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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Found plan b in daughter's room. What to do now?

86 replies

teatimeandtantrums · 24/03/2015 16:40

Hi all,
I'm a newbie here, so please bear with me!
Today, I was putting clothes by in dd's room, she is 16. I opened one of the drawers to put socks away and at the bottom seen something sticking out. I rummaged around and pulled out a box of the morning after pill. I looked inside and there was none in it,. This was about an hour ago and I am shocked and feel physically sick to my stomach.
Dd has being going out with her boyfriend for 5ish months now and they spend a lot of time with each other. I've always been open to her and made it very clear that she can approach me with any question or problem she may have. I guess in a sense I was being naive in thinking that she wouldn't have sex just yet.

She is currently at hockey practice and will be home in an hour, I would really appreciate some advice on how to tackle this. I realise i can't stop her having sex but surely I have the right to know and ensure that she is being safe and using protection?

Many thanks :)

OP posts:

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/03/2015 17:55

I do the family laundry but leave the teens' stuff in piles on the landing. To be honest I am quite uneasy about venturing into their rooms uninvited, let alone their drawers.

But really, everything Laurie said on the last page. I positively encouraged my DD to go on the pill when she started a relationship; there is just so much to be lost by a teenage pregnancy.

Shockers · 24/03/2015 17:59

Whoever takes the stuff of the line/maiden puts it away here... sometimes the adults, sometimes the teens.

If she were to become pregnant, would it be you she turned to for support OP? If that's the case, why shouldn't you also support her with contraception, if she is open to that? You're her mum. I still ask my parents for emotional support and advice at 48!

LeBearPolar · 24/03/2015 18:21

I'm sorry to be light-hearted on a serious thread but, like a PP, I read your thread title and genuinely thought you'd opened the door to this...

Found plan b in daughter's room. What to do now?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/03/2015 18:37

Me too Le Bear, I thought,"Well it's a bit sweary but she is 16...."

I wouldn't have had a clue that Plan B is a MAP. Thankfully my days of needing one are behind me.

Original poster

teatimeandtantrums · 24/03/2015 18:44

LeBearPolar don't worry about it haha, it's honestly made me laugh and lightened the mood

Just a quick update- she came in and had a shower and got changed and came down. I asked her all the usual stuff "how was your day etc". Owned up and said that I had found the box, she didn't seem bothered at all. She said that she and her boyfriend had had sex on friday after school, they used protection but the condom split and so they went to get MAP from boots, she said that she was going to tell me but decided that she didn't want to worry me. I said that I was very proud that she had taken such a sensible approach and to make sure she continued to be safe in the future but that she could ALWAYS come to me no matter what. I broached the topic of how this is a wakeup call the condoms are not 100% reliable and that it may be best to go and get her sorted out at the doctors with another contraceptive such as the pill. She said that she was actually going to bring it up with me to sort something out, so I'm going to take her to the gp on thursday to sort out our options. I'm happy and relieved the way things have turned out and it has showed me how mature she can be (just have to sort the laundry thing out now)

Thanks for the massive help ladies

OP posts:

WishUponAStar88 · 24/03/2015 18:47

Well done tea it sounds like a well handled conversation and that you have a lovely sensible daughter :)

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/03/2015 18:56

You sound lovely and well done for handling such a tough situation.

your dd sounds really sensible too..its great she has your support and can come to you.

Honeypot1 · 24/03/2015 19:37

I take my hat off to you, very well handled. If you're free in another 11 years time, you can always advise me too!

LaurieFairyCake · 24/03/2015 19:39

Very well done

LondonRocks · 24/03/2015 20:03

Ah, really pleased for you (both)

Fairylea · 24/03/2015 20:05

That's great. It sounds a little bit like she kind of wanted you to find it... you handled it really well. :)

vic1981 · 24/03/2015 20:09

VivienneMary, just wondered why you would be "really disappointed if this was my daughter"?

HermioneWeasley · 24/03/2015 20:13

Well done OP

Egog · 24/03/2015 20:47

Well done. I'm so glad. Nice when there's a happy ending!

