Difficult Behaviour

[Stressedmum2211]

Hi, I am looking for an helpful advice on how to deal with my 14 year old daughter. Her behaviour is becoming out of control and every boundary that I am putting in place seems to be ignored. I am becoming more and more lost for ideas. I think that maybe I am too strict so I increase the boundaries and then she just ignores them. I tell her not to go out and she just walks out the door, I try to take her phone off her and she walks out, refusing to come home. Can anyone give me some advice please?

If you increase the boundaries, she's going to ignore them because she knows you won't control them. Same as dealing with a toddler, you have to be consistent.

Could you try tackling just one thing and leaving the rest? What's the problem with her going out? Is that the biggest problem?

Do you have the other parent to back you up in this?

Hi, yes my husband is supporting me throughout this. The main issue is her simply ignoring any rules and for example, when I say that she is grounded, she just walks out the door. She always comes home but the time very much depends on how she is feeling. We have been referred to Camhs as she does struggle with telling fibs so I am hoping that this will help. She just seems to have a blatent disregard for any type of authority telling her what to do and if she doesnt like it, she just walks out. Today for example she has walked out of school as she doesnt want to be included(she was defiant and rude to a member of staff at school) She always remains in text contact with me but is being increasing rude in her language towards me and short of locking her in her room, which I know I can't, am running out of ideas and energy to deal with the situation.

You need to be consistent and follow through with consequences just like when they were toddlers.

Don't try and take her phone from her but calmly say ' if your choose to go out when I've asked you not to I will cancel your phone contract/ change the wifi password, it's up to you'

That alone seems to work with my ds, the kids loves his phone

My daughter was referred to cahms twice, she went initially when she was 15, but then stopped. Then again she was referred again in January but because her appointment only came through six months later she wont go. My 17 year old, lies, drinks, rude,. Cahms will only work if your daughter wants to go and accepts help. Good luck

I am really hoping that Cahms will help as I am not sure where to go from there. She has accepted that she need help with her anger etc so fingers crossed she actually comes with me. Since I last posted she has stayed out all night (worst 18 hours of my life!) and although her behaviour improved for 1 day, we are back to it again! It just seems never ending

Hi,

I went through a similar stage (I hate to admit) when I was roughly her age. My poor parents tried everything... What eventually got to me was the following:

They stopped giving me money - I had no access to money so could not buy or go out with friends. I was missing out on everything my friends were doing and although friends would help out at the start this did not last for long.

If I had a phone - this would have been taken from me!

My parents ignored me and I got no attention. Basically I did as I pleased and I got upset and bored with it. Although it will not feel like it now... Your daughter will miss you not talking to her and will feel left out and will want to be part of the family again.

Do not give her anything... Provide the basics food etc and make sure close relatives do not give her money, buy gifts etc.

She is making your life hell and if you have tried everything anyway.. Maybe tough love is now the way to go!

Best of luck OP