How do you broach poor eating habits?

[bowbear]

My DD (14) over the last year has developed really bad eating habits and is starting to put on a lot of weight. We have a whole host of other issues going on and she sees a counsellor each week for anger/emotional problems. It has been a really difficult year for her and has pushed us all to the limit and whilst we have had the occasional lift in her mood it is showing no signs of ending anytime soon.

She has started to really binge on sugar/chocolate, sneaking food up to her room, not eating proper meals. I don't keep a lot of treat type foods in the house but whenever she has any money she buys as much junk as she can. If there is nothing in the house she will bake biscuits (usually after everyone has gone to bed) and eat the lot, she has eaten packets of icing, taken food from her Grandma's house etc. With all the other things that she is dealing with at the moment I am wary of how to handle this and help her eat a better diet. I can't persuade her to do any exercise and her teeth look dreadful as she won't brush them regularly.

I love my dd with all my heart and to see her with such low self esteem is devastating - She just doesn't seem to care what happens to her and I just know that putting on weight is only going to make her feel worse.

Sorry for the long post but any words of wisdom would be gratefully received x

It looks as if the eating issues are all part of the anger/emotional problems.

Can you speak to her counsellor and let her know that her problems are now effecting her eating and diet. I would see the problem as a whole.

This must be so worrying for you. All the advise I can give is to stay close, let her know she is loved. She can loose weight at a later date, just concentrate on the emotional and mental health.

Thanks so much for your advice. It is just so hard - she completely shuts down, won't talk to me at all and it is heartbreaking as her mum. I am finding her so hard to cope with and cannot imagine how we are all going to get through this as a family. Her room is trashed, she has banged holes in the walls, slashed her mattress, written on her walls. The whole room stinks of sweaty clothes and festering god knows what! We have just had about three weeks where she was almost her old self and now we seem to be back to square one, I think i fooled myself that everything was going to be alright and the last few days have been a stark reminder that they are anything but.

I will speak to her counsellor about this issue but I think you are right, we need to address the bigger issues before this one. Deep breath and keep going ....

Just keep going, you will get through this. Having been an awful teen myself, whose mother said she thought she would never love me again, it does pass.

When my DS was being a nightmare, I tried to make sure I said something nice to him every day. So easy just to concentrate on the negative, washing, room, home work etc. Try telling her that her hair looks nice, she is kind, funny, something....hard I know, but it does help keep them close.

Finding positives is so important, hard as it is some days I will try to focus on that for now. I just want to support her through this, no matter how hard she makes it for me.

I know teenagers can be a challenge I just never ever imagined that we would be in this situation. There are so many posts on MN from families struggling with their teenage DC, so many emotional problems, self harm, depression - It is such a tough society to grow up in these days.