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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS robbed at knifepoint, begging me NOT to tell police.

62 replies

Spidermama · 25/05/2015 15:29

He says he was robbed by 3 boys (17ish) in town, in broad daylight. They took his wallet and his cousin's phone. They really frightened him and told him if he reported it to police then next time they'd cut him.

This is a relatively small city and the gangs probably all know each other and look out for each other. I told DS I would have to report it to the police and he said, 'Have fun at my funeral then'.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Chipsahoythere · 25/05/2015 15:32

Report them

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 25/05/2015 15:46

Report, and tell them about the threats too so they can put something in place where they have to stay away from your son.

Haffdonga · 25/05/2015 16:03

Does he know who they are?

I'm afraid, if he doesn't know who they are then there's little chance they'll get caught even if it was on CCTV, so they'll never find out he reported them. OR, they've done this to multiple others and his evidence will corroborate other stories making it more likely they'll get caught but they'll never know which of their many victims was responsible.

If he does know them, all the better. Get the fuckers arrested. They wont be stupid enough to threaten him if there's a court case pending. Gangs across town may know each other but they're very unlikely to make each other's threats (no honour amongst thieves).

I'd report against your ds's wishes. (Could he secretly want it to be reported but not by him?) And what about cousin? Is s/he not planning to report?

Original poster
Spidermama · 25/05/2015 16:12

Thaks Haffdonga. You sound like you know your stuff! I have reported it. The police are coming this evening. I haven't told DS yet in case he does a runner to avoid speaking to them. I've also told the police he may not want to talk to them.

I pointed out to DS there would be very few parents who would fail to report their son being mugged at knifepoint.

He's reticent because he was beaten up a few months ago. DH was sent a film of boys in school uniform kicking him in the head as he lay on the ground. Again he insisted we don't tell the police so instead we took the film into the school of the offenders (they were clearly identifiable and in uniform). Naturally the school then went to the police and those boys had a serious talking to.

DS says the boys who mugged him this time mentioned something about 'You;re the one who snitched about our mates. If you snitch again you'll get cut'. etc

OP posts:
Chubbychopsmolly · 25/05/2015 16:18

Perhaps your son doesn't want the police involved as he may be more guilty than you think.

At the end of the say I think you were wrong to report because these people will only get a slap on the wrist and yes they probably will come back to face him. So you may have caused your son further anxiety and stress never mind worry in case they come back all because you've rang the police. It was your sons choice he obviously knows what these people are like you don't.

If I was you I would cancel the police if possible and support your son

Floggingmolly · 25/05/2015 16:18

How did they know your dh's details to send him a film? Shock. Your ds must know who they are

Haffdonga · 25/05/2015 16:20

Bloody hell. Your poor ds Sad

Sounds like these bastards might go to the same school as the last lot. Hopefully they'll be identifiable if so.

Hope your ds recovers quickly and feels proud that you're standing up against these violent thugs.

Original poster
Spidermama · 25/05/2015 16:21

Molly the film was circulated on social media and one of DS's friends showed it to his dad and his dad showed it to DH.

OP posts:
Cocolepew · 25/05/2015 16:21

Did you gave a tgrwad about his last assault? Its ringing a bell.
My dd was jumped by 2 girls and it got as far as court. It was taken very seriously and it wasn't as bad as this.
I hope he is ok Flowers

PeaceOfWildThings · 25/05/2015 16:22

Glad you have reported. Police ahould offer victim support counselling which is a goid idea, and if they can recommend a private counselling firm (if you can afford it) your son would benefit from that to help recover his sense of worth and confidence.

crassula · 25/05/2015 16:24

Chubby that is absolutely shocking advice. Yes, her son may well be scared and there may be some comeback (which hopefully his family and the police and protect him against), but to advise not to report in case they attack again??? Seriously? Then we should all just shut up when we get attacked? That's giving in to violent idiots on in a very dangerous way.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 25/05/2015 16:26

Please do not listen to Chubbychopsmolly's ridiculous victim blaming.

