heartbreak..how can i help?

[Mrsj70]

My 18 yr old ds came home from college yesterday, went straight to his bedroom, jammed the door shut and hasn't come out. He hasn't eaten or drunk. Won't speak to me at all apart from telling me to piss off when I offered him food. He starts his A levels next week. I phoned his gf's mum this morning, turns out his gf split up with him yesterday (great timing...not) after 3 years together. On top of that he has AS. What can I/should I do? Feel v helpless. Just left two bottles of lucozade outside his door, at least he wont be dehydrated!

Poor DS. I don't think there's anything you can do really, it's just something most of us have to go through.

Kind gestures - like the Lucozade, or a sandwich - backing off about chores or revision for a few days, and letting him know you're there to talk if he needs to is all you can do.

Avoid saying it was for the best because he won't agree, and don't run her down incase they get back together.

Poor thing. Really shitty timing too. I would buy him some junk food, chocolate, crisps, sweets etc and some cans of drink and leave them outside his room and let him know you're here for him when he's ready.

Put a note under the door saying you'll leave food and drink but he has to eat it and answer you so you know he's okay. Is it possible he might harm himself?

Thanks all. Don't think he'd self harm but obvs will keep a close eye out. I have text him to tell him I love him and am there for him. Like you've said there really isn't much more I can do - just hard to watch and do nothing.

What a horrible situation!! Is it just a really serious argument or is it def over, do you know what has happened?? Is there anyway they might patch it up? Does the girlfriend know how upset he is or did her mum say she was in the same way? So sad, what a shit time before his exams!! Hope thinks get sorted out

what a tough situation. Do you have a family pet you could send in? (My DS is AS and the cat is far better at calming him than I am.)
Can't imagine what you can do other than what you are already doing. Buy his favourite snacks and drink, cook his favourite food, and when he's ready, don't ask about it, just hug him and then gently steer him back on course for his exams. Maybe suggest you help test him on some stuff, or ask him to talk through some subjects with you, just to take his mind off her.

Thanks new , think it might be final. Apparently tears from both in her house yesterday, her mum seemed quite shocked at DS's reaction today and asked me to let her know he is. Just hope it doesnt impact his exams too much, his offers are quite high :(

Great minds silver, I've sent the dog in a few times, hope the doggy kisses help!

Hi, how is your son? x

Thanks for asking new. He disappeared out of the house on Sunday I had no idea where to and was a bit frantic. Eventually I text him and told him to ring me if he needed a lift home. He did ring and after getting the wrong train in the wrong direction!!! (him not me) I met him at the station. He told me he didnt want to talk about it but that he knew I was there for him. He actually ate yesterday and also did some revision with his younger brother, so signs of improvement. Young love eh!!!

Oh I'm so pleased he came out his room and is communicating. That's great he know's he's got your support and has a brother that can help him. Maybe he just needed to clear his head by getting out the house. I had a horrible heart break once and I remember just riding on busses sometimes just to get out of the house and people watch as distraction. Also, I think being out the house and having time to think and reflect might have helped clear his head a little. Must have been scary for you though at the time. That's positive that he has done/starting to do some revision. I wish him the next of luck with his exams and please let us know how he gets on!

**best of luck not next

Thanks for the support