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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

I want to cry

25 replies

Fooso · 26/12/2014 11:09

have had a lovely Xmas with my dp and dsds. my son is 15 and I love him so, but he just doesn't seem to participate in our family. my dp, not his dad, does find it difficult and I can't change it. will this pass? he is not depressed he is happy but it's like I feel like I do t have a child in the house sometimes! He's gone off to his dads today and it's almost a relief and that makes me sad

OP posts:

UncrushedParsley · 26/12/2014 11:12

I think it might be partly an age-thing. Mine spends a lot of time in her room...emerges to go out, and have the odd shower, and for food! She is 17 and is getting slightly better...

AskMeAnother · 26/12/2014 11:14

He is a child! They get tall and sassy but they're still children at that age, at least some of the time. I don't have sons, but my understanding is that they are sulky, unco-operative and a pain in the backside at that age, so yours sounds quite normal. Where can he be a pain if not at home?

What do I know, my child is female and she's properly grown up, 32 now?
But unless there's a lot more to this than you've said, I think the way forward is to keep loving him and let him grow out of it.

Sparklingbrook · 26/12/2014 11:20

I have a 15 year old DS and he is mainly found in his room. He did join us as a family yesterday, and had a bit of a strop about something and nothing for half an hour.

I am not sure when he last had a shower so am working myself up to gently suggest one......

ssd · 26/12/2014 13:42

ds1 seems to live in his room

I miss him, but let him be.

Orangeanddemons · 26/12/2014 13:49

I thought this is what teenagers do. All ours did, and are now delightful adults. Isn't adolescence about separating from your parents?

ssd · 26/12/2014 14:00

yes but orange, you've came out the other side....hindsight and all that....

Orangeanddemons · 26/12/2014 14:49

Well possibly, but not sure it's hindsight. I just let them do what they had to do, BUT they do come out at the other end. And the whole purpose of adolescence is to become separate from parents, so they are just trialling becoming independent. Don't think it was hindsight..

Sparklingbrook · 26/12/2014 14:55

As PSN is down i have seen loads of DS1 today. He is cluttering up the living room.

SwedishEdith · 26/12/2014 15:07

Didn't everyone spend all their time in their room as a teenager? I know my mum thought there was something "wrong" with me and I might be depressed. (She told me when I was an adult) I wasn't, I just loved being on my own.

FannyFanakapan · 26/12/2014 15:14

My ds, 15, left his Facebook on my PC...and I was bombarded with messenger pop ups that I was a c*nt because I didn't buy him an iPhone, that all his presents were crap and that we expected him to be grateful for the crap he got... Nice. Its a 15 year old thing but it doesn't make it easier to deal with and its hard to not take it personally.

Sparklingbrook · 26/12/2014 15:16

Blimey Fanny I would not be happy with that.

BackforGood · 26/12/2014 16:21

Sounds pretty normal for teens - they need their own space and aren't usually into too much forced jolity in the main living space together. It's a phase.

constantlyconfused · 26/12/2014 16:25

DD 14 has spent the last year in her room. She comes out to eat and wash that is it.She is chatty occasionally but prefers gossiping with her friends.Its normal but takes some adjusting to as previously DD was glued to me 24/7 . I managed to keep her out of her room for about six hours yesterday result!

kilmuir · 26/12/2014 16:34

Fanny, i would be having words

FannyFanakapan · 26/12/2014 16:36

Words were had, believe me, and an apology given.

ssd · 26/12/2014 19:13

good!

with ds unable to be online on his ps4, tha house is unusually quiet tonight

demoska1 · 26/12/2014 19:31

Mega frustrated here too...my 17 yr old ds wanted to watch a film with us...great idea...he sat with his phone, texting/facebook etc...got silly with his uncle and said he hears me and his sd giggling while we climb the stairs to bed then hears bang bang bang from the bedroom...I could have knocked his block off!!! Told him off now he's sulking in his room while we are watching some rubbish teen movie. Happy christmas!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 26/12/2014 19:48

Not seeing a problem here unless there is a massive bunch of stuff you are not telling us

Heyho111 · 27/12/2014 08:28

A boys brain at this age is making them become independant. The way the brain does this is to make them want to not be around their parents, to feel embarrassed by them and to feel even hatred towards them. All teens go through this so to more degree than others.
Boys hate talking so the way they deal with their feelings is to be on their own. This is normal. Not wanting to join in with famy stuff but will be daft or join in with other adults. Tutting eye rolling when your having fun. Sulky. Etc etc. very normal. Ignore. It's not you. It's not even him choosing to be like this. It's his brain developing. Keep that in mind and it helps you not to take it personally.

purpleroses · 27/12/2014 08:40

15 year old boys are often like that. Try not to feel guilty that you've been enjoying the company of your DP and DSDs without him. I doubt it would be any easier if they weren't around.

I take my DCs or for dinner at our local pub once in a while if I start to feel I've not really spoken to DS (15) in a while. I go in the week with or without DH (also not DS's dad) but without DSC, to give me a bit of a chance to talk to DS properly.

Travelledtheworld · 27/12/2014 11:18

Fooso it will pass but it may take a couple of years.......
Took mine to the USA for Christmas to see their Dad, even then they wanted to spend all the time in their rooms on Social Media and a trip to NYC was deemed to be "Lame".

dorasee · 27/12/2014 11:25

I like what orange says. I don't mind the lurking in the room thing at all. It can't be all fun and games hanging out with dad and me all the time. I remember in my teens just loving being in my room listening to music,music, music, daydreaming about what I wanted to be, or a crush I had. It's a really creative time for kids. It's also the beginning of the spreading of the wings, the preparation for an emotional flee from the nest.
I remember not allowing my mum to collect me in front of anyone! She would have to park in some obscure spot and wait for me to find her. There was no way I was going to be seen with her. Now she lives with us practically. She is a massive part of our lives and has been since my 20s. As the nursery rhyme goes, "Leave them alone and they'll come home, wagging their tales behind them." Admittedly, I'm at the onset of dealing with a teenage DS, so watch this space. I'll be in floods of tears myself at some point.

gamerchick · 27/12/2014 11:43

15 is a trying age. I remember being trying myself.

My 15 yr old has done a fair bit of sulking because he usually gets a fair bit of money for Christmas but this year was instructions for gift cards instead. He's really trying his best to get back into my good books so it hasn't been too horrendous.

He has a clear choice to make about whether he wants to carry on getting stoned with his pals or not because I ain't financing it.

Original poster

Fooso · 27/12/2014 12:33

thank you for all your replies. You've made me feel much better. I'm not going to force him to take part just be there when he wants to!

OP posts:

ssd · 27/12/2014 21:24

thats the best way, op, but it isnt easy! Ds spends so much time in his room I find myself staring at him when he's down here, he seems to be growing and changing so much now, he looks different every time! I try not to get caught looking or I get the WHAT IS IT?....he never talks about his emotions and much as I'd like him to, I dont enquire too much...I wonder if girls talk more...I'm looking forward to the day he comes out of his room and starts mixing with us again, but by then ds2 will be in his all the time!!

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