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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Does anyone have teenagers who speak to them in a civilised tone?

56 replies

lilibet · 07/11/2006 09:24

And if so how the hell do you manage it?

dd is nearly 18 and ds1 is 13 and between them they are driving me bloody mad. I don't know why it's getting to me more recently but it is.

Every sentence that they say to me (other than "Can I have a lift?") seems to have a 'tone'.

I'm sure I wasn't like this [saintly emoticon]

OP posts:
Mell2 · 07/11/2006 09:51

I know exactly what you mean. Have actually banned MSN for a week because of the way dd(14) spoke to me. It's not actually what she said but the way she said it. Full of disdain and sarcasm - i'm fed up with it!

I was hoping someone was going to say it gets better but nearly 18! I don't think i'm going to last the course

themoon66 · 07/11/2006 10:26

Nobody can say sorry and make it sound like an insult in the way a teenager can.

DD is 20 and just starting to get better... maybe coz she lives away at university.

DS is 15 and mostly just grunts.

israel · 07/11/2006 10:37

They are a strange bunch...teenagers....My 15 year old daughter...has bouts of grunts and looks that are real killers...she only snaps out of it...when I mirror what she does....its hard...but it gets my point across.....and I do get my lovely daughter back, when she giggles, once she realises what I am doing.

winnie · 07/11/2006 10:46

themoon66, "Nobody can say sorry and make it sound like an insult in the way a teenager can" I completely relate to that

themoon66 · 07/11/2006 11:07

My own mother assures me that I wasn't like that as a teenager myself, so where the hell did my two get it from? Must be something to do with my bad parenting skills

shewhoneverdusts · 07/11/2006 14:28

My dd (13) attempts the attitude or the eye raising on occasion and I growl at her "don't you ever speak to me like that", it usually works, well, at the moment anyway!

NotActuallyAMum · 07/11/2006 14:41

Mell2 "it's not actually what she said but the way she said it. Full of disdain and sarcasm" So, so true. I often have to leave the room, and sometimes even the house, when dsd starts

And I definitely wasn't like that at 13, I wouldn't have dared to speak to my parents like that, and tbh even if I had dared, I had more respect for them

Nice to know I'm not alone

Sincerely hope, though, that it doesn't last till she's 18 like lilibet's dd! I honestly won't survive that long!!

jampots · 07/11/2006 14:44

my dd does generally but occasionally she will develop a cocky selfishness

absolving her from her MSN and Myspace duties usually cures that though

yoyo · 07/11/2006 14:52

Anyone read the Family section of The Guardian on Saturdays? I really hope that this is a gross exaggeration of life with teenagers although I suspect not.

LittleSarah · 07/11/2006 14:53

All teenagers are moody and sullen to some degree. I know I had my moments. My younger bro and sis have been worse (so my parents have said) and with my sister in particular she can still be very teenagery at 17. (Other times she is lovely).

Some don't seem to grow out of it. My old flatmate was (and still is) a moody so and so!

Am sure yours will!

littlemissbossy · 07/11/2006 14:55

we have two teenage grunters in this house also ... well until they want money, a lift, clothes etc ... that's when I worry when they suddenly display an unconvincingly charming element of their personality
they think I was born yesterday [sounding like my mother emoticon]
thing is they're like every other teenager I know

2Shoes · 07/11/2006 15:21

pmsl Is there sucha thing?
sorry but the very idea made me laugh. I spend my life telling ds to talk to me nicely(does sometimes the rest is just attitude)

suedonim · 07/11/2006 15:40

I have selective deafness. I can only hear people when I'm addressed in a civilised manner.

Heathcliffscathy · 07/11/2006 15:59

if your teenagers don't hate you they will never leave home.

all of your teenagers feel safe enough to be able to exercise their rebellious attempt at individuation by being sulky and moody and plain rude.

doesn't mean you have to take it, but i don't for a second think it is down to bad parenting.

themoon66 · 07/11/2006 20:38

I know when DD wants something from me because her opening line will always be 'Hi Mum, you know how much you love me, right?' Then she will slip her arm through mine.

SSSandy · 07/11/2006 20:40

fun ahead by the sounds of things!

