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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

17 year old nocturnal hermit

38 replies

stevienickstophat · 24/07/2015 17:04

Is mine the only one?

Awake most of the night, wanders downstairs in Dressing Gown of Doom at about 4, eats cereal, disappears back to room.

I swear he's developing a hospital pallor.

So tired of this battle, but I really worry about him. He's letting life pass by him on a screen

Tell me I'm not alone, someone, please...

OP posts:

Berling0 · 24/07/2015 17:10

My 17 yo DD is exactly the same - however it can be as late as 6pm before she makes her first appearance. Up all night on her computer until 6 or 7 am.

Original poster

stevienickstophat · 24/07/2015 17:14

Do you say anything or just let her get on with it?

OP posts:

Berling0 · 24/07/2015 17:27

It's the holidays so I don't hassle her. She has set up her own on-line business and deals with lots of orders from overseas so I'm happy that she's not just surfing the net or on social chatrooms. Once she's back at college in September normal sleep patterns will resume

Sparklingbrook · 24/07/2015 17:28

My DS1(16) would be like that but I encouraged him to get a PT job, which I am not sure he is massively thrilled about TBH.

So he still does that but not every day.

crispandfruity · 24/07/2015 17:31

My 16yo DS is also like this. I have no solutions I'm afraid.

Original poster

stevienickstophat · 24/07/2015 17:35

I just had a bit of a go at mine.

He's a good lad but I do worry...

OP posts:

sillygiraffe · 24/07/2015 18:37

Both of my dc's are up till ridiculous hours. One gaming, the other on social media, YouTube or whatever else it is she does. Because its the holidays I trying not to get too irritated by it (I am - it annoys the life out of me) but I can see there is going to be a riot in sept when school starts again and we try to get dd to control her phone use. Ds will be going to uni so he can do what he likes. I hate it but haven't got the energy to fight about it :(

Earlybird · 26/07/2015 14:12

What would happen if you imposed time limits for daily (nightly!) computer use?

Though I realise at 17 years old, you may have difficulty dictating rules as you did when they were younger......

GaryBaldy · 26/07/2015 14:18

I'm sure I read somewhere that the circadian rhythm changes in teens making it harder for them to go to sleep early and want to stay awake later.

Mine is the same given his own way.

He is doing NCS so has to get up during the week but does it at the weekend

Original poster

stevienickstophat · 26/07/2015 15:11

I unplugged the router and hid it last night after lack of sleep turned him into an antisocial zombie.

Sigh.

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 26/07/2015 15:21

You're not alone, my 17 yo DS3 is just the same. He's currently up, desperately trying to stay awake because we have a family birthday get-together at 6pm & he wants to go to that, but all he really wants to do is go to bed . When he's up he usually just wants to stare at a screen or read. Though at the moment he's curled up on the sofa chatting away randomly to DH.

I don't go on at him about it, although it does annoy me a bit. I think it's just a stage he's going through. His older brothers were just the same, but thankfully have grown out of it now. DS does make an effort to sort out his sleep cycle every so often by staying awake all night & all day, then the cycle slips again. He'll get a shock in September when term starts again.

Original poster

stevienickstophat · 26/07/2015 16:09

I don't think my anxiety helps matters.

I let it slide for so long, then worry gets the better of me and we have a little blow up.

Him looking grey in the face and telling his brother to fuck off at the dinner table was my tipping point.

I unplugged the wifi and he was in bed fast asleep by 10.

No ability to set his own boundaries. At all.

OP posts:

BetweenTwoLungs · 26/07/2015 16:23

He won't do this in a few years. I was like this, I stayed up all night messing about online, slept in the day. A few years on im a normal human being with a full time profressional job, he'll get there too, don't worry! It's a normal teenage thing.

Original poster

stevienickstophat · 26/07/2015 16:31

That's reassuring, thank you.

OP posts:

Claybury · 27/07/2015 16:28

This sounds quite extreme and would annoy me too. It's also v unhealthy - they need to be outdoors for some time each day for their vitamin D levels.
Not easy I know.
We take our teens breakfast in bed if they haven't surfaced by mid morning.
Our router is also always off at 11pm.

vitaminC · 27/07/2015 16:37

My 16yo DD1 is exactly the same. She has Aspergers and doesn't function well without a routine. She's already counting down the days until school goes back as the strict routine in her boarding school suits her much better than the holidays.

She is supposed to be taking her driving theory test in September so the only rule I've been imposing is that she has to revise at least one hour a day - either at the driving school (3 doors away) or online.

I've also programmed the router so there's no wifi between 11pm and 6am.

Original poster

stevienickstophat · 27/07/2015 18:25

I've put the TalkTalk Homesafe block on social media between 12 midnight and 8 am, so hopefully...

OP posts:

givemushypeasachance · 27/07/2015 19:29

When I lived at home the worst I'd do was stay up till midnight or so reading, but when I went off to uni (2003 blimey quite a while ago now) I discovered the wonders of unfettered internet access and no one monitoring what I was doing or looking disapproving if I got up late - so I spent a year becoming nocturnal too. Aside from the two days I had 9am lectures I'd rarely be up before lunchtime, and I'd regularly go to bed as the birds were singing and dawn breaking. I readjusted to normal starts over the summer when I worked six days a week, and once the novelty of it all wore off and I had more uni work it settled down a bit. I'm still a bit of an owl and even with a regular office job I'd often stay up browsing the web or watching TV till 1am - though I've just hit 30 and suddenly find myself struggling past 11pm! I think everyone's circadian rhythms are different but most people grow out of the proper nocturnal teenage cycle.

ArseForElbow · 27/07/2015 19:32

My 15 year old was attempting the same, I've set the router to go off at 12am and come back on at 7am, neither of the DC have worked out that if they press re-set button it will come back on, yet.

YeOldeTrout · 27/07/2015 19:53

My 15yo is a hermit, too.
When I was that age I was outside all day. Just don't get it.

penguinsaresmall · 28/07/2015 11:01

I am so glad I've just found this thread. I have just started a similar one in Chat about my teen DS. Reassuring to read I'm not the only one anyway...

Pippinlongsocks · 30/07/2015 16:19

Having the same problem with my nearly 15 year old. It's reassuring to know we are not the only ones. I have one upstairs staring at a screen refusing to do anything with the rest of us and a 10 year sitting on the sofa with a blanket watching The Simpsons on a loop. Next week we have planned go karting, paint balling and eldest one is volunteering at the library Reading challenge for two hours one day a week (he will probably hate it unless they let him at the computer system!!). There are activities to get them from the house but none of them are particularly cheap and at this rate by September we will be broke (they are also eating all the food and we have resorted to hiding the biscuits and crisps in odd places so as to ration them. Roll on September!!!

sillygiraffe · 31/07/2015 22:44

Can you really make a 16 and 18 year old go to bed when you say? And what about phones with 4G. Turning the router off makes no difference. I just hope that when school starts in September that dd will come to her senses and sort herself out as I cannot face any more arguing over something so silly. Damn smart phones.

Mrsjayy · 01/08/2015 10:05

My 17yr old is the same she left school in may and im convinced she is a vampire i get her up though she is up by 1 at the latest she has a very part time job so the days she is out she is in bed at a reasonable time she starts college soon i cant wait for a normal routine

Doobydoo · 01/08/2015 10:17

Thank goodness for this thread! My ds nearly 16 is the same! We do call him at 1ish and he materialises throughout the day. Very vague though.

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