DD and weight

[jennimum]

I joined this forum to see if anyone has similar experiences they can share. My youngest DD (16) is overweight and doesnt seem to care. I dont want to make her self conscious so I dont comment but I do weigh her every week on the gym scales we have at home and track her weight. We eat as a family healthily and have home gym equipment which I encourage everyone to use as well as swim.
That said, she use to be a lot more active, we have 7 seven horses and shes now technically to heavy to ride hers so I limit that a lot. She walks round in crop tops and swims in bikinis so shes obviously not concerned which is good in a way but I wish I could help her be more healthy! Help!

Sorry typos! *weight category

You have 7 horses. Get her mucking out, shifting hay bales, grooming, upkeep of fields, cleaning tack, raking straw. That just as much as the riding will get her fit. Get her a bigger horse if she really is too heavy for hers, or ask her to excercise one of the others.

Pay her, make it a job, so she gets out there and does it.

But yes, you sound barking and obsessed. I am willing to bet she's not actually that overweight.

I do not know what my dd's weigh. They were last weighed at their 6 week check (now teenagers).

The fact that you have gym scales and weigh the family every week makes me wonder if you have a disordered view of healthy.

Again how tall and how heavy is your daughter?

How overweight is overweight exactly in this case?
Technically I was overweight before getting pregnant, but shifting 5lbs would have put me firmly in the 'normal' range of BMI. I personally didn't view that as overweight, just a bit too chubby. There is a big difference between 5lbs and 5 stone!

"and not one single parent knew how much their child weighed. That suggests to me that yes, you are a bit bonkers to be weighing your family at all, let alone WEEKLY!!"

Although to be fair, one child in 3 in the UK is overweight (of which a half are obese), and according to a recent study, the parents of these overweight children are almost all completely oblivious to the fact that their child isn't a healthy weight.

These facts play on my mind when I read a thread on mumsnet about a child being overweight, where 90% of the responses will be people encouraging the poster not to talk about weight to the child, not to weigh them, and not ever to mention that the child is overweight.

I suspect that most of these responses come from people with really slim children.

But you know, for every size 8 teenager who we want to discourage from fixating on becoming a size 6, there are 10 overweight teenagers who are likely to end up as very fat adults.

And weighing them weekly changes that how....?

Thank you minifingers. I was a bit uncomfy posting her weigh on here but its 158.5lbs and shes only 5"4 and doesnt carry it well. I mean by that shes not an athlete. I accept every week is frequent but it helps with trending long term and also as I said she isnt self conscious wears bikinis and crops but I also said I dont want to make her self conscious which is why I wondered if anyone else had this situation.

I don't know Titchy, but adults trying to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight are encouraged to monitor their weight weekly.

Right.
So you've established that she's overweight.
Now stop the weigh-ins.

I think Micah's suggestion at getting her to help at the stables is an excellent idea - and yes, pay her.
Getting strong and fit, loosing weight AND learning about the value of hard-earned money, all in one fell swoop

Minifingers, you are right about overweight/obesity figures. IME overweight people, and in particular teenagers, know they are overweight. AND they, as a rule, don't like it - some will withdraw, some will become the life and soul of the party, some will very constructively address it.
I know (from personal experience) that losing weight is not as simple as 'eat less, move more' although that would undoubtably work. The psychosocial reasons for overeating and sedentary lifestyles are much more complex and not solved bey weekly weigh-ins.

There is an increasing movement towards ditching scales and using waist measurement as an assessment tool.

Personally, I don't need scales, nor measuring tape to know how I am doing weight-wise: my waist band tells me...

its not just a overweight or not overweight fact its incremental like someone said 5 pounds is not the same as 50 pounds. and like I also said her 'waist band' isnt a good indicator

Just one article re waist measurements

Of course there's a difference between 5 or 50 lbs extra weight, but whatever weight is to be shifted, particularly in a teenager, there are more functional ways of encouraging her to lead a health life style than weekly weigh-ins and worrying about what she looks like in a bikini.

I think the only times my DDs (10 and 12) get weighed are:

1. when we go skiing for ski fitting purposes (once a year)
2. when required at the doctor/hospital (extremely rare)
3. occasionally when weighing our luggage going on hols they will jump on our scales (their choice).

SO somewhere between once and three times a year (usually once). I do quietly check their BMI when they are weighed (I usually have a better idea of their height) and think it is helpful to check this occasionally but once or twice a year is sufficient I think. In our case, I check BMI more to keep an eye on DD2 who does not eat much and veers towards underweight. DD1 has been consistently around the 40% mark for years, DD2 somewhere around 5%.

