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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

getting 16 year old son to revise.

22 replies

Babyroobs · 29/05/2015 14:53

So 15 year old ds is half way through GCSE's, appears to be doing very little in the way of revision. he was meant to attend a half day English revision session this morning but overslept. He has only just got out of bed at 3pm claiming he is tired! I just can't seem to get through to him how important this is, he only has to put the effort in for a couple more weeks and then has months off school. Anyone else having the same problem and advise on how best to handle it?

OP posts:

OddBoots · 29/05/2015 14:57

At this stage in the process I think you just have to tell him you are stepping back and trusting him not to mess this up. If you attempt to make him study he will be feeling so resistant to it that he won't learn anything and it will just damage your relationship.

I know it is very frustrating but it really is up to him now.

Theselittlelightsofmine · 29/05/2015 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveVintage · 29/05/2015 15:03

Yep, my DS has just finished exams (Scotland) and I found it really hard not to constantly get on at him, but you have to step back and let them deal with it. Ask how he's getting on and if there's anything he's struggling with, but don't nag.

They do seem to get a lot of revision and exam tips at school so are better prepared than we think, or they let on. It is tough though. I was much more stressed about DS'exams than I ever was about my own!

Mitzi50 · 29/05/2015 15:16

DS is in the middle of AS levels - I have realised that any nagging I do is completely counterproductive. I find his exams more stressful than he does.

If it's any comfort, DS did well in his GCSEs despite an apparent absence of revision. As LoveVintage says I think schools prepare them really well for the exams.

HormonalHeap · 29/05/2015 18:14

Tell me about it. My ds also 15 but still Year 10. Claims he was up at 7 revising so he could finish by 11 and give himself 5 SOLID hours gaming. I could cry. He's at a school where a lot of the boys don't work and get 10 A*s, they just remember it all 1st time. Not him!! I don't so much care what the end result is more to know he's giving it his all- which he sure ain't. You have my sympathies

nooddsocksforme · 29/05/2015 20:34

I have 2 boys -neither of the studied in the least bit for highers. nothing I said or did made any difference. They both did ok- got into uni. the youngest went for engineering and gave up after a term. now thats hes 20 he admits how he should have tried harder at school and thought more about what he wanted to do. But he txted us today to say hes just passed all his 1st year exams in accountancy, and hes much happier than he was before. The oldest got into medicine (with no work) but has also packed it in and is much clearer about he wants in life. After much angst I think now-at 22 -he will be very successful but it will take a while. Bit of a ramble but the moral is dont give up on boys. It takes them a bit longer to work it out. At 16 they are nowhere near that in my experience. You may have a few more years of worry and drinking too much ahead of you tho. As lovevintage says it has to be up to them now

MileyVirus · 29/05/2015 22:08

Agree revision can't be forced, I can get ds to revise but dss is a whole new kettle of fish.

mumsharingknowledge · 30/05/2015 15:16

Hi Babyroobs

It seems that your ds is lacking energy / stamina needed during the stressful exams' period.

As a mum of a teen doing his AS exams, I can fully understand what you are going through.
Your ds might be keen to perform well and achieve good grades but his body is just not cooperating as it should.

How can he make his body cooperate?

Here are some few things which could help:

By making sure that he substitutes junk/processed food with healthy meals, that is whole meal food(e. g brown bread), vegetables and plenty of fruits.

-Doing daily physical exercise (the ones you can feel your heart pumping a little bit more while doing).
This can be jogging, going to the gym or using online video workouts at the comfort of your home.

Get enough sleep! This can be easily achieved once the above two items have been done properly. A good night sleep will give him enough energy to cope with the exam stress.

One thing which worries me though, is him getting up from bed at 3pm. Is it because he stays up late the previous night studying, watching TV/ videos or interacting on social media?
Maybe you need to find out.

Hope this helps.

You can also find some useful parental tips from my blog:

mumsharingknowledge.wordpress.com/

All the best.

Travelledtheworld · 30/05/2015 22:40

I could have written this post too, DD 16 has drifted through half term texting, watching videos, doing her hair. Half way through GCSE exams.
She just doesn't seem to care.
I occasionally ask "are you going to do some studying today" and get told in no uncertain terms to get out of the room and leave her alone.

She is at a good school and she is not stupid. She will pass everything. Might get some A's in certain subjects.
Sigh. Pass the gin.

GasLIghtShining · 02/06/2015 21:02

This was me last year and there is not a lot you can do. He is now at college and doing really well but is having to do functional skills in english as he failed the gcse.

He is looking at universities but some are out of the question as they want a B in maths (he got a C but with a tiny bit of effort could have got a B) and a C in english (but won;t accept functional skills).

I do think some of it is maturity. If your DS is still 15 then this could be a factor. Mine is a summer baby.

