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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Two daughters, what a nightmare

12 replies

tolly · 16/04/2004 14:47

I have a 16yr old (J) and a 12yr old (B). The younger one idolises her sister and tried to copy everything she does. I can cope with a lot of the stuff, but B also wants to wear the same clothes as J. Now J is tall, well built, in fact she's quite buxom and it looks like B might be going that way too. They take after me for their busts I 'm afraid. But it's not the top half that concerns me, it's the things they call skirts these days.
There is absolutely no way I will let B out in some of the strips of material she has bought with her pocket money and savings. We have dreadful rows and I have marched her back to the stores to change various items, obviously to her embarrassment as I insist she comes with me.
What do others do in this situation? The atmosphere gets quite tense over this alone never mind all the other things like thongs and magazines.

OP posts:

grumpyzebra · 17/04/2004 06:07

I dunno, Tolly, did you let the 16yo wear skirts like that when she was 12? Not sure if that's the right way to deal with it, but thought I'd bumpy this up for you, at least!

Original poster

tolly · 17/04/2004 13:43

No, J didn't wear minis that short when 12. She never went for them, much preferring jeans and just the occasional skirt which was usually knee length. She was quite strict about her school uniform too and didn't care for other girls who abused skirt lengths and other things.

OP posts:

Flip · 17/04/2004 14:23

Didn't want you slipping off the active convesations. I'm afraid I've got boys but I remember my sister being very much into the short skirts from a young age and my mother have no end of arguments with her. My mum says now that it was just a thing she had to go through and looking back she'd probably not have flown off the handle so many times.

However I'm afraid I'm one of those people that tut when I see a young girl flaunting everything. My niece is fourteen and quite a shapely girl. She wears the smalled top she can find and half cup bra's which barely cover he nipples. Her mother has no problem with it but if she were my daughter she wouldn't leave the house like that.

I was still climbing tress at fifteen so my mum didn't have my problems with me.

Original poster

tolly · 18/04/2004 12:22

Exactly! I just can't allow her to go out in the gear she chooses. J does and looks great and has a host of boys following her around and at her age I can't do much about it, but she sure causes me problems with B. Trouble is I feel I can't hold J back just because of B's attitude.
They are both are active, when you mention climbing trees, not quite that, but tennis, badminton and gym stuff appeals to both of them thank goodness.

OP posts:

BadHair · 18/04/2004 12:47

Could you ask J to have a word with B over it? Would make the older one feel like she's mature enough to help you out, and the younger one might just listen to her.
No experience of teenage girls myself though, so this is probably a really cr*p idea.

Original poster

tolly · 19/04/2004 11:43

J does talk to her about the rows as such but not at my request, she just does, being quite level headed - well, they both are but B want's to grow up so quickly.

OP posts:

Original poster

tolly · 21/04/2004 13:53

There was a hell of a row between them last night when B blatantly sat very provocatively in front of J's 18yr old new BF. I think it started when B said she knew something about him and wouldn't tell. That was before he arrived to take her out and the atmosphere was dreadful. B was probably trying to help J as she thinks the world shines from her bottom, but it all went wrong for them both. I tried to get B to spill the goss on him afterwards, having an interest so to speak, but she clammed up.

OP posts:

soyabean · 21/04/2004 22:01

My daughter is not that age yet but like the others I dont like it when teeneager threads slip off the active conversations list...I dont know what I would do, to be honest, but I do agree that there is a big difference between 12 and 16. My ds is 12 and has some older friends and a few ideas about things he should be able to do, but luckily so far has accepted our reasons why not.
Sorry, no help, but maybe someone else will join in!

tammybear · 21/04/2004 23:33

Hi, Im still young myself, so Im just talking through experiences from me, my sis and my mum. I remember a couple of years back my mum was saying that my sis was copying me, and everytime she had a go at her about it, my sis would just respond back saying "but clare (thats me) did it". So we resolved it by me trying to talk to my sis. Problem is we're not that close, so if ur dds are close it would be more helpful if dd1 spoke to dd2. Like if dd1 explained that it would probably be best for dd2 to wait til she's older to wear clothes like that.

Also, I found that my sis wanted to grow up quicker than she was. People always thought she was the older one, cos I enjoyed my teenage years, and quite frankly didnt want to step into the years that I am in now! I think the only thing you can do is try to explain to dd2 that she should try not to rush growing up, as she'll be wishing she was younger when she's older.

And I know what you mean about the skirts. Im not one to show off all that I got, but when I try to find a short skirt to buy, Im looking for something with some material to it, not a belt!

ColchesterMum · 10/05/2004 10:02

I have twin d's of eleven and we are hitting hormonal levels. It has just recently started with mood swings etc...just starting with little spots on the forehead. For their birthdays they wanted phones! Very particular with the request, and not any old phone.

They are very close with each other generaly but, just recently you could light the match with the tension they exclude. My poor dh is patient and waiting for it all to pass but as we have two older siblings, now left home, this is just the teenage beginning.

Anyone else had twins with attitude? One is quite tomboyish and the other would like to be in short everything...ahhh, I remember the days when they would wear anything I put out.

They are already planning the next party sleepover it was 3.30am before they fell asleep and everyone was up at 7.15! But, we all love them no matter what.

spacemonkey · 10/05/2004 10:05

Hello colchestermum ... does your name mean you're in colchester? i ask because i am too!

my daughter was 13 on friday and yesterday she put on a stunning display of teenage awfulness, culminating in a screaming hissy fit down the phone to her father at 9 o'clock last night ... GRRRRR

am bracing myself for a bumpy ride for the next 4 or so years ...

Nannymum · 12/05/2004 19:17

Hi, our twin daughters are now 25 but they too loved mini skirts in their teens.We had a rule that they could wear what they liked indoors but we had to approve of anything outside.We only found out many years later that they kept a supply of 'cool' clothes in the garage for quick changes! Needless to say our 15 yr old can't get away with that.

Flip