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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

So sad for my lonely ds

12 replies

Jerseyknit · 06/08/2015 22:18

He's been excluded yet again by his friendship group. He's an only child and we don't really have any other family. He's such a sociable little thing but has spent most of the holidays in his own. My heart absolutely breaks for him. is there anything I can do to help him? Does anyone have any experience of this? He has a couple of other friends but they have other plans.

OP posts:
notquitegrownup2 · 06/08/2015 22:24

Oh bless. It's heartbreaking to watch, isn't it?

Has he tried a martial arts class, like Karate? It's great as you don't need friends to join - you don't have to wait for anyone to pass a ball to you, but you see the same people each week and so tend to get to know each other well and to have fun together. It would then give him something to talk to his existing friends about when he goes back to school.

HTH

Original poster
Jerseyknit · 06/08/2015 22:29

Thanks so much. Yes, he did karate for years and other sporty hobbies but he's reached an age where he's outgrown those hobbies. He has another hobby but it involves the other boys from the group and he can't do it in his own. He just looks so hurt and we've had tears. I just wish I could help. He seems so vulnerable. I don't think there's really much I can do is there Sad

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 06/08/2015 22:35

How old is he?

Could you book him into some new activites during the holidays to meet new people?

FadedRed · 06/08/2015 22:37

What about something like Red Cross or St Johns Ambulance? Or Air/Sea/Army Cadets? Get a different group of friends and learn new stuff/ feel useful?

Effic · 06/08/2015 22:44

Just my opinion but this has worked for a similar situation with a friend so ...... Invite them over. If you are at home in the holiday then invite as many as you can over for as many days as you can. If he's too shy, scared to ask - you ring up parents and ask. Most kids are so bored by now / parents so desperate for childcare (!) that they'll jump at the chance to do anything different so invite them over. Plan at least one thing to do that is a bit different so that coming to your house is 'fun' and breaks the ice if shyness is an issue. You don't say how old your DS is but make pizza from scratch with them for lunch, buy a water slide (not expensive) and let them get soaked if you have a garden, buy as many cans of crazy string as you can afford and let them go for it in a laser tag style way, go to the park but with tennis rackets/cricket bat/football and change the game ever 20 mins or so. Don't invite just one or two boys as they might just drop him again when school starts so work your way around the group and invite as many as you can (not togther!) for as often as you can. Some parents (who can) may then reciprocate but if they don't ce la vie. Hopefully by the time school comes around, he will have some shared holiday experiences with a few members of the group.

Is there a reason do you think? And I say this as a mother of a only child (boy)? Is it shyness? Or unwillingness to compromise? Or what? Try and gently unpick why and see if you can support?

Good luck

SparkleSoiree · 06/08/2015 22:51

Is your local area running any sort of summer activities? Check out their website to see if anything is listed. May be worth a shot at your lad meeting other children locally.

MurielWoods · 06/08/2015 23:03

How old is he OP?

My DS Is 14 and is a bit like this but he has always enjoyed his own company and seems quite content.

Has he said he feels sad and lonely?

It's such a horrible worry xx

Original poster
Jerseyknit · 06/08/2015 23:04

Thanks so much everyone. Great ideas. HIs friends have given no reason they've simply excluded him from trips to the park and all other group activities. There's a ring leader. He's been excluded by this boy before and sadly he is the popular boy so DS has had to accept it. He's an outgoing and confident boy but not quite as malleable as the others. Maybe the ring leader finds him competition. Maybe I'm overthinking things.

I don't actually know any of the parents and he's a teenager so I don't think he would be happy if I contacted parents although I have been encouraging him to invite other friends over. I think I'm probably more upset than he is. I feel bad he only has me and I'm just his boring old mum Grin. I've just had cuddles with him and he seems fine. We've got a holiday coming up and ive borrowed a friends pet to get him to help look after. thanks everyone for ideas.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jerseyknit · 06/08/2015 23:10

Muriel. No he's said he's fine. I just might be projecting. He loves the company of others and loves nothing more than being sociable. He might be a bit overbearing sometimes. Either way I don't think he presents with anything too challenging. I tried to get him in to cadets but he got bored. He's quite nerdy and would rather play board games. He has just informed me he's joined a online gaming community. He's tajen me through the group and they're a nice bunch of kids. He will be back to school in a few weeks and things will probably go back to normal.

OP posts:
coffeenowalnuts · 06/08/2015 23:15

I like Effic's idea. You could tell him it's a small garden party for one or two friends, to not get his hopes up, but actually invite as many kids as you can get hold of? Or distract him with as much time away from the house as possible?

DS has been there, and is still going through it in his late teens really. I wish we could form some kind of support group on MN to introduce lonely kids to each other!

Canyouforgiveher · 06/08/2015 23:30

I wouldn't be a teenager again for anything - it really is an awful time in many ways. If it is any consolation, I think no other stage of life is as raw and emotional.

I have 2 teens at home this summer - one Miss Popularity being called/texted/invited by friends all the time. the other ... just not. It really is hard.

I agree about inviting people over. Or also maybe trying to get tickets for something good - new movie/show/game and have him invite a friend.

Angelto5 · 07/08/2015 00:40

Sounds a little like my ds (16) but he is the eldest of 5 so I try to encourage time for himself ,so he does volunteering with the local canal trust & seems to get on really well with adults.It makes him feel good about himself (also good for uni/college aplications).
Would you ds been interested in volunteering ?-it doesn't have to be a group it could be local businesses or elderly neighbours?You mentioned looking after a friends pet -how about offering to walk people's dogs?
My ds also has downtime on an evening playing his xbox 360 on live (talking to people through a headset who are located around the globe) - is this what your son does?If so I count that as being very sociable as they work in co-op on most games.

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