pregnant as a grown married woman.

Secondly the chance of her becoming pregnant are very slim with everything you have described. Plus think about all of those trying to conceive, doing everything to encourage conception and it still takes ages.

Try to focus on how great your relationship is for now until you know more. It sounds as if she has had a fright and if nothing else I am pretty sure she will be much more careful in the future.

Original poster

Ravingloony · 09/08/2015 20:01

I'm trying to stay positive. Its funny coz we haven't got a great relationship, or we didn't but I guess she knows she can come to me if she needs help and I've told her that. I just have to stay positive.

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Cynara · 09/08/2015 20:03

I've just thought - have you discussed alternative contraception methods? Maybe an implant might be a good move for her, so in future she knows for sure that she's covered. I imagine that this episode will be a nasty shock and it might make her feel more confident to know she had a long-term method in place to ensure she doesn't have to go through this again.

firebladeklover · 09/08/2015 20:06

Just tell her it's not the end of the world and if she's pregnant you'll help her get a termination of course. Nobody wants an abortion, what they want is to be not pregnant, so........

THAT'll be the steep learning curve.

Original poster

Ravingloony · 09/08/2015 20:09

She did all the research herself about contraception and decided this was best for her. I did not even know she had arranged this or even that she had a serious bf so it shows just how close we weren't! She has only been on it for 2 weeks! How could she mess up. Its not complicated. Anyhow maybe a change might be in order. Teens think they know it all.

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mylaptopismylapdog · 09/08/2015 20:36

Sorry, this is a horrible time for both of you. She has a Mum she knows she can rely on for support. You have a daughter who has shown that she knows she can trust you when it counts and was responsible enough to do her own research and make her own decisions. Strikes me that you have a good basis to find the way through this together if she is pregnant.
Some pregnancy test can be done 4 days before period is due but may not be as reliable as one done after period is missed.You may have already found this page it has details or organisations that might be useful www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/pregnancy-test.aspx#close
X

BuggersMuddle · 09/08/2015 20:39

Okay, have wandered on from Active, so will freely admit not teenage children. I think it's great your DD has researched contraception, confided in you and decided a course of action. I can't fathom going condomless at 16 though, especially if BF is the same age. They might all be lovely and responsible etc, but I didn't ditch condoms with my first really serious BF / DP until we'd both been to GUM and were agreed on contraception. We were very young to my eyes now, but we were not 16.

Fingers crossed everything works out OP (and statistically it should do), but either way, I'd be talking about sexual health as well as pregnancy.

backonthewagon · 09/08/2015 20:41

i was on the patch. you change them at the start of week 1, 2 and 3 then at the start of week 4 you have a break. did she have her break too early?

Original poster

Ravingloony · 09/08/2015 20:54

Yes. She had the break too early. Then realised a couple of days later.
Dd and bf have both been to the gum clinic and been tested but I agree its no excuse not to use condoms. Hope they realise this now.

OP posts:

NeverGoOutOfStyle · 09/08/2015 22:18

Could she get a IUD? You can use an IUD as emergency contraception up to five days after the event www.nhs.uk/Conditions/contraception-guide/Pages/emergency-contraception.aspx#emergency, and it lasts for five years after its been put in so it might be a good idea for her?

Original poster

Ravingloony · 09/08/2015 23:11

Its too late for an IUD and wouldn't the doc have suggested it if it was better?
Thank you all for your kind comments and support. I am grateful

OP posts:

starfish4 · 10/08/2015 10:23

My heart goes out to you and your daughter - like any Mum I think I can feel what you're going through and thinking.

One positive thing is that she feels she can talk to you, so do keep the lines open for both of you. Unfortunately, it is a waiting game and there may be nothing to worry about. If she is pregnant then you can both get advice and support, and deal with it rather than worrying.

When I was pregnant with DD, I tested 28 days after my last period (when it was due) and the line changed immediately, so I'd say to test when she thinks she would be due (appreciate may be hard with contraception changes) or 14/15 days after the event.

Original poster

Ravingloony · 10/08/2015 17:42

I'm not sure if she will remember how I am supporting her now. She doesn't like that I am saying bf is as much to blame for this situation and she is taking full responsibility for it. Tbh I don't even know if he knows the full seriousness of what's going on. I have been given strict instructions not to interfere and I don't want to push her away at this time. I don't think she is mature enough to be having a sexual relationship. She would disagree .

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sillygiraffe · 10/08/2015 17:50

I really feel for you. I hope it turns out OK for you both. What is it with teens these days. They do think that they know it all and that they are so grown up. When something like this happens it shows that they are not. And why are they not using condoms? I thought it was drummed into them all the time at college and school.

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