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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teen and driving

25 replies

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 28/01/2015 00:06

I am told by my 17yo DS that I should be buying his provisional licence and also buying him a car. I am a single parent with no help from his father so this is nigh on impossible! He wasn't happy, as all his mates are provided with licences and cars by their parents. Am I responsible for this? Many moons ago, I bought my own PL, paid for my driving lessons and then bought myself a car (an old banger!) all from my very hard earned wages. Am I out of touch here? Old fashioned maybe? Please put me straight...

OP posts:

GemmaTeller · 28/01/2015 09:24

I think they all try this at some point.

Our DD did the same, everyone else had a car bought for them by their dad, everyone else had endless streams of money from parents, everyone else just had everything and she was so poor and hard done by!!

No amount of trying to discuss the running and upkeep of a car would be listened to (she had a small part time job)

We gave her money for 10 driving lessons for her 17th then £1000 cash for her 18th.
She bought a car with the £1000 and her mum paid for one years insurance and she was told by both parents there was no more money towards the car.

She learnt the hard way and sold the car when she went to uni.

Delilahfandango · 28/01/2015 09:28

When my son was 17 he did it all himself - paid for all of it. He was an apprentice on rubbish money but still managed. Our contribution was to not take any housekeeping from him!.

Theselittlelightsofmine · 28/01/2015 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/01/2015 09:35

He's trying it on, as teenagers will.

I'm fine for teenagers learning to drive, by the way, but not at all keen on them driving regularly. Both the accidents I have been in have been as a result of boy racers (who think they are immortal, and who don't think of other people at all) crashing into me. (I don't drive, but was a passenger both times.)

It won't kill him to take the bus, as many millions of other people do.

BirdintheWings · 28/01/2015 09:38

We paid for the provisional licence. The lessons and tests have been up to him.

He can't afford to buy, so is insured to drive my car 'no more than 20% of the week' and has a black box fitted. Annoyingly, this means he can compare his driving stats with mine and point out that my braking is not nearly as smooth as it could be.

OllyBJolly · 28/01/2015 09:49

Heard it!

and everyone has their ears pierced at 10, and everyone is allowed to stay up until midnight at 11....

My daughter's best friend was given a brand new convertible Audi for her 18th. Some kids just have it lucky. My two got lessons for their 17th birthday - everything else was up to them.

You can only do what you can do - don't let him convince you otherwise!

bobs123 · 28/01/2015 09:56

It's different for everyone. I have bought the provisional for DD and am paying for driving lessons. However by the time she passes it's be time for uni so I will probably insure her on mine for the times she is at home.

It can be interesting to check out insurance on a comparison site...how much currently for provisional, then play around with DOB and make like he's just passed his test, then how much if he's been driving for a year...scary stuff! Ditto as additional driver in your car if it's low cc

ChillySundays · 28/01/2015 13:03

It's what you can afford. My DD had 10 lessons paid for and a car for her 18th (about £1200). Paid for the a couple of extra lessons nearer the test.

I paid her insurance for 2 years which cost me £1800 the first year which went down substantially the 2nd year. It wasn't easy paying it but it was going to cost me that to have her on my insurance. Tax and petrol were down to her. She works and pays her own insurance now.

Can't remember who paid for the provisional but know she paid for a new one when she lost it!!

There were kids in her year who were driving around in new cars. There were others telling her they would kill to have her car as they had to but their own £500 car.

The consensus is definitely that if you are going to university there is no need for a car.

Manyproblemsinthishouse · 28/01/2015 13:09

My neice has started driving, her mum gave her £2k for driving and DN had to pay it back at £100pm, worked well!

PeaStalks · 28/01/2015 13:54

If you can't afford it he will have to wait.
Having said that where we live they do all learn to drive at 17 and very many do get cars bought for them.
Fortunately I can afford it and paid for DS1 to learn. It cost in total about £800 and then I insured him on my car for another £800.
DS2 is approaching 17 and he will get the same.
I will buy them cars when they are about 21 as they don't need a car at uni and can borrow mine when they are at home.

bigbluebus · 28/01/2015 16:02

My DS gave me that story line too - "Everyone one else is getting a car for their 17th birthday". Fortunately, I bumped into the Mum of one of his friends in a professional capacity and she assured me that it most definitely wasn't happening in their household.
DS paid for his own provisional licence and we gave him 10 driving lessons as a birthday present and a further 10 for Christmas. When they ran out he had to pay for the few others he had himself. He also paid for his theory test and then his practical test (twice). We paid to put him on the insurance for one of our cars (as it saved us being a taxi service in the evenings).

He did, however, show me some photos on Facebook of the cars belonging to some of the girls in his year at College - one was brand new with personalised number plates . I happen to know of this family so it was no great surprise. Of his friends that have cars, they are old bangers and the boys have jobs to run the vehicles. DS does not have a job so no need for a car IMO.

BirdintheWings · 28/01/2015 16:23

Yes, one of DS's year splashed photos all over Facebook of her new car (bought for her 17th birthday and delivered to school FFS), with accompanying gush about how she luvved her parents sooo much and they were just OMG Awsum the Best Evvs.

