Struggling :(

[cleo14]

Ds 14 appears to have had a personality transplant in the last 2 months! Noted a major change in his physical appearance and now he's a completely different person. Been suspicious that he's been experimenting with alcohol and smoking but the last 3 weekends have been hell- he's out with friends, won't answer texts and is now a compulsive liar. School also phoned last week to say he had truanted (never done this before). I'm really struggling now, have taken everything away so nothing left to use as consequences. When I talk to him he says he's sorry and I actually feel really sorry for him as I believe the pressure of teenage life nowadays is massive. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi. He has hit adolescence with bells on. That's not down to him or parenting but how his hormones affect him. I'm not excusing his behaviour but he won't have control over his feelings. People will say that he must control it but it's not as simple as that. That's a bit like telling someone with depression to pull themselves together.
Sanctions don't work in many cases ! They just make the teen push more and feel more hatred. Screeming has the same effect.
Tbh letting him grump, be a slob etc works the best. Then there is no arguing and perhaps he will talk. You need to leave it a few days then either have a chat or write him a letter. Giving him a letter takes out the emotion, let's them think about what you've written and works well. Say you love him, you're worried and state why you're worried.
Lying is part of adolescence too. But you need to have a good old chat to try to find out if drugs are involved.
My son reacted very badly to being sanctioned and lectured too. It made him worse. When nothing was said about any of his behaviour the atmosphere got better and we could talk.
There's a book called. Get out my life but first take me and Alex to town. It's brilliant. Please give it a read.

Thank you heyho, I'm half way through the book and it's fab!