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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Appointments - When to Stop Accompanying Them ?

15 replies

LIZS · 29/04/2015 08:37

I was idly wondering as I watched my 17yo in dental hygienist chair yesterday whether I actually needed to be there. Logistically we still need to drive him to dentist, orthodontist etc . Not been to gp in a while. He is dyspraxic and not overly comfortable in such circumstances. What do others do ?

OP posts:

MrsSquirrel · 29/04/2015 10:47

I wonder the same thing sometimes.

My dd is 16 and I still go with her. I ask her every time if she wants me there and so far she always says yes.

SecretSquirrels · 29/04/2015 11:18

The consultation will be directed at the DC once they are early teens I have found.
After 16 I go with them if they want me to or if I think it's important. For example I wouldn't bother with routine dental or optical appointments. However if it's a none routine medical issue that is causing worry then I would want to go to make sure the DC gives the doctor all the information and asks all the right questions. I don't speak unless I think it's really important though.

MEgirl · 29/04/2015 11:21

I will go to some until they are 16 because many places won't deal with under 16s with no parent in attendance.

Mine have seen GPs without me being in the room but that only after they doctor asked to speak to them alone. One of the DTs has asked to go to the GP about something and I've told him to book the appointment himself. They'll be 16 in August. I drop them off at the dentist/hygienist to ensure they get there but don't always stay in the room. I get feedback from the dentist when they are finished. Probably will continue to do that until they are 18 as I am paying and I want to know what I'm paying for. We have a history of non-compliance with the ortho which has wasted a lot of time and money.

Theas18 · 29/04/2015 11:56

I think it's a learning curve like all independence skills and has to be done in baby steps.

I'm a GP. people think I'm mad as I'll ask a 3yr old what's wrong with them- usually they give me a good indication - pointing to an ear or telling me they were sick on the cat- then I'll get a detailed history from the parent. Mid primary kids can usually, if allowed, give a really good account of their problems (and it'll be scrambled up with what X did to Y at school and how hard the maths is, but that's fine too!) and certainly by 14 I'd expect the parent to let them lead and ask the questions they want to know about treatment etc - obviously parent is there for things they don't know/understand and to check treatment is taken appropriately.

I'm happy to see a 14-15yr old alone or with a note from mum saying " can't come I'm at work ring me if needed" about minor stuff but I'd ring a parent if I was prescribing ( with the child's consent) . Certainly at 14+ Fraser competence comes in properly and most kids are Ok to handle their own minor problems and for confidentiality to be respected if thy ask for it - as long as thy are not at risk ( I always tell kids if I'm worried you are at risk of harm I might not be able to keep things you tell me secret ). I work up to this with 14/15yr olds by telling them that in presence of a parent.Much of this sort of stuff is colds/hayfever/verrucas - not poorly people though. Obviously if thy were seriously ill Mum would have come out of work or gran would bring them.

I worry about 17/18 yr old normal kids who still come with mum, and mum does all the talking !

Mumblechum1 · 29/04/2015 11:59

I think I stopped going in with DS when he was 15 but was always in the waiting room till he could drive himself there at 18.

rainbowjoy · 29/04/2015 17:00

I drive my ds14 to his dentist for his braces but after the first appointment where I felt irrelevant sat in the chair with the dentist talking direct to my son I left him to it. This started when he was 13. Obviously I'm in the waiting room if he needs me. I also sent him in to the nurse for a tetanus jab alone but was called in for that one as he needed an adult with him.

bigbluebus · 29/04/2015 21:04

Theas You reminded me of when I took DS (16)to the GP one morning after I received a phone call to say he had collapsed at school and possibly had a seizure. I went in with DS as he had just been scraped up off the floor. The GP asked him what he had for breakfast. DS replied "Coco Pops - only actually they weren't Coco Pops they were some crap alternative cos Mum's a cheapskate". Sometimes our kids just give away too much information.
Don't think the GP thought there was much wrong with him after that.

I took DS to the dentist whilst it was necessary for me to drive him there but once he turned 16 the dentist said I didn't need to come any more as he could sign his own forms. He now books his appointments for his lunchbreak from college as it is only down the road, so he takes himself.

Travelledtheworld · 30/04/2015 09:03

Took DD 16 to the doctor last week for somthing really minor and she asked me to come into the consulting room with her......
Next time she can go in on her own.

bruffin · 30/04/2015 09:12

DD 17 goes to the orthodontics by herself, but i went with her to the gp the other week because she wanted me to.
DS went to his first gp appointment when he was 16 re his allergies, the gp asked why he came alone

BackforGood · 30/04/2015 20:10

I think it's a gradual thing. For example, dd is 16 and last time she went to the Drs, I went with her, but then said 'I'll wait here if you like' when she went in for the actual appt - so I was around if she wanted me to be, but not intruding by forcing my way in, in case she didn't.

Mitzi50 · 30/04/2015 20:16

Same as bruffin - I went with DS (17) to a recent GP appointment at his request but he takes himself to the orthodontist.

I still go with DD (18) to her eye appointments as she has had a couple of operations and other issues so she'd prefer I was there to give her medical history.

HearTheThunderRoar · 01/05/2015 07:38

I never go to DD's (15) orthodontist appointments because they are 10 minuets long, she can walk their within 20 minuets but if it is during school time i'll come and pick her up and take her back to school.

Did not go to DD GP appointment for a throat infection back in March as it a 5 minuet walk, she was fine, she just explained what was wrong with her. I mainly don't go to the appointments as I work ft and it's just as quick for her to go herself. She has never been queried about going alone and I've never had to write a note (but we're not in the UK)

I do go to DD's dentist appointments though but thats due to her having a lot dentistry problems and history. She likes me there though for support., just in case she needs major work done.

AnyFucker · 01/05/2015 07:43

I am bound to get parental consent for under 16's for safeguarding reasons. For 14/15 yo's that would entail a person with PR being present at the first visit but not necessarily subsequently. Even if a GP attends I have to insist on verbal consent given over the phone or by letter.

bigTillyMint · 01/05/2015 09:27

DD(15) has been to regular appointments on her own, but would always want me to come on anything new/one-off. I will continue to do this until she feels comfortable going on her own - hopefully by the time she is 18!

unlucky83 · 01/05/2015 09:55

I have block appts for dental checkups (3 of us) - DD1 makes her own way there after school, she goes past it on the school bus. A year or so ago (she was 12ish) I thought I was going to be late (ended up looking after another child after primary school at short notice) -I phoned DD1 and told her to just go in before us. When we arrived (thankfully just a few minutes late) she was standing outside, to one side of the door so the receptionist couldn't see her - too nervous to go in on her own!
Last time I went she (almost 14) she was inside, about to go in with the dentist on her own. (I still want to go in with her, so I know if she has had a bollocking for not brushing her teeth/eating too much crap etc)
Same with opticians - I and they would let her go in on her own now. In fact she might have to today for part of it as the only appt I could get clashes (but I have to sign). And I want/need to be there today - she is bad at leaving her contact lenses in constantly 24hrs a day - she got told off for it 6 months ago, I remind her but she is still doing it - I suspect we are getting to the cancel her prescription stage...not going to be pleasant ...)
GPs - she is never ill! But for her ADHD diagnosis appt I had to go - mainly to fill in her history. I will continue to go - she doesn't currently take medication, to change that would be a big decision -not one I think she should have to take on her own.

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