Thanks, parents.

Luckily DS is the type to say 'what on Earth is the point of insuring a new car before you can even drive?'

Original poster

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 28/01/2015 23:05

Thank you for all your replies. I'm so glad I asked as I was beginning to think I was the worse parent! I will help him whatever way I can, it's just this 'sense of entitlement' I find difficult to deal with. I'm sure he'll grow out of it..won't he?

OP posts:

ArcheryAnnie · 29/01/2015 08:43

WillIEver if it's any consolation, when my DS hits 17, the most he will be getting in the way of transport as a gift is a railcard!

gingerfluffball · 29/01/2015 09:02

When I learned to drive, I went half with my parents on a second hand car in reasonable nick (I had a small bit of inheritance money from a grandparent). Grandparents paid for driving lessons as birthday present. I paid road tax, insurance, petrol etc.

Saying that, I was one of the very few in my year at school whose parents were able to help out, others had been saving up from holiday jobs for years and did it all themselves.

throckenholt · 29/01/2015 09:12

There is no should about it. It depends totally on family circumstances and inclinations. I think maybe rural teenagers get much more value out of driving than town/city kids and therefore maybe it is a higher priority for them.

Your money, your child, your choice.

GemmaTeller · 29/01/2015 10:21

DD started early with the 'entitlement' .....

DD aged about 8 'Can I have a horse?' -ALL my best friends have one...

DH 'you do realise you'll have to get up early and see to it before school then go back after school, spend Sat and Sun etc'

DD 'can't you pay someone to do that for me?'

the following 15 years haven't been much different

specialsubject · 29/01/2015 17:35

you can't afford it so end of.

time he got more involved in understanding where money comes from and where it goes. He's old enough to get involved in the household budget.

Mrsjayy · 30/01/2015 09:54

We paid for dd1s provisional and her test she didn't get a car until she had passed her text and could afford to run a car but at the time EVERYBODY had a car to learn In so they passed their tests In 2 months or something you don't need to do anything but a lot of parents do get the provisional and lessons for 17th birthdays your son will see that and think well I would like that too.

Mrsjayy · 30/01/2015 09:57

Dd was still at school when she started her lessons and a lot of them did drive to school in new cars I was

BackforGood · 03/02/2015 23:22

I did pay for the first 10 lessons for ds, as his 17th birthday present, as my parents had done for me. However, that was within our budget and didn't leave us hungry or the house unheated.
I will do the same for my dds, all things being equal.
However, after that they are on their own and have had to work to save for lessons, and ask Grandparents and Aunts / Uncles for money in lieu of a gift to put towards driving lessons, at Christmas and birthday.
They will get a car once they can afford to save and buy one, and, more expensively, pay for their insurance.

TheFairyCaravan · 03/02/2015 23:31

We paid for the provisional, the lessons, the test and we insured them on one of our cars as a learner. When they passed their tests they bought their cars and we paid (still are for DS2) for the insurance. We give DS2 £10 a week for petrol because he uses his car to get to school and it would cost more than that in bus fares.

We might have to help DS2 when he as it uni because he is doing nursing and they sometimes need a car. DS1 is 20 now and in the army, he pays for all his stuff himself!

dottygamekeeper · 03/02/2015 23:47

Grandparents and ourselves gave birthday & Christmas money towards driving lessons. DS is insured as the main driver on my car (as he uses it the most, luckily I have use of DHs car) - he takes his sister to school about 11 miles away, then drives on to his school in a different town a further 9 miles away - we pay for petrol as the bus fares would be more.

We did choose to replace my original car with a smaller newer one, when we knew he was going to start driving, because the old one, though not worth much, was much more to insure because it had a bigger engine.

For us, living in the sticks, it has been great that he is able to drive since he can take both of them to 6th form, and can drive himself to work at weekends, plus get himself to babysitting duties and other activities. I am therefore happy that he has use of a car.

DD will be learning in June and we will repeat the process, but they will have to share use of my car as neither of them can be insured on DHs car.

circular · 04/02/2015 13:17

We paid for provisional and lessons for DD1s 17th birthday, yet to take test.

Car purchase has come up for discussion, as been considering getting a car to practise on. Ours not insurable for a learner.
We have agreed she can have the proceeds of an older car we recently sold (not suitable to insure for her) towards the purchase. We will also pay first years insurance, but she must put away monthly amounts for repairs and next years tax/insurance.
Also plan to give her £10 a week petrol money, which is around her current school journey costs.
All conditional on me being named driver so can have occasional use, as only hav one family car. Would also mean I could keep it going for her when she goes off to Uni in September. Not sure where to yet, but all choices likely to mean several weekends back home.

Having worked out her running costs would be over half what she gets from p/t work, she may be having second thoughts....

notquiteruralbliss · 08/02/2015 19:57

We live in a rural area so it is in our interest to have DCs able to ferry themselves around. Paid for driving lessons then CBT plus motorbike for eldest when she went to uni, driving lessons and (safe, reliable but by no means new) car for next one down @ 17 when her job moved and she needed a car to continue working there and CBT plus moped for 16yo.

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