First b/f, annoying younger sibling

[circular]

DD1 17, first proper b/f, same age, been going on for about a month but known each other other longer. Looks like being a longish term thing. Seems to be a great influence, even if her head is all over the place. Both fairly sensible and know school work has to come first.

She has said she is getting fed up of DD2 (12) not giving them any privacy.

Even when both DH I are home when they are there, find it difficult to stop DD2 bursting in on them.
If I offer her a lock for her bedroom door, am I giving her a green light to get up to more than they otherwise would?
She hasn't asked to lock the door, just wants us to keep DD2 out of the way. Also has issues with DD2 'borrowing' her things, but wouldn't like her locking her room when she went out.

Aaaah... a younger sibling... excellent contraception! What consequences are there for DD2 if she barges in without knocking first?

Sorry, perhaps I'm confused but have you not reprehended the 12 year old. Or at least told them to keep out?

Surely she should be encouraged to listen to your rules rather than stick a lock on a door. Probably simplifying this though as I don't have children this age...

DD2 been told several times. Main consequence is confiscating IPad for a day, but starts again when she gets it back.
Yes, she has been told to keep out. Says she will, but DD1 doesn't trust her. Last time a group of friends in her room, she went in 3 times in the space of an hour. Admittedly called out first, but still went in when asked not to. And the one time they said OK to come in, refused to leave when she asked her to.

I would be reading the riot act to 12 year old who I'd deliberately winding up big sister and behaving like a six year old.
Heavier punishment.

My brother had a lock on his bedroom door to keep my NAN out! It was a weird one though - not a proper key, sort of a stick with grooves in, and could be locked from both sides. My parents had a key so they could always get in.

Might be better than a normal lock.

Do they do chores? Maybe when DD2 doesn't follow the rule she must take over some of DD1's chores. Clearly Ipad deprivation for one day is not enough, make it longer and restrict how much time she is allowed to spend on it when she gets back. Make her use it in a public area of the house - if she's not mature enough to respect her sister's privacy then she is not mature enough to have unsupervised use of an Ipad.

Goidboy is there a name for that kind if lock - difficult to visualise.

No set chores except trying to get them to clear up their own mess.

DD2 usually very mature in most ways. Not sure if she is being deliberately annoying or feeling left out or a bit of both.

I think DD2 is struggling with DD1 moving out of childhood and becoming an adult. By barging in she is re-establishing the previous dynamic they had when DD1 was younger ie childish bickering/door slamming etc.

That said, she is behaving badly and should have consequences if this behaviour continues.

Hi, sorry.

I've looked on the Screwfix website and they have one very similar called Yale Door Security Bolts, but they can only be opened from one side. I have no idea how to link on this iPad.

The picture is very similar though and might be a starting point.

Dd2 just needs to learn to respect her older sister's privacy a bit more I think. It could be a long process :)

How much privacy do you allow them?

My Dd1's boyfriend isn't allowed in her bedroom (they're only 15; I haven't even had to enforce this rule myself, they just assumed it to be the case - the fact she's a total slob and her room is a pigsty helps I suspect). Anyway, I can see all this ahead of me..

DrElizabeth Good point, especially interesting as DD1 has mellowed since the boyfriend thing started. Even helps DD2 with her maths homework voluntarily. And is keeping her room much tidier - floored robe non existent now.
Although not wanting DD2 in her room is not a new thing, they've never done very much girlie stuff together, age gap (6 school years) too big.

AlfAlf I don't see the point of trying to lay the law down about privacy at that age, would with a 15 year old though. Had the be sensible, don't be forced into anything etc conversation.
Having said that, the main times they've been in her room together is when there has been a group of them. There's a separate room downstairs that is mainly used for music practise they often go in, but some of DD2s instruments in there too (although she no longer plays them) so can hardly keep her out.

I agree with others - I wouldn't be giving elder dd a lock on her door, but I'd be working on dd2's manners, tbh.
You'll know better if that's by distracting her yourself, or by punishing her for not following rules.