Rivercam · 24/03/2015 21:14

Well done.

ssd · 24/03/2015 23:09

well done op and nerrrrr!! to the posters who said you have no right to know about this!

lemonyone · 25/03/2015 00:01

Wonderful news.
You sound like you have a fantastic relationship with your DD, and coming clean was the best thing for both of you. I hope I'm as calm and collected as you in a few years time.
It must be so hard that suddenly at age 16 you have no rights at all to know your DDs body and what goes on with it, when they are still living under your roof and under your protection!

differentnameforthis · 25/03/2015 02:36

FFS, no moral leg to stand on, shes her mother!!

And her daughter is 16 & allowed her privacy! And I say this as someone who had my mother rifling through my drawers constantly, trying to find anything she could to use as s stick to beat me with!

At 16 she is old enough to be putting her own stuff away (my 6yr old puts her own clothes away) and is entitled to her privacy. As hard as that is to accept....

I will emphasise the need for protection and keeping safe to her That's all you can so...have the discussion on a 'you've been together for almost 6mths now..." and take it from there. Chances are, if you have prepared her for sex & had good talks about it, it a just a scare, but she is obviously sensible enough to know there are ways to prevent pregnancy & took action, you should be proud.

differentnameforthis · 25/03/2015 02:39

Saw the update...next time I'll read all your posts & not post when I am in a hurry!

btw, I was implying that you are looking for stuff to 'beat her' with, it just bought back lots of memories of having my privacy violated.

Glad it all worked out well.

herecomesthsun · 25/03/2015 02:56

I am 50 and was brought up in a strict RC family. Am amazed at all the people saying "no right to know", I can see that a 16 year old is an adult, but I would have thought a lot of parents would see a teenage child living under their roof as needing to follow their guidance on this. My parents would have thought they had the right to have a fit on finding the MAP. My dd is only 3 so no practical experience. The conversation you had with her sounds great though.

Loveallmyboys · 25/03/2015 03:26

Well played mum! Sounds like you have a pretty solid relationship with your daughter. You should be very proud of her, and of yourself for handling a potentially awkward situation so well.
I was a total bitch when I was 16 and would have flipped out at my mum for having that conversation with me!
I'm so glad I have 3 sons!

swazza · 25/03/2015 08:28

I am so glad that conversation went the way it did. What a lovely mature and sensible young lady you have as your daughter Teatimeandtantrums. Tbh - that conversation couldnt have gone much better really.

differentnamefor this - I think there is a big difference between a mother coming across something in her daughters room whilst going about normal household tasks (that are obvioulsy a normal part of Teatimeandtantrums familiy routine and not something new so daughter would be aware mum puts her clothes away as she has done for the past 16 years) than a mum who "rifles" through her childrens stuff looking for stuff to throw at them as you describe. That must have been awful for you.

I recall being on the pill whilst still living at home at age 16. I remember hiding the packets in old board games never used at the back of my wardrobe and taking the empty packets to dispose of on the the way to work because I didnt want my mum to find them and she never went through my stuff - she dumped laundry at the bedroom door. It was more embarrassment than being scared. I just didnt want "that" conversation with my mother. What I am getting at - is that most teens if they want to hide stuff that badly they will. Teens always have certain level secrets and stuff they dont share with their parents as they negotiate the rocky path between childhood and adult hood.

Bakeoffcake · 25/03/2015 08:42

I too thought DD had a pop star in her bedroom

I'm glad it's all turned out well- having 2dds I know these things have to approached calmly, and as others have said, thinking time is usually needed before bringing things up. You dealt with this really well.

ICantFindAFreeNickName · 25/03/2015 16:53

Well done to both you & your daughter, it sounds like you have a great relationship. It sounds like your DD and her boyfriend have a pretty good relationship too. I just hope that when my 12 year old DD gets to that age, we can have the same sort of relationship.

barleysugar · 25/03/2015 16:58

I'm really close to my mother but there's no way on earth I would have told her I'd taken the MAP!

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