I have a 15 year old dd, I wouldn't dream of weighing her as I like to limit the number of offences she'll have to discuss with her future therapist.

Tricky. She's obv overweight but hardly morbidly obese is she. Drop the weekly weigh ins and encourage her to exercise and eat well.

At 5ft 4, maybe she's still growing and it will even out.

My DDs are already very tall at 14 years old - 5ft 11. One is skinny, the other has put on weight recently and probably won't grow up any more so I'm trying to encourage her to eat better. Difficult though when they are teens and all their friends have constant crap to eat and share. I've no idea what she weighs though.

Sandy are you not worried that you dont know if shes overweight or not? And Id rather know now when shes gaining than we she reaches morbid obesity!

So what exactly is your plan if she keeps gaining weight? Are you going to starve her?

It seems very bizarre and controlling to weigh her every week, and I'm amazed she lets you. Don't understand the purpose though, you can't force her to lose weight, and if she isn't that bothered then she won't want to.

How exactly do you think tracking her weight is going to help her/you?

But it's her body. It's her choice whether she diets. You can encourage a healthily lifestyle but that is all. She is a young lady and needs to treated like one.

of course im not going to starve her! I was asking for advice thats why I came here :-/

I think 11st 4lb at 5ft 4 is over weight, but that sort of size is beginning to be considered the norm these days, which isn't good.

My DD quite often tells her 8 year old that she will get fat if she eats lots of junk. The child would happily munch her way through several bags of crips each day if allowed.

Op I have no ideas for you, except maybe get her a bigger horse.
Presumably you buy healthy food and you all together.

Does she over eat?
I know teenagers who have very healthy diets at home but buy themselves coke and chocolate bars everyday and hid it from their parents.

I think you gave been given a hard time here.
I think you are right to be worried about her weight.

Meant to say 'presumably you all eat together'

I agree with Paxtecum, she's overweight (worryingly so for her height) and if you are eating healthy food at home then she is buying and eating food out of the house.

I see teenagers walking past my house every day with bags of crisps and chocolate bars (sometimes 2 or 3) and bottles of Coca Cola. Presumably on the way home to have their dinner.

Weight isn't the only measure of health though. How is her body fat distributed? If it's all round her tummy then that is indicative of insulin resistance. How is her general health? Does she suffer with digestive problems? Does she sleep well? Is her period normal and regular?

Is she taking the contraceptive pill? A lot of teenage girls do for regulating heavy or painful periods. This can cause huge fluctuations in weight.

You are right to be concerned but I'd be looking at her overall health not just her weight.

I don't think that jennimum was given a hard time for her concern, but for the weekly weigh-ins. And I still think they are counter productive tbh.

jenni, did you see the report on some research on the morning news recently? From memory it suggested that overweight toddler/pre-schoolers were affected by their homes, whereas overweight teenagers were more likely affected by what they ate/what they did outside the home.

I wonder whether she has money and access to sweets/crisps/fizzy drinks/fast food when she is outside your sphere of influence?
As it is only to be expected that teenagers become more independent it is even more important that you treat her like the young adult she is or is becoming.

And yy to looking at the bigger picture: there's increasing evidence that being a fit, overweight person is less risky for overall health than an unfit, v sedentary slim person.

I have no idea what dd currently weighs. She is 13.

I know what she weighed last October as her school physio weighs her as part of the annual healthy dance assessment.

Weekly weighing is madness.

I was quite an obliging child but i don't think i let anyone but a GP weigh me past the age of abut 10!
I was CONSTANTLY pestered about my weight by my mother, despite never being even remotely near the high end of 'normal' BMI scale and it ruined my life for years.
Even now as adults (who does a huge amount of running, BMI of 21) she'll always comment on my or my siblings (one very slim, one definatley underweight) weight, body shape, what we are eating, how much we are eating. Honestly the amount of times i've totally flown of the handle at her for it, most recently we met up for lunch, and having run a half marathon the day before i treated myself to a desert (i probably eat sweet things like that once a week at most), she spent ages going on and on and on about the calorie content.
I really see it from your daughters side of things and feel sorry for her, as i imagine she is probably very frustrated with it all as i was.
Honestly lay off her, weighing every week beyond a very young child or ill child is utterly bizarre.

paxtecum yes we all eat together most of the time. I have found chocolate wrappers in her room before but not very often.
CaptainZoot she does store round her belly, boobs and thighs. This seems like normal for a girl her age though. When you say worryingly so should I be more concerned?
balletgirlmum I assume by your name that your daughter is fit and you have no concerns so I dont see the similarities.