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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

As a mum what do you find to do with a 14 year old boy.

42 replies

conway · 15/06/2015 14:57

Feel I have nothing in common with my 14 year old boy. He loves to watch football with his dad and also plays football.
If I suggest we do anything he is not interested. We used to play tennis but now I am not good enough for him. He doesn't like any films I suggest.
I feel he doesn't even like me and all I am here for are as a taxi driver and chef.
Any tips how to engage.
(His 9 year old brother still likes to do things with me.)

OP posts:

Faithless · 15/06/2015 15:25

Same here, but with nearly 16 year old who has just left school. His sister (dd 18) and I do loads together. There's a TV programme we both like that we watch together but it ends tonight. Other than that I'm taxi driver and cook like you op.
So, sorry no advice but marking place with interest

SecretSquirrels · 15/06/2015 16:05

I think that you have to find things that they do like and join them rather than expecting them to join you in your interests.
This has meant for me, watching action movies, go karting, going to the gym, playing badminton, watching box sets of their choice, going out for meals, playing poker, playing computer games etc.

everythingsgoingsouth · 15/06/2015 16:27

Every day stuff- ask him to suggest the film! you might even enjoy his choices (I'm now quite partial to a bit of Iron Man!)
Meals at places he wants to go to, sometimes he can invite a friend along too.
DVD night - making the homemade popcorn between you.
Comic Con or similar "events"
Museums.
swimming.
bike ride.
Barbeques.
camping overnight
In door rock climbing
Go Ape-type places
Go-karting
Segway riding
theme parks
water parks

Ragwort · 15/06/2015 16:35

I feel your pain and I understand the point about trying to do things they enjoy but sitting through a tedious film or trying to understand what on earth is the point of a computer game is not always easy . Also it can seem very 'contrived' and DS is well aware that I am faking interest.

We can sometimes find a tv programme we like watching, although he recently told me 'The Affair' wasn't suitable for me !!

DS does a sport which I am happy to take him to and watch - but suggesting museums, places of interest etc are just 'boring'. I did recently climb up a steeple in a cathedral with him as he really wanted to do that and under 16s couldn't go on their own - even though I stopped half way up .

MMcanny · 15/06/2015 16:45

Does he like going shopping? Having money spent on him, stop in a coffee shop? I do that with DS's, but don't know if people think that's more of a girly thing to do. Everyone needs new clothes etc (except DH).

everythingsgoingsouth · 15/06/2015 17:01

Obviously, some people may think museums are boring-my 14 year old DS doesn't. Sorry, I was just offering suggestions from the things we do together.

saoirse31 · 15/06/2015 18:27

Just depends on what his interests are really. Historical places, museums are really interesting to my 15 yr old ds. also why don't you take him to football matches etc.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/06/2015 18:36

We go for coffee together at Costa we love it and choose a cake to share and we have a really good chat. We only do it about every 4 weeks or so but love it when we do

We also watch a lot of crap telly together

I spend quite a lot of time ferrying him to sports during the week.

ginorwine · 15/06/2015 18:42

Going to the supermarket with my ds at the age was good . He chose food and whilst doing so chilled and chatted . My ds and dh are v sporty too and talk about it and I ve not a clue . Can feel excluded , so good to find your niche ?

Preciousbane · 15/06/2015 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled · 15/06/2015 18:59

Box sets. Basically we bond over telly. We've done Life on Mars and are now going through Ashes to Ashes. Before that we watched all of the US Office. Telly is pretty much all I have in common with teenage boys, but it's a good thing to have in common - leads to plenty of conversation.

operaha · 15/06/2015 19:39

breaking bad kept us busy for ages (ds15). we play badminton and go to see bands. we go for hot chocolates and he loves to cook and make smoothes so we shop for ingredients together.
definitely echo what people say about finding something he's interested in and joining him.

MoreBeta · 15/06/2015 19:45

I feel your collective pain. I am a Dad. DS likes all sports to obsession level. I am interested but not that interested. I encourage him and listen to his issues on training days and stuff like that.

I like museums and art galleries and cultural things but he just says 'boring'. Its difficult. He is doing History A level hopefully so maybe we can foster a common interest in that.

Personally I think at that age they just need you to be there if you are needed and in the background if they dont. They will come back to you at 18. Then the problem will be getting them to leave home at all!