Chubbychopsmolly · 25/05/2015 16:32

My partner was beat up for nothing going to work one morning. He actually had cuts on his face that needed stitched, the person who done it got a fine after going to court (which he never paid)even though he had many previous convictions so really a terrible results.

So please tell me what you think will happen to these boys really!!

Nothing will happen but your poor son will be even more afraid. It's easy for people on a forum to tell you to just ring the police but only you and your son can decided what's best if he is afraid and really doesn't want the police why are you going against his wishes

PureMorning · 25/05/2015 16:32

Chubby wtf?!
Please tell me you are not a parent.

Chubbychopsmolly · 25/05/2015 16:33

I'm sorry your son was hurt but it was 100% up to him if he didn't ant police involved and as a mother you should have supported your sons decision.

Haffdonga · 25/05/2015 16:33

Thank god we live in a society where there are more people like Spidermama who would act to protect their children, than others who would prefer to allow violent criminals free rein out on the street rather than get involved.

Good luck with telling ds about the police spider.

Chubbychopsmolly · 25/05/2015 16:35

Do you think the police will put protection outside your house, a personal bodyguard perhaps. NO they won't do what protection can they offer him, I'm just being real and previous posters are sugar coating it all.

So have your chat with the police later and then plain that to your son then in few months come back and tell they were all locked up. Which obviously you would want but it will never happen

Original poster
Spidermama · 25/05/2015 16:35

I hear you Chubby, I really do. This is why I was in two minds. It's a very difficult situation but I can't just sit back and let these kids off scot free.

I do understand what you're saying though and I appreciate your advice. It's not clear cut.

OP posts:
Chubbychopsmolly · 25/05/2015 16:36

I'm not saying she should never have rang the police but you should not have done it behind your sons back. You should have had a proper chat with him first and convinced him if that's what he wanted. You are only causing him more stress if he didn't want it.

At least tell him that unless he presses charges then nothing will come from him but at least so he will talk to the police for reassurance

crassula · 25/05/2015 16:37

Chubby stop being so ridiculous.

OP's son doesn't want to report out of fear. A good mother will support her son by showing him that he doesn't have to live in fear. The boys who did this may be punished, may not - but to not report them is to tell her son that some people can do this stuff and he just has to put up with it. Which is insane.

It's not just about getting them locked up - it's about showing her son that this kind of behaviour is intolerable and that she, as his mother, will do everything she can within the law to stop it.

Yes, it may not work, but what's the alternative? A society where we give into bullies?

3littlefrogs · 25/05/2015 16:38

I am so sorry this happened to your poor DS.

I can completely understand why he is afraid of the consequences of reporting this. That is not to say that I think you shouldn't report it, but you need to think about how you are going to protect your DS/keep him safe/reassure him from now on. Have you had the phone blocked? Really important to do this fast because family and friends contact details are on it.

My DSs were mugged more times than I can remember - usually at knife point and IME the police were totally incompetent, even with ample opportunity to gather lots of evidence and arrest the perpetrators. I live in North London and teenage boys are the highest risk group. DS2 was robbed at knife point on a Sunday afternoon and the police wouldn't even bother to come and take a statement as he had handed over his phone and hadn't been stabbed.

Your DS is understandably terrified, poor kid.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 25/05/2015 16:38

Why did you say the OP's son might be 'guilty' Chubbychopsmolly?

BadgersArse · 25/05/2015 16:38

are you sure he isnt caught up in something you don't know about? Drugs? maybe that is why

Koalafications · 25/05/2015 16:38

How awful. I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to your DS.

Hopefully the police can find out who they are.

crazyauntie · 25/05/2015 16:40

Please ignore chubby. Speak to the police and report it! I ended up in court for hitting somebody when I was a teen so they definitely take any assault seriously especially if they previous. They boys are unlikely to get sent down but they will more than likely get a youth referral order and while on bail there will be conditions like no witness intimidation so if somebody does start on your ds the boys will get a extra charge and that person/group can also be taken to court. Witness intimidation is very serious and some judges take it more serious as the actual assault.

Good luck and hope your son recovers soon!Thanks