DS's girlfriend staying over?

[DancingtilDawn]

DS 17 has asked whether his girlfriend can stay over next weekend, he is sensible and his girlfriend is lovely, but do I make them sleep in separate rooms, or let her sleep in his room with him? This is his first proper girlfriend and I feel like it might be time to have 'the talk'? Advice please!!

I think you may be a bit late for 'the talk'.

Ask him what his expectations are first?? He might not expect to be in same room yet??

I would start by asking him what he wants, ' It is going to be great when the lovely Lulu comes to stay any ideas about the sleeping arrangements?'

Even if they are lovers they may not want to be together under your roof.

Until our DS was 18 we said separate bedrooms. We ignored corridor creeping and turned a bit of a blind eye, but our rule was go to bed and wake up in the proper bedrooms.

We have younger dc though, and wanted to maintain a degree of strictness partly because of them. I would possibly relax it when DS3 gets to that age.

Also, I think it depends on what the arrangement is at the girlfriends house.

Gill DH has had a sort of talk with him already, meant more of a follow up about safe sex etc.

I think he assumes they'll be in the same room but will double check, bowlersarm the girlfriend is a boarder at their school so he hasn't been to hers yet

The talk...? Blimey that's old fashioned.

I would however suggest a family conference. Where you can all talk. Are there younger kids/siblings? What's his plan? Does he assume she stays in his room? Is he assuming sex? What about her? Think about her parents, will they mind? Can she sleep elsewhere? Think about him being sure if sex is likely that he knows she means yes. Do they have/sorted protection? Can you get some?

They might just watch tv late and crash. They might go out then come back.

I've had this with DS1.
I don't agree that the Talk is old fashioned. You do need to do it and please not in front of the whole family!!
It's not a talk about the birds and bees, it's a talk about sex, relationships and contraception. Making sure that condoms are used even if she is on the pill. Make sure he knows there are condoms in the bathroom.
I would ask outright whether he expects her to share his room and if yes are her parents okay with that. If they are both 17 I wouldn't object.

DS is an only child so no worries about siblings. I am assuming sex at the moment as DS asked if she could come once I had told him that DH and I were out that night and they have been together for about 3 months now. He is 17 and she is 16 so I can't really object to them having sex. He is out at the moment but will try and have a full conversation with him later. My response earlier was a quick yes, probably before he got on the bus to school, so will try and talk properly later about what he expects

I would want to speak to the girl's parents as well, just to check out what their understanding is of her staying over

I have a DS of 20 years old who sadly isn't living with me anymore, making his own way in the world. But if this situation had happened to me I would have allowed them to share my son's room if that's what they wanted to do. I don't see a problem with it, little ones don't actually take any notice as their friends get to have sleepovers in their rooms as well. Its just a sleepover, no big deal or maybe I am to laid back. This will be a big deal to your son and his GF their first proper parent allowed sleepover and I think the fact he has asked you if his GF can stay over is lovely. They are acting like adults and I think should be treated as such.
A safe sex chat is never a bad idea.

Amazing how quickly they grow up isn't it x

From a different angle, as a parent of DDs, would not have a problem with DD1 (17) staying at boyfriends and sleeping in same room, provided she was safe and contraception in place. I'm fairly sure they're not sexually active, have had 'the talk' and also the not doing anything you don't feel ready for yet. But I would feel strange being contacted by boyfriends parents, unless I already knew them. Would expect DD to tell me herself, and boyfriends mum to question her as to whether her parents knew.

Similarly, if they asked for a sleepover at ours, I would question BF (also 17) as to whether his parents knew. Sticking point for us would be DD2 (12 going on 20) who would be very curious if they shared a room. So would probably have a token air bed in DD1s room.

I let mine stay in the same room. It then opens the door for more truthful / open conversations rather than them saying what they think we want to hear.