lonely 17yr old daughter

[natashadenise]

My daughter is 17 and just completed first year at college, she has never been able to forge friendships, never had a special friend, she is lonely and longing for company and getting depressed at long periods on her own. When she was younger i had parties, clubs activities, but i can no longer rely on this. she has been in an all male environment during college which has not helped. We have no family unfortunatley all grandparents are dead so the extended family has not beento be. any ideas I feel helpless. she doesnt understand why no one wants to be her friend.

How about a weekend job to improve confidence and hopefully make a few friends that way? It might be an idea to change colleges and make a totally fresh start of things somewhere new. Will she be off to university after college?

Oh dear that is quite difficult, sounds is if she needs to learn how to make friends and build relationships. How are her social skills ? Does she know how to start a conversation with someone she doesn't know, and keep it going ? What are her hobbies and interests ? What does she have in common with other girls her age ? Does she watch TV, like music or play computer games. All things which usually conversation starters.

How about volunteering somewhere where she can build her confidence slowly ? Animal shelter ? Working with children ?

she is changing college, and is at a boxing club, but they are all older, we have talked about a job so looking at that option. she will be at college for another two years on a sports leisure course.

She does not display any signs to say she lacks social skills, but i noticed there are subtle issues which i raised with doctor,school etc but it was not accepted they was an issue she is quite narrow minded and stubborn and is repetative with topics but boxing helps with that she likes tv music makeup, shopping and is all round unoffensive. She is naive and has been targeted by girls in the past. ive feel ive run out of steam and no network of family to help.

What about volunteering? has she lost contact with school friends what about the lads on her course is she not pally with them ? Dd1 was in a mostly male classes at college but she was 18 so went to the pub etc she had a pt jobmade some friends there.

Could she be introverted. Perhaps read up on that.

With that you aren't comfortable in noisy social events (generalizing greatly) so, as you are not appearing comfortable you will not be included with the crowd. I am talking about myself here really.

I prefer socializing when it includes doing something eg art, going to gardens, museums. Just chatting is not for me. So can she think of a hobby to follow.

Would second volunteering as an option.

Youth group?
Team sports? Netball is great for meeting other girls.

Could she have aspergers?

Try rugby for girls, if she's the sort who is quite tomboyish in her sports. It attracts quirkier people - I know, because I am a bit of s loner and a bit socially awkward and I found my people playing rugby. I still like to dress up and out make up on, as do many of the ladies, but we are also not bitchy and manipulative. You have to be slightly unusual to want to throw yourself into the mud/at other people's legs. I know that sounds stereotypical, but having never fit in to the cliques at school, it really made a difference joining rugby.

Plus the emphasis on working together in the scrum or line out, saving your mates in a ruck - all very bonding and builds great friendships

I hope the college move helps your DD. My DD was lonely at college as her old friends fell away and eventually developed a lot of anxiety about being alone during breaks and lunchtimes. She really resisted me/herself telling her tutor but finally in the second year when she did she got a lot of help: Counselling to help her challenge her negative thought patterns and to develop proactive plans to work towards her goals (medical related). She volunteered at a local hospice, did a St. John's Ambulance course, got some work experience in a care home and as she had a trampolining coaching certificate got a holiday job at a local kids sports "camp". It helped keep her busy and boosted her esteem.

I also supported her by being "a good companion" - taking her on day trips out, watching endless romcoms (which I hate), chatting about her interests etc. College was a bad time for my DD, but her good grades at A level meant she went to university to Halls and she made friends with her flatmates and got a steady boyfriend. She still feels that she is not "first choice" for her friends but she has a happy life and knows how to find and pursue interests on her own behalf. She also gets on well with older work colleagues.