LittleWonder · 07/11/2006 21:01

oh, thank you all for this thread!! I just had one of those days with my 14yo DD. I think they have to use "the tone" in front of friends? I take her and friend to school daily, ergo, the daily "tone". I then feel worked up /upset for ages. By evening, I have calmed down and hope to have a reasonable conversation. the eyes are glazed over as she looks at me, I can see she is thinking "lecture time" - and I have no DH to hep me out here. then, I talk quietly and reasonably about taking away her mouse and grounding her, because that's all she seems to understand - hey presto, as I write this, she is in her bedroom practising her flute!!
We have good times too. But the grunting and the TONE thing, I say take away the mouse, every time! It's a marvellous currency, no MySpace, MSN, and handwritten homework.....
My DS is 12 and wonderful, I dread the teenage hormonal grunt thing, maybe he will bypass it.
Of course DD hates the fact that I do not have to use firm language with DS so she is free to loathe him.
Oh rantety rant, I eagerly await some answers. Personally I think mouse confiscation ROCKS.

Original poster
lilibet · 07/11/2006 21:28

Glad to know that I'm not alone!

When I posted that this morning I had ahd a bad night yesterday and then arguments this morninggggg, so I was a bit tender to say the leasst. They can both be lovely people, dd is a real sweetie and ds1 can be a total charmer when he want to but then...........................

aaarrgghhh

I actually don't think that they know that
they are doing it some of the time

OP posts:
mooshy · 07/11/2006 23:12

Amonst all the grunting what chores (if any ) do you expect 14 year old to do ?
My dd is 14 with 11 year old sis and 3 year old bro.I work part time demanding job and dh works very long hours.Have decided to set a pocket money rota -ha.Is it wishful thinking ???

agalch · 08/11/2006 07:11

My 15 yr old ds does the days dishes every day for a set allowance of 40 quid a month.He also gets a 10 pound top up for his phone.

But he quite often goes to stay over with his gf and her family and has started babysitting for a family i used to childmind for so at least 2 nights a week we end up doing the dishes for him.

I keep saying i will dock his allowance but i never do,maybe i should?

have to say he went thru the stroppy teen thing early on(around 10/11) and he seems to be coming out the other side now thank goodness.Since he met his gf his mood attitude and general behaviour has improved loads.

So nice that i like my boy again lol.We have asked him to be his dads best man at our wedding in April and he's already thinking about his speech.

Just got to get thru ds2,and the dd's teen years,no wonder i have grey hairs.

Original poster
lilibet · 08/11/2006 12:38

my ds1 is expected to make his bed, keep his room tidy, empty the dishwasher, get everyone drinks at meal times and do his own ironing.

I would do his ironing if when I gave him a pile of ironed clothes he put them away correctly rather then stuff them in a drawer, but as after I have ironed them they look like I haven't bothered I refuse to do his irnong!

He's quite good at it actually

OP posts:
LittleWonder · 08/11/2006 13:28

My 14 DD gets allowance and phone paid for by exH..as I get no other money from him at all I don't link chores to it. She is expected to tidy and clean her own room. (Room is usually like pig-sty) They both have to load dishwasher after meals. That is all they do.
We had meeting at school last week about coursework and GCSE's and in the brochure it says not to ask them to do chores - must remember to cut out that page and shred it.
QUESTION: - how much of this grunting is genuinely hormonal?
how much is fashion?
How much is peer pressure?
Bet this doesn't go on in other parts of the world - why?
do we encourage this somehow?
I really would like to know - I was at boarding school, so we had to get on with it or risk having no friends, have no idea what went on in the real world.
Answers most gratefully appreciated

Tinker · 08/11/2006 13:33

Oh no. My 9 year old is already like this [weary emoticon] But, I did speak to my mother like this (and sometimes still do! ) I want to be selectively deaf to this but it's horrible. I want a tv sitcom family.

Tortington · 08/11/2006 13:43

haven't spoken to my daughter for 2 days i am on the edge of dragging her by her hair to the top of a volcano and throwing her in.

Original poster
lilibet · 08/11/2006 13:46

Wondered when i'd see you on this thread Custy

But I do always think that you have it sussed when it comes to teenagers.

Tinker, my ds1 was a teenager at 9 too, but ds2 is still a sweetie at nearly 10

OP posts:
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