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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How much alcohol to allow nearly 14yo on holiday?

82 replies

Itchyandscratchy · 22/07/2015 17:14

We're on hols now. Dd1 (14 in Sept) asks for alcohol every evening at the moment. She started asking for sips of wine/beer and we allowed her to have a stumpy bottle of beer last night. She seems very interested with the idea of drinking, in what I think is a slightly unhealthy way.
She's very mature in some ways but seems quite immature in others & we're used to the sulks and bouts of unreasonableness.
We've talked to her about drink and asked her if she's just desperate to 'get' or 'be' drunk - she shrugs and says she's aware of the consequences (via us and school). She just seems to think it's very glamorous. How much should we ignore, how much should we allow, he much should we prevent?

Btw I was a complete eedjit at her age, drinking in secret and behaving dreadfully. I lived with my dad and was quite feral. Dd1 doesn't know this (about the drinking) but I'm terrified she'll think it's big and clever like I did.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 22/07/2015 20:32

Dd is also 13 and she has no glasses/bottles of alcohol. She's tried the odd sip and had a vvv small glass of bucks fizz one Christmas though didn't like it and didn't finish it.

We are currently on holiday and yes, me and dh have had alcohol each day. We don't drink daily at home but on holiday we often do as we are eating it each day, and next week of the holidays we will be with friends too so will also drink next week. We don't drink to excess, but will share some wine or do some tastings in a tour, etc. or a cold beer with lunch. It's definitely be too much of done all the time but it's two weeks holiday.

But did knows that alcohol is for when she is older if she chooses to drink - at the moment she says she doesn't like it, which s good.

Iggi999 · 22/07/2015 20:32

13? None, why does she need to drink with her parents? Drink is to loosen you up in the park so you can chat up that bloke with the fringe from the year above.

RiverTam · 22/07/2015 20:35

Interesting, we were given watered down wine on high days and holidays from about the age of 7. On holiday with parents we would have had it possibly for the odd evening meal, but I mainly remember drinking Fanta (my mum didn't allow us much in the way of fuzzy drinks so that was a definite holiday treat!).

LIZS · 22/07/2015 20:35

Er none. Maybe a few bubbles at Christmas /new Year.

Fairylea · 22/07/2015 20:35

None at all.

I grew up with an alcoholic mother who was very over liberal when it came to giving me sips of drink from an early age and didn't see anything wrong with giving me an occasional small glass of wine from 14 ish. I'm not saying it happens to everyone like me but by 18 I was near alcoholic and very heavy drinking. Did some very dangerous and stupid things.

I am now 35 and completely tee total as is dh and we don't and won't have alcohol in the house. We have one dd at high school and she knows we don't approve of being drunk (thankfully she is only year 8 so a while to go yet!)

Just say no. She is far too young.

Georgethesecond · 22/07/2015 20:36

None. Mine are 16 and 14. The elder one drinks occasionally with this friends. The younger has never drunk alcohol. Neither of them has ever drunk at home. The 16 yo would be offered a beer at a family party if we had one. Or at Christmas. Or maybe when we take him out for his 17th birthday.

RiverTam · 22/07/2015 20:36

Fuzzy?? Fizzy!

Georgethesecond · 22/07/2015 20:37

Ps We do drink. One or two glasses four or five nights a week which I think is too often tbh.

Iggi999 · 22/07/2015 20:37

I think the attitude that you have to drink every night because you're on holiday is pretty harmful too. Fun=alcohol, good message to reinforce!

OhMyActualDays · 22/07/2015 20:38

I was drinking occasionally at home at 14 and pretty regularly with my parents at 16. I think the short term desired effect was that I didn't need to go out and get drunk with mates, and this worked. However, the long term effect has been a lifelong drinking at home habit which is very very hard to break. I think I will stave off drinking at home for as long as I can with my DD.

springlamb · 22/07/2015 20:45

I agree with the majority of posters. My dd will turn 14 in November. If she asks what I am drinking, she is offered a taste. She is offered a liquor glass of bubbly on 'occasions' in the home.
Was stunned recently when she went on a sleepover and the mother casually mentioned about them having an alcopop during the evening and told her a straight No Way.
I don't want dd ever using alcopops. WHEN she tarts drinking outside the home, I don't want her thinking that because she is OK after alcopops, she'll be OK after a few vodkas.

