Jealousy problems with 12 yr old dd

[Barberella40]

Hi, I wondered if anyone could give me advice on how to help my 12 year old dd with jealousy. She has always been dramatic, it's her nature but as she is hitting teens jelousy is getting the better of her and ruining her friendships and Causing huge problems which I don't think I can solve with her younger brother who is 10. She spends a lot of time crying about friendships and is spending more and more time on her own in her room. I can't decide if this is normal behaviour for a 12 year old girl or if I should be worried. She started her periods in Jan and seems to be dealing with it ok, so not sure if just hormones. But if anyone has any time in how I can help her with jelousy I would much appreciate it. At the moment she just gets upset if I try and talk to her and she thinks I'm just sticking up for other people.... Thanks all..

Can you elaborate on the jealousy? What is she jealous of?

She's jelous of everything, if her friends talk to other girls, she struggles to cope in a group of 3 as she feels she is left out, if other kids have something she wants and I won't give her. Her younger brother adores her and wants to be like her, if he wants to watch a TV program she likes or if he likes a pop group she likes, pretty much everything. She just has a complete melt down everytime. She has always enjoyed dancing, her brother wanted to try ballet after watching Billy Elliot, I've always said both my children will get the same chances so have allowed him to do ballet which he enjoys, but she cannot cope with this, I do understand this to a degree, however he does a different dance to her. She just does not seem to be able to manage any feelings with regards to jelousy..

I'd take her to a GP, and ask for help managing this.

Ordinarily, I would say "wait it out". Most girls go through friendship agonies during the pre/early teen years. Buy your dd's jealousy sounds like a more extreme behaviour. Possibly jealousy resulting from low self esteem. Maybe focus on raising that rather than tackling the jealousy head on.

I suppose the key question is why does she have such strong feelings of jealousy? Or is it a sense that everyone is laughing at her because of such and such?

I remember when I was about 10/11 and my dsis was 14/15, I wasn't allowed to talk to her in public because she was convinced I was showing her up. Even if we passed each other in the corridor at school, she would look straight through me. Very odd. Thankfully we were only at the same secondary school for a year before she left. Even when I was badly bullied, my dsis was furious at me for telling because I was "showing her up". She's lovely now though.

Thank you for all your input. I don't feel she is depressed as 1-1 she is a very happy chatty girl. The self esteem issue makes sense so will look into that. She has always been a very dramatic (typical redhead) girl since year dot. Thanks all