BartholomewCrouch · 15/06/2015 19:47

I agree with TV.

Breaking Bad was epic and a definite shared interest. (15 yrs here)

We LOVE Modern family watched 5 seasons together.

Also we both love starbucks, and meals out.

And hiking with the dog -to be fair I make him do this but once we're out we do have a good time together.

With my DS I do have to make him do things which he initially moans about but then enjoys- I'm refusing to let him opt out of family stuff we do.

and no way would I play a computer game - I tried once for 2 minutes I was crap bored and hated it he was glad when I left.

gamerchick · 15/06/2015 19:51

I play Xbox with my 15 yr old.. He's come back to the fold or he'll watch me play and do missions I wuss out of or I'll watch him play and point out bits he's missed. It's a laugh.

Not everyone's cup of tea though.

YesThisIsMe · 15/06/2015 20:49

Cooking's a good idea. Everyone needs to learn to cook and you could teach him. I do think this is easier for geeky mums of geeky teens. My DC aren't quite teens yet but I firmly expect to be going to Marvel movies, science exhibitions and steampunk conventions with them until they have their own DC.

timefortiggy · 15/06/2015 20:51

Watch Big bang theory with him and take him to nandos, they all love friggin nandos.

MumSnotBU · 15/06/2015 21:06

Eat meals together, just chat about stuff.

mathanxiety · 16/06/2015 01:11

One thing that we did together was watching a Band of Brothers box set. I also let DS loose in the kitchen and with the BBQ if he felt like trying to cook something he saw on tv. The result was a lot of nice grilled dinners. He also taught me to make great scrambled eggs, having seen Gordon Ramsey do it. I taught him to soft boil eggs and to make omelettes. Now we are always out of eggs...

I also reacquainted myself with LOTR, which I had abandoned on page 22 of the first book when I was younger. Then there was also the topic of WW2 artillery and tanks. He wasn't that interested in history in school but I think that was because school tended to avoid the technical details of military history, which is what DS loves.

We watch sports, in silence. DS hates answering questions about Stuff I Should Know when watching games. I don't think you have to be chatting constantly with teenage boys for it to be a good experience. Or maybe that's just my own particular DS... We watched many an episode of the Simpsons and other shows when he was younger, and found the same jokes funny, and we watch films on Netflix (usually in silence)..

Elephantjuicelove · 16/06/2015 01:34

Dramaqueen your relationship with DS sounds wonderful. I hope my DS is still like this when the teenage years hit x

Floisme · 16/06/2015 07:38

I watch football with my son, which admiittedly I like. And Storage Hunters which is no more boring than Thomas the Tank Engine was.

Georgethesecond · 16/06/2015 07:49

Mine bakes - cakes only for now but hopefully the interest will expand to savoury dishes as he gets older. I talk to him about the recipes and wash up (he clears away).

He will go geocaching if the walk isn't too long

We always eat dinner a the table and talk. Lifts we talk.

Sometimes we go out for a hot chocolate.

He tells me about stuff he is interested in and I don't understand

SecretSquirrels · 16/06/2015 09:10

no more boring than Thomas the Tank Engine was Exactly. Compared with endless repeats of the Tweenies or playing trains with Thomas and co, I can stand a bit of Mission Impossible or Breaking Bad.

MoreBeta · 16/06/2015 10:48

My DS1 has asked if he can start cooking simple stuff for himself so maybe that is avenue. Cooking with him is a good idea.

After his A levels I want to send him on a 2 week chalet management/cooking course before university. Useful as he gets a various professional catering certificates, does basic wine tasting, learns how to clean to a professional standard and manage a food budget. Great for holiday jobs and also so he learns to cook, clean and entertain guests well in a professional way which is I think a life skill.

Meanwhile, last night he found out I had a pair of classic black DM boots in my wardrobe he wants to acquire. He is also obsessed with fashion - which is an area he and his mother share. He used to hate the way I dressed until DW told him I used to wear Paul Smith suits. I still wear Ralph Lauren lot and have a pair of DMs in my wardrobe. Now that I have also agreed to wear tighter trousers he is starting to copy my fashion styling but will never admit it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 16/06/2015 11:04

Elephant - it's not easy but I had such a difficult relationship with my mum that I really try and pick my battles and try not to sweat the small stuff. Things weren't so great at around 12 but he's really grown up now and I love having coffee with him- he feels really grown up too drinking it

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