BackforGood · 22/07/2015 20:47

if it's diluted and sweet etc because there will be little difference between a soft drink and her alcoholic drink. This will reinforce again that alcohol is ok and not different from a soft drink

I agree with this. I'd rather mine tasted something not very palatable to young tastebuds if they are going to taste something. I don't want them thinking they've knocked back a glass of wine and it's had no effect. Don't understand the idea of watering down wine or whatever so they think that's what they are drinking, at all.

RiverTam · 22/07/2015 20:51

It's the norm in countries like Italy for children to be given watered down wine. And in Italy you certainly don't get teenagers or anyone for that matter rolling around the streets pissed off their heads as a normal thing, that is very socially unacceptable. So I don't see that it's automatically a bad thing, the end result seems a lot worse here.

cdtaylornats · 22/07/2015 21:14

At 16 children are allowed to drink beer, wine or cider if it is bought by an adult and accompanying a meal.

My goddaughter is 22 now and still thinks the not buying applies to her.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 22/07/2015 21:40

RiverTam I read the comparisons with Europe all the time on MN but teenagers in the UK aren't growing up in Italy or France or Spain. They're growing up in the UK where the drinking culture is far uglier. It's a fine balance between what you endorse in the home and what's happening outside it.

FanOfHermione · 23/07/2015 14:40

Yes in France being visibly drunk isn't socially acceptable, even though a lot of people will have wine at each meal (lunch and evenings)
As a student there, I have seen ONE guy in 5 years been so drunk that he ended up know hospital. This was not seen as a good or normal thing. The times when a few people were sick were far on between too despite going out every week.
Actually I remember people making fun of me when I was taking paracetamol the day after.. (It was actually headache she to the lack if sleep/tiredness rather than alcohol).

So yes I agree that the culture HAS a big effect there.
But that's also the reason why what you do at home is even MORE important re what sort message you want to give about alcohol.
Eg: I'm on hols so I will have drunk everyday. It's the end if the day, I will have a drink to relax etc
Very different from having g a glass if wine with food for example. (And again you can probably differentiate between a rely big one and a quarter if a small glass)

mumofthemonsters808 · 23/07/2015 14:46

My Dd is the same age and I'd only allow her a sip, we are not big drinkers anyway so it's not something she is interested in, yet.

Walkingonsunshine00 · 23/07/2015 20:39

None at all! Dd (15) will have odd sips now and then but nothing like you describe!

PestoSwimissimos · 23/07/2015 20:48

Too young!!

PestoSwimissimos · 23/07/2015 20:49

Think of her liver, she's still growing for goodness sake,

starfish4 · 24/07/2015 07:55

My DD is nearly 14 and I also say none. At the moment she says she doesn't want to drink alcohol when she's older as it's not good for you - may all change but the longer the better.

JustDanceAddict · 24/07/2015 10:36

None! The occasional sip to 'try' is fine, but no way a full drink at that age. My parents allowed me to drink at a young age - sherry and malibu/pineapple (not together) at maybe 14/15, but 30 years ago, there wasn't the awareness of the damage of alcohol at all like there is now. Now I would never sit and drink with the kids until they are at least 16 (and then it would be a spritzer).

rogueantimatter · 01/08/2015 10:48

None and like JustDance in your circumstances I wouldn't drink in front of a child who wanted to join in either.

World Health Org recommends no alcohol before the age of 15. Maturity/immaturity has nothing to do with her physiological ability to cope with the alcohol.

She's more likely to be a heavy drinker if she starts early.

The French population has a high rate of cirrhosis of the liver btw.

SallyMcgally · 01/08/2015 14:59

DS is just 14. He's allowed a snowball on special occasions ( birthday and Christmas) - it's mostly lemonade.

MyballsareSandy · 01/08/2015 15:39

I have two 14 year olds and I don't like either of them drinking. Luckily one of them hates it and never has any but the other seems to be drawn to it, always wanting a sip of whatever we are having. They've both recently been to a few parties where alcohol was smuggled in.

I'd never actively encourage 14 year olds to drink.