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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How much alcohol to allow nearly 14yo on holiday?

82 replies

Itchyandscratchy · 22/07/2015 17:14

We're on hols now. Dd1 (14 in Sept) asks for alcohol every evening at the moment. She started asking for sips of wine/beer and we allowed her to have a stumpy bottle of beer last night. She seems very interested with the idea of drinking, in what I think is a slightly unhealthy way.
She's very mature in some ways but seems quite immature in others & we're used to the sulks and bouts of unreasonableness.
We've talked to her about drink and asked her if she's just desperate to 'get' or 'be' drunk - she shrugs and says she's aware of the consequences (via us and school). She just seems to think it's very glamorous. How much should we ignore, how much should we allow, he much should we prevent?

Btw I was a complete eedjit at her age, drinking in secret and behaving dreadfully. I lived with my dad and was quite feral. Dd1 doesn't know this (about the drinking) but I'm terrified she'll think it's big and clever like I did.

OP posts:

MyPelvicFloorTrainsItself · 22/07/2015 17:35

If she's posting photos of herself with empty bottles then she'd get none off me.

Bunbaker · 22/07/2015 17:36

"but I also can't help thinking the more we ban something, the more glamorous it will seem to her. "

I'm inclined to think along those lines as well, but with DD it was only the odd sip. OH and I drink what we would class as "grown up" alcoholic drinks (wine/beer/gin and tonic) that wouldn't typically appeal to a teenager - none of those alcopop style drinks that taste of ribena.

Original poster

Itchyandscratchy · 22/07/2015 17:37

Yes twinkle , I'm concerned about that and she doesn't have a FB account - it's a 'describe-all' for the other social media crap they use. But I've challenged her about the photo and we've deleted it. She said it was to show her friend who'd posted something similar.

OP posts:

CiderwithBuda · 22/07/2015 17:38

None. She is 13.

Just been on holiday with my DH and DS (13) and his friend (14). DH and I drank every night - not to excess obv - boys not interested at all. But wouldn't have given them any even if they had.

DS has tasted beer but doesn't like it.

ladygracie · 22/07/2015 17:38

She's not 14 is she, she's only 13 which imo does make a difference. I don't think I'd be letting her have any.

Schoolchauffeur · 22/07/2015 17:39

I'm quite liberal about alcohol but under 15/16 it would be nothing from me. Only exceptions to this are half glass of fizz at wedding or Christmas.
dd had access to the odd wine/cider via boarding school social events from age 16, very strictly controlled.
DS now 17 is allowed beer/cider from fridge at weekends, but I discourage spirits although I know he's had it at parties.
According to a couple of his mates DS is the sober one who looks after those who over do it.
This teen phase also made us look at our casual at home drinking- we don't drink a lot but had slipped into habit of a daily glass of wine with dinner. We now limit this mostly to weekends.

SoupDragon · 22/07/2015 17:41

All I would let them have is something weak like a spritzer or Buck's Fizz type drink. neither of my teen boys (16 and 15) have shown any interest in alcohol at all though.

BlueKarou · 22/07/2015 17:41

I think I would allow a single, fairly weak, wine + lemonade spritzer when you're drinking/with dinner in the hope that it would downplay the fascination with alcohol.

But yes, important that you challenged the beer bottle photo too; again showing her that drinking isn't this exciting, glamorous thing.

Bunbaker · 22/07/2015 17:43

"I think I would allow a single, fairly weak, wine + lemonade spritzer"

I wouldn't use lemonade, but soda water/fizzy water which is what you normally get in a spritzer. Also, it is less sweet and might make the drink less attractive.

FanOfHermione · 22/07/2015 17:44

I agree that saying she can't have some alcohol is going to be An issue.

So I would stop drinking myself.

It doesn't matter that it's the hols it the weekend. What she is learning us having a good time=drinking.
Besides, if you don't drink, she can't try it. And you aren't saying NO to her having alcohol. It's just not there.

The photo is an issue I agree with you there. Main because it's showing that she thinks alcohol= being cool.
Hence why you need to make the least glamorous as possible.

Original poster

Itchyandscratchy · 22/07/2015 17:44

Thanks all. Have told her she's been pushing it on the alcohol front and she's said ok and said 'sorry if I've been a knob'.

We'll see..! Thanks though.

OP posts:

FanOfHermione · 22/07/2015 17:46

I have to say, I'm actually very liberal with alcohol in so far that both my dcs have had sips since they were tiny.
But a full glass it whatever alcohol it is is still a no -no fir me.
Especially if it's diluted and sweet etc because there will be little difference between a soft drink and her alcoholic drink. This will reinforce again that alcohol is ok and not different from a soft drink.

ChampagneAndCrisps · 22/07/2015 18:06

None
She's far too young. Drinking Young is associated with health problems later on.
I don't think its up for discussion at that age - in a few years maybe

ErinBlockerBitch · 22/07/2015 18:09

None.

Stitchintime1 · 22/07/2015 18:10

I would say none.

SnakeyMcBadass · 22/07/2015 18:13

I have a 14 year old and a 12 year old. I don't let either of them drink alcohol. I might let them dip their tongue in to taste, but that's it.

HahaHarrie · 22/07/2015 18:16

None.

Pinkcloud6 · 22/07/2015 20:07

I drank at 14, not as much as friends, it was castaways/diamond white/ thunderbirds back then.

I'm a bit perplexed at what I would do in your shoes...a light drink on a sat maybe. She'll do it anyway if you let her out on the park with friends.

We live in the middle of nowhere so I'm hoping it will be much more difficult for mine to do it. We lived in an area wher teens were smoking pot and drinking wine in an evening, it was a reason to move.

Pinkcloud6 · 22/07/2015 20:08

I did work for someone who made his son read all of the negatives about drinking..seemed to work.

feelingdizzy · 22/07/2015 20:11

none, I have just returned from holidays my eldest is also nearly 14,didn't consider giving her any, and I am a pretty laid back sort

atticusclaw · 22/07/2015 20:16

None. I have let my DS's dip a finger into wine and beer and lick it to see what it tastes like. General consensus - disgusting so that served its purpose until the peer pressure starts.

Let her dip her finger in a glass of tequila. That'll put her off!

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/07/2015 20:22

I'm a bit perplexed at what I would do in your shoes...a light drink on a sat maybe. She'll do it anyway if you let her out on the park with friends.

I don't avoid rules on the grounds that dd will break them anyway. And I wouldn't let her out 'on the park' on an evening either.

TeenAndTween · 22/07/2015 20:27

None.

lighteningirl · 22/07/2015 20:28

None and I would stop drinking in front of her

firesidechat · 22/07/2015 20:31

None.

Our children were allowed a sip, and I mean a sip, when we had something like champagne on a special occasion, but no actual alcoholic drinks until they were about 16. There's no need, so why do it?

We love wine too and drink it regularly, so it's not like we are anti booze or anything.

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