DS (year 7) in a close relationship with year 11 girl

[norightanswer]

My DS has got very close to a girl in year 11. He is a sociable and bright boy and really doesn't see a problem with this relationship, although my DD (aged 14) thinks it is really strange. They hang out at school and have also met up in town and are constantly chatting online. My DH also thinks that it is odd for a girl of that age to be interested in a friendship with a 12 year old. Am I thinking into this too much?

Have the got a particular interest in common? Mine craft or something?

Get him to invite her round, you need to get to know her.

Maybe she's comfortable with your DS because his age makes him feel unthreatening ? Could be something or nothing but you won't know until you get to meet her.

Thank you. I think it would be a good idea to meet her, especially if they want to meet up over the Xmas holidays.

Have to say I think it's odd for a year 11 to want to be friends with a year 7. Not sure why it makes me uncomfortable, it just does.

I know GotTo, I agree. I think he is flattered, but not sure what is in it for her. Will suggest that we meet her.

Not every Y11 girl is super-mature and confident. My DSD is Y10 and I could easily imagine her getting on very well with a 11 or 12 year old boy - she gets on well with my DD (11). She's a lovely girl but just very young for her age - happy fancying pop stars, etc and joking about who's "hot" but I don't think would know what to do with a real BF her own age. So that's one possible explanation. Don't know your DS obviously, but if he's a chatty, sociable or deep-thinking kind of boy he may find an older girl more interesting to talk to than boys his own age.

Yes good idea to invite her round - you'd get a much better sense of how they connect that way.

Thank you purpleroses. DS is very outgoing and confident around girls, he gets on really well with his DD's friends and I think that's why he doesn't see this girl as anything other than good fun to be around. Will see what happens over the holidays

• My DD's friends!!

Sounds like your son is very confident around older girls due to his sister and her friends. When I was in Y10, one of my two best friends was a boy in Y7 (a year older than my brother). We got along because we were into the rock scene and both fairly socially clueless but intellectually mature, IYSWIM. We used to tell people we were cousins to get less stick at school, and funnily enough now think of each other that way.

We're still good buddies at 21 1/2 and 19. He was around for the tough times I went through, and I him. Both of my boyfriends have been people between our ages who I met through him - so, if that's a concern of yours, I did veer younger in dating (as with friendships) because I was emotionally immature, but the friend in question was not one of them whether he liked it or not! We began having the whole older-teen social life at the same time (me 18, him 15 1/2) and his parents told me they were really glad there was someone to keep an eye on him. It can be surprising how much teens of different ages can go through together.

I would say it's likely nothing to worry about and could be a friendship for life, but keep an eye out and try to get to know her if possible. I'm willing to bet it's a shared interest or social/emotional/academic similarity which your son would possibly struggle to describe if he's even aware of it. Here's hoping.

My DS (now year 8) is very good friends with lots of older girls. They talk about books and other interests that they have in common. His closest friend is also keen on writing so they share their work with each other. I believe she is gay so definitely nothing romantic or sexual going on.

I was (and am) very close to my brother, who is a couple of years younger than me, but we talked as equals. If your son has an older sister and maybe his friend has a younger brother then I daresay they'd not see anything odd in the age gap.

Thank you depechNo and Friendly. I had a chat with DS on Friday evening and he said that they just click. He said that he sometimes gets fed up with his normal mates trying too hard and that she is fun to be with and doesn't pretend to be anything she's not (which I guess comes with age). He did arrange to go out with his mates yesterday, so I am happy that he is still socialising with his own age. I did also meet her briefly when she walked my DS some home after school on Friday, she seemed very polite. You've both helped a lot, thank you.

I had a good friend at school who was a boy three years younger. There was nothing dodgy, and now we are adults I'm more friends with his wife, just because I guess that's the way things go sometimes.
We shared an interest, I grew out of it but he is still very into it and has mainly friends with that same hobby still. Nice guy though, I've always felt like a big sister ish when I think of him!

I don't think people have to only be friends with people exactly the same age, I think I was used to playing with a gang full of different ages out in the fields where I grew up, so I didn't find it that strange to be friends with someone a few years younger or older when I was a teenager.

Thank you Crispy. You are right, I think it is down to interests and not age. Perhaps she feels like a big sister to him too. That would make sense.

My son is in yr 7 and his best mate is in yr 10. Admittedly, they are both male but they love hanging out despite the 3.5 year age gap. Would I feel the same if older friend was a girl? Not so sure. I would definitely want to meet her and get to know her. To be honest though, if she's anything like I was at that age, by next year I.e year 12, she'll be boy mad and probably have a boyfriend of her own age. She will be on the scene less and less.