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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenage house party!

25 replies

ILoveGreekCats · 08/01/2015 09:30

DD15 wants to have about15 friends over on Saturday evening for a party. No alcohol, upstairs doors locked, we'll go out for a couple of hours. I know there'll be a certain amount of mess to clear up (crumbs everywhere, spilled drinks etc) but what else should I be prepared for?

OP posts:

afreshstartplease · 08/01/2015 09:41

Alcohol

It will most likely appear

newyear15 · 08/01/2015 09:42

it certainly will appear - and expect more than 15 to turn up.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 08/01/2015 09:47

In my experience you there will be more than 15, alcohol will appear, is it mixed (boy girl)......i would stay around.

PurpleWithRed · 08/01/2015 09:53

Alcohol, and either 50 people to turn up or only 3 which will leave you with an upset DD feeling like a social failure. Someone's child will behave very badly (drunk/sex/break your glasses/sick on your cream carpet). People your DD doesn't know may up as friends-of-friends and some may be Unsuitable.

But IMHO this is all part of being parent of a teenager - we've been there and survived it. I'd go out for a couple of hours; it will make it much more fun for DD if you can handle the stress. Good rite of passage for her and for you.

Theas18 · 08/01/2015 09:57

Depends on your child and their mates of course. My DD2 and mates would eat pizza and watch disney, sherlock or the hollow crown but she's a bit ... hmm .. unusual.

There will be alcohol I reckon.

Do you know who shes invited, have you ever met them?

I wouldn't go out but I'd be happy to hide upstairs if she wanted and really keep to that unless there was reason not to.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 08/01/2015 10:00

It obviously depends on the child. I had no problem letting my 15 yr old have his two friends staying over new years eve while we went out to visit friends locally.
However 15 is more and you will not know all of them well plus the dynamic is different. It will be on facebook and the fact that parents are out will be on facebook as well. We had a couple of those when DS1 was that age....
My biggest concern would be "legal" highs as at 15 they genuinely have no concept of the fact that legal means "new so not yet banned" and that easily available does not mean safe. It only takes a couple of friends of friends to develop a dynamic your son will not be able to control.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 08/01/2015 10:04

In our case they got so drunk f their heads that it was a major home insurance job and we had problems finding insurance cover for a few years.

chocoluvva · 08/01/2015 10:07

I wouldn't go out. Not while they're only 15 - they're legally still children and there's a high chance they'll bring alcohol, as others have said. (I live in a naice area but there's alcohol at parties from around the age of 14) Therefore IMO it's irresponsible to go out and leave them. I didn't let mine go to unsupervised parties at this age and I wouldn't really want to think a parent was happy to leave my DC to their own devices. Your children might be sensible, but you've no idea what other people's children will do.

There's plenty of time for her to go through the rite of passage of hosting a party when she's older.

I had to take an extremely drunk friend of DD's home after being at a party for only two hours - she was 17 and they'd been necking shots. The parents had gone out for a meal and arrived back to her and another lad throwing up everywhere. I thought DD's friend might have to go to hospital. DD claims that they tried to stop her having more than two or three.... The ones with older siblings use their ID to buy booze. Spirits as
often as not.

Maybe your DD isn't planning on having any alcohol at her party - then why is she so keen for you to be out of the house?

Could you compromise and tell her you'll hide upstairs - take the kettle up - and check on them after a couple of hours . But go downstairs sooner.

MrsSquirrel · 08/01/2015 11:39

I agree with the others, don't go out. It's not anything nefarious, but they will behave better knowing there are parents in the house. And yes, there will be booze.

Our recent incident involved someone charging their phone using a dodgy charger that caught fire. There was no major damage as the circuit breaker kicked in, but I was glad to be in the house for that. (Not so glad to have to pay for the electrician fit the replacement socket.)

PeaStalks · 08/01/2015 11:43

Do Not Go Out.
Good thread here

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 08/01/2015 11:49

Haha, there was a similar thread recently and the OP got lots of good advice just like you're getting here.

100s of people answered and rheone thing consistent in every post was..

Do.Not.Go.Out.

You will not regret staying in, however unpopular it makes you.

There are 100 reasons why you may regret going out.

