Self harming teenager

[GnomeDePlume]

Apologies for this. I just need to write this down.

I am starting to think of the self-harm as being a parasite, like threadworms or head lice. It isnt the person, it is something feeding off the host teenager. Also, it is contagious.

And like thread worms or head lice it is extremely unlikely to clear up on its own.

My DD first started self harming about 2 years ago when she was 13. This outbreak was apparently in response to a difficult, bullying friendship. It was apparently just a week of scratching and cutting herself with scissors.

We reacted by surrounding DD with love and tried to help her build her confidence and distance herself from this bullying friendship. It seemed that the problem was solved.

Then about 6 months ago I noticed marks on DD's legs. Not cuts this time. I asked DD about them and got brushed off. I wasnt sure what the problem was but I was fairly sure it wasnt totally innocent. At the same time DD was 15 so I didnt feel in a position to force her to get help except in the practical sense of going to see the nurse to make sure that the marks on her legs were healing.

DD started leaving her legs exposed but was now covering her arms. Once or twice she would not cover up completely and I would see a mark. I asked her about these marks and would get brushed off.

Fast forward to yesterday. DD came downstairs with vomit on her clothes. In the early hours she had taken a shed load of paracetamol and other over the counter tablets. She was vomiting, feeling very ill. On medical advice (we are literally round the corner from our doctor who DH saw within 5 minutes) DH took DD to A&E. DD is now in hospital receiving treatment to protect her liver while the tablets work through.

Now looking back I can see that we made the mistake of thinking that the initial self harming would cure itself. It didnt and I wonder if our treatment made the problem worse by both rewarding the self harm and also pushing it out of sight. We didnt talk about the self harm, we wanted DD to focus on what we saw as the cause.

This was our mistake. We should have got help immediately for that first outbreak. Now the infection of self harm is worse. DD is older so her self harm has got more sophisticated. What a mess this is. We didnt do enough. We didnt take this seriously enough. Because of that DD has risked her life.

I spoke to the nurse in the children's ward where DD has been admitted. They see half a dozen or more self harm patients a week. So there are probably hundreds of families going through this today. If you are one of them you have my heartfelt sympathy.

A little update, the psych felt the depression symptoms and anxiety symptoms weren't classic and ran full bloods. DD is too low on vitamin D which causes severe tiredness. Her thyroid results have had her referred straight to a consultant endocrinologist. She is representing as sub clinical hyperthyroid. Looking back all the symptoms were there. She has been struggling with an illness for about a year which coincides with the start of cutting. No wonder the propranolol worked. I know graves comes and goes in waves and it helps explain the loss of a stone over the summer.

Also started on ADs last week and she says she felt more together as soon as she felt something physical was done to deal with how she was feeling.

This may not be all the answer but I wonder how helpful a routine blood screening would be for many young people.

Hope you are all coping. With love and .

That must be a relief to you both. I'm sorry you had to wait so long to get closer to the bottom of it but I really hope this is the beginning of the road back to better times for your DD and you.

How are you Scout? How's your DS?

Well to be honest it's been a pretty fraught couple of weeks. DD (DS2 is the one I've been neglecting recently!) was having full on panic attacks at school - heart racing, dizziness, sweats, shakes, nausea - getting to the door of a classroom and refusing the fence at the last moment, cutting, not eating, sharing dark, dark thoughts with two trusted teachers who naturally freaked and called me to pick her up. Even leaving the school premises and ending up miles away without much idea of what she was planning to do when she got there, except that she "needed to get away". She has been battling "low mood" (no one seems to want to call it depression), anxiety, panic, self harm, an incipient eating disorder, rock bottom self esteem and self-destructive episodes for ten months now and school are shocked and bewildered that CAMHS seem to think none of it warrants their attention or intervention. In the last week our GP, the Deputy Head and I have agreed to sign her off for a period of authorised absence during which we will try to reset her panic button. I have found a psychologist privately who I hope will be able to help her work on a toolkit of better coping mechanisms and the psychologist has said that if she feels a psychiatrist's referral is necessary she will be able to make one. It's been a week now and DD certainly seems less revved so perhaps the strategy is the right one. We're not going to think about returning to school until after Christmas. In the meantime they are sending work home, and she is either doing it or she isn't. God knows what this is going to do to the GCSEs. It's not like she has a clearly defined illness that will run its course and be over. On the plus side DD and I are close and talking, she trusts me to be her wingman, and school, in the shape of DD's deputy head and HOY, have been both compassionate and thoroughly supportive and DD feels they have her back too so she is beginning to lose the tension that has accompanied all thoughts of school this term. I am optimistic that perhaps this strategy will be a turning point, and aware at another level, that none of us really knows!

There are positives in there Scout and the love shines through. I'm sorry I got DSs and DDs mixed up. I've pm'd you. Hope that's OK.

I'm thinking of some private treatment for my son ...Psychologist possibly.... I guess very expensive but you know CAHMS are not providing the help we need....

Ripen, I'm surprised Mental Health don't order full blood screen after initial assessment. My son has lost a stone in 8 weeks

Something I've discovered is that Relate are now providing counselling support for teenagers. I think I might have pursued that route if I'd known earlier. I know Relate used to be means tested. I don't know if it still is.