DS robbed at knifepoint, begging me NOT to tell police.

[Spidermama]

He says he was robbed by 3 boys (17ish) in town, in broad daylight. They took his wallet and his cousin's phone. They really frightened him and told him if he reported it to police then next time they'd cut him.

This is a relatively small city and the gangs probably all know each other and look out for each other. I told DS I would have to report it to the police and he said, 'Have fun at my funeral then'.

What would you do?

Because she said he got hit before and he is adamant he doesn't want the police involved. ( so why is does he not want police involved) in case they uncover something else maybe I don't know I'm just saying as obviously op will not want to get her son in even a deeper situation.

Op you need to have a serious chat with him

There is no reason to suppose that the OP's son is guilty of anything. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, carrying a phone and a wallet.

I will have that chat with him Chubbychops before the police come this evening. I'm hoping the police will be able to persuade him better than I but I will emphasise to him that no-one can force him to talk.

I'm convinced I'm right to call the police but I don't want to lose DS's trust because then next time he might not even bother telling me when something like this happens.

Your 'logic' is skewed, victim-blaming, and repellant Chubbychopsmolly

Exactly spider mama that's my point your son is your priority here.

Thanks Crazieauntie. Did your experience deter you from doing something similar? Or did any part of you want to get revenge on the person who'd reported you?

How many people on this thread have DC who have been mugged recently?

Until it happens to your child you really don't know how difficult it is to deal with.

i dont think it would get to the crown court...

I don't disagree with anyway I'm just viewing it from a different angle after all this forum is about opinions and advice and not just one sided advice or what's the point

Was your DP 'guilty' when he was beaten up, Chubby?

No he wasn't but he went to police himself so obviously if he was hiding some involvement he wouldn't have went to the police. Hence why I was wondering why ops son didn't want police involved

One case IME did get to the crown court. It was very serious but the police made a complete mess of the evidence.

He probably doesn't want this reported because they have threatened him and he is scared Chubby.

It's actually horrible that you would suggest he has something to hide. Shame on you.

Chubby I can't think what DS might be hiding but he's no angel. (Most 15 year old boys aren't) and I think he doesn't have much trust in the police.
It's a pity because first time he was mugged of his phone they found the guy, (DS knew him and reported it himself) and he had to pay £50 towards the phone and do community service. So on the face of it all went well but DS felt intimidated by the process and as if he'd bitten off more than he could chew.

I really hope you are never, ever called for jury service Chubby.

Spidermama. It certainly did. I haven't been in trouble since that day. The youth referral order was very good. And it helped me battle my own problems and got me help I needed as well as thinking about how serious just one hit is and basically how's it not right. I've been in a few situations since I finished the order (4 years a go) where I could have been violent and as bad as the other person but I stood back and phoned the police. Also my main goal now in life is to become some sort of youth worker who works with young people who are involved in the law! I think if the person who I hit hadn't gone to the police I would probably be dead.

Wow Crazie! That's quite a tale. Very inspiring. Good luck in your efforts to work with youth.

I actually was called for it but due to being pregnant I got away with it. As I previously said I'm just giving you a few other options to think about other that the usual sugar coating people do on here.

Ops son comes first and if clearly he isn't going to be happy about the police being called if he had asked them not to be so really it's going to cause more distrust in this family.

I'm actually shocked that people on here would go against a loved one behind their back to call the police if they had requested specifically not to.

And also as I said op knows her son more than we do and she will do what's right for him

I don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility that a 15 year old boy is involved in something he doesn't want his parents knowing about. It's not victim blaming to explore that possibility. The two attackers knowing each other does suggest links.

Regardless, he isn't to blame but it might explain some things.

And when I was 13 I begged my mum not to tell the school I was being bullied.

My mum didn't listen to me, told the school. The bullying stopped. Mostly because the ring leader's followers didn't want to get into trouble, and blamed it all on the ring leader. She ended up friendless.

As a parent you can't let someone intimidate your child like that....the mugging is one thing, but threatening further violence is another, IMO. If you don't tell the police your son will be seen as fair game for these bullies, and others to do what they like to.

Bullying in school is a completely different ball game when knives are involved. Really!!

Also the other part of your question. I was sour about her going to the police but it was made very clear in my bail conditions that if I had any contact with her or my friends contacted her both my friends and I would face extra charges and my solicitor also told me I would make me look more guilty if I decided to plead not guilty. So from my experience these boys are likely to plead not guilty so they won't risk anything to make their selfs look guilty. I also understand you do not want to ruin your trust with your ds but I honestly think you need to make a point of we are going to the police, their behaviour was very wrong and I am not scared of these boys and you shouldn't be either. Explain to your son you can inform the police and the police do not need to take it any further but it will be on record so if it happens to somebody else it will help with their convictions in later cases or he can when he's strong enough can ask to the police to take it further. I definitely recommend speaking to the police to get help for your son even if he doesn't want to press chargers.

I'm so sorry for you and your son but you've done the right thing by reporting them. Anything that comes of it is the assaulters fault, NOT YOURS.

Chubby this bullying involved razor blades, on the way home from school.

I didn't tell my mum razor blades were involved, I was just refusing to go to school. I would rather have been slashed by razor blades than be taunted by "Mitzi ran to her Mummy crying." Because I was 13, and that seemed perfectly reasonable at the time.

And I quite often do things my children don't want me to...because I'm their mother, I'm an adult, and I think I have better judgement than them.

My 16yo is finally realising I am usually right.