Gymbob · 02/06/2015 22:37

you have my sympathy as well. my dd is in the last 2 weeks of exams. just not interested. got about 20 minutes out of her tonight. if there was an exam in Minecraft she'd get an A*.

I could cry too

timeforabrewnow · 03/06/2015 14:32

Can you pass me some gin too please?

My 15 year old DS does GCSEs next summer. I've just had a call from the school saying he hasn't completed any of his coursework on 3 subjects

I've asked him all half term if he has any homework and get grumpy teenage strops back in reply, and some tears as well when the subject of modern foreign languages comes up - [as I already knew he had a problem with that subject.]

I have another son in the year below and really hope that he will be different, but am not holding my breath. The annoying part of it is that I know that both DS1 and DS2 are more than capable if they would sit down and do the sodding work.

timeforabrewnow · 03/06/2015 14:33

Oh, and yy to an A* in Minecraft - were it possible..

Travelledtheworld · 03/06/2015 19:23

Timeforabrew has he blown it completely for the coursework ? Will the school give him another opportunity to complete it ? It does tend to make up 30% of the marks for some of the subjects.

I know my bone idle DD is relying on it to boost up her grades.....

< opens a bottle of red wine...>

bigTillyMint · 03/06/2015 19:42

time, I don't know if this is true for your DS's school, but schools usually set internal deadlines for coursework so as to avoid them all not getting their coursework done. Could this be the case for him?

If it is, he needs help to break each bit into manageable chunks with deadlines for each one. Maybe once he gets some done, he will feel more motivated?

I have all this to come in 2 years (his sister is currently doing her GCSE's and is pretty motivated, though a panicker!)

timeforabrewnow · 03/06/2015 22:11

Thanks for replying to my post bigTilly and Travelledthe . He hasn't blown it completely (yet), and they are giving him further chances and as much help as they can. For one of the subjects it's 60% of the marks, and he was just supposed to have handed in part of it - but he hasn't a clue what to write and I don't know how to help him. He has e-mailed the teacher to ask (my suggestion).

His attitude to schoolwork is poor, despite doing okay on his last report from before half term (all Bs and Cs),so he must be doing some work in school. However he has done zero revision for internal exams this week and is very bolshie and rude if I go on about it. He seems frozen in a sort of laziness that he doesn't want to be released from. My DH has gotten very angry once with him and that was counterproductive as is everything we bloody try

Some days I wish we could fast forward 3 years or is it 4.

LoveVintage · 03/06/2015 22:52

Am coming back on thread as I have noticed there is booze on offer

Now the nervous wait for exam results - thinkthey come out at the start of August. The irony is my DS is the sort who will be mortified if he hasn't done well which I suppose is a life lesson in itself, and might spur him to study more for the next exams. Oh god we have to go through this again ?!

Travelledtheworld · 03/06/2015 23:15

Bombay Sapphire all round then ! Ice and lemon anyone ?

I too will be nervously waiting for GCSE results in August no idea how well DD will have performed having done 10 mins revision per subject as far as I can tell. She will be very angry if she doesn't do well and will blame everyone except herself.

Meanwhile Ds in year 10 has all his revision notes on little index cards, German vocab on post its stuck on objects all over the house. Has his exam techniques for getting top marks memorised and is aiming for 10 A*'s next year. No help from me,entirely motivated by a desire to do better than his so called best friend.....

HowDoesThatWork · 04/06/2015 01:47

mumsharingknowledge,

Are you really suggesting making revolutionary lifestyle change now, in the middle of exams?

The 3pm waking would worry me too.

Gadgets/Fear/Hiding/Depression/etc

A friend of mine is very worried about her daughter, right now in the middle of GCSEs. Precious little work done and sleeps a lot. My friend is working out what the options are when the results come in.

PattiODoors · 07/06/2015 12:30

Well we've had a Mexican Standoff this morning about revision/hw/course work. Phone and tablet taken off him. He doesn't care. I've decided to ask sch to ring Dad at work because I actually am getting phobic of sch ringing me at home constantly. Sigh.

I could cry too. His behaviour is utterly vile atm. (Yr10) I know it's hormones and whatnot but ugh.

Anyway. Plough on, people, plough on.

cdtaylornats · 07/06/2015 13:04

It's all the parents fault, after all there you are relatively successful and yet from a teenagers point of view you know nothing.

sherbetlemonD · 07/06/2015 23:51

Just remember all- they can always go back to them at another time. I didn't revise, was more than capable of getting As but left with only 3 GCSEs- shame now I look back- BUT I can always go back to them. Plenty of colleges here will allow me to do them in evenings or online courses.

I'm sure it is very frustrating going through it- but it doesn't have to be the "end" so to speak. for all.

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