For my 3 I used to spend the early part providing hot food and the latter part
providing puke receptacles! Even when we searched them on entry.

Good luck

ajandjjmum · 08/01/2015 11:58

My DC have had loads of parties, with people staying over and various mistakes being made!

We have always stayed in - normally quietly upstairs, just popping down for a drink or whatever, and committing the cardinal sin of 'talking' to their friends!

In their 20s, their friends still come here, but now we're invited to stay with them and chat/have a drink etc.

People do idiotic things, alcohol is brought (normally by those you'd least expect) and things you'd rather not happen, do.

But I'd rather they made they mistakes while we're around to help them sort it out.

Good luck OP.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 08/01/2015 12:20

PeaStalks that's the one I was thinking of

Even has live updates during the party.

ChillySundays · 08/01/2015 13:53

I will bet money on alcohol being brought. Definitely stay in the house.

ChillySundays · 08/01/2015 13:54

One party my DD went to when she was younger - the mum warned them all that parents would be called at the first sign of drunkeness

circular · 09/01/2015 09:18

Agree with those that say parents stay home, either upstairs or somewhere else out of the way.

DD1 17, with lots of friends turning 18. Most seem to be having small house parties with only their closed friendship group, so 15 to 20 max. Only goes on closed group chat on FB.
They are all quite sensible and fairly well behaved, eat pizza, play games, drink a bit. Recently, one girl that wasnt used to it had too much to drink, so 2 others kept watch over her while a third called her parents to collect her. The parents of the next party coming up have said 'no spirits' as too many were throwing up last year - and that's an 18th!
Even at that age, the parents are staying in, but scarce, and I intend to do the same when DDs turn comes. Don't think parents have had to step in yet, but DD tells me quite common to get warned at the door on entry that they will be thrown out if they misbehave.

pandora987 · 09/01/2015 10:53

It's your house at the end of the day, how would your DC like it if you and your friends had a party in her bedroom and kicked her out for the evening? And then trashed her stuff!
Set some rules about alcohol, noise, behaviour before to your DD (so she can tell her friends how its going to be) and as they arrive, I would make sure to answer the door to them and then you can:
a) check for crates of beer,
b) make sure they're not gatecrashers.

Then maybe cook them something then stay out of the way, ready to rush down if there is screaming, smoke, sounds of being sick / fighting /sex etc !! Better your DD is a bit embarrassed by your presence than having to deal with a house full of drunken teenagers trashing everything..
Good luck !

dexter73 · 09/01/2015 19:05

I'm am loving that you are worried about crumbs being spilt at a teenage party! If only that was the worst of it! I posted on the link above about the party my dd had at the same age and only 15 people were coming. . .

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 09/01/2015 22:26

I think OP has gone for a lie down

DramaAlpaca · 09/01/2015 22:29

Veteran of teenage parties here:

DO NOT GO OUT!!!!

Musicaltheatremum · 10/01/2015 14:26

Teenage school rowing parties here. Never went out. Especially the 5' cox who thought she could drink as much as the 6' rowers.

mygrandchildrenrock · 10/01/2015 15:08

I remember one of my dc's 16th birthday party, hoards of teens at home and one young lady spent the entire time on the stairs/front door step crying her eyes out. Every now and then I went to see her, take tissues, and asked if she was alright, did she want to go home etc.
At the end of the night, still crying, she hugged me, thanked me and told me it had been the best party ever!
I still puzzle over that and those 16 yr olds will be 40 next birthday.
Do not go out!!

Original poster

ILoveGreekCats · 11/01/2015 09:55

Party was a success! We went out for a couple of hours. It was quite noisy, we could hear the music from outside but we'd warned the neighbours. When we came back they were watching music videos on YouTube and having a sing-along! The worst problem really was the crisp crumbs all over. No one was drunk, nothing broken, loads of food untouched. They all left soon after we arrived.Thank goodness that's over!!

OP posts:

chocoluvva · 11/01/2015 10:18

What lovely kids - sounds like you know them better than we do - glad it was a success.

Original poster

ILoveGreekCats · 11/01/2015 14:09

Thanks choccaluvva . Of course this is no guarantee that future parties will be like this!!

OP posts:

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