Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

How do you get your teen out of bed in the mornings?

81 replies

18yearstooold · 16/10/2014 08:19

My daughter is terrible at getting out of bed

I need to go in at least 5/6 times

If I leave it up to her she just won't get up so 'let her be late' is not going to help here -she doesn't care

Options?

OP posts:

Hullygully · 16/10/2014 10:40

And she "doesn't care" because she doesn't have to all the while you are responsible for getting her up...

Maryz · 16/10/2014 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Claybury · 16/10/2014 10:46

OP- she obviously does care about being on time from what you say.
I recommend tonight you say to her the current system isn't working as it is stressful for you. Her getting to school is not your responsibility. So she must set her alarm and get herself up. Don't get involved at all - all I do for DD is sometimes make a cup of tea and leave in the kitchen. She was late once years ago and got a detention. Never again has she been late. She need to learn time keeping.
Not all teens are the same, I realise this won't work for someone who doesn't want to get to school on time.
For some reason this is not an issue in my house. I walk the dog when I come home they are gone leaving a hideous mess in the kitchen

ZuluBob · 16/10/2014 10:48

I'd leave her to it it and let her suffer the consequences - slightly depends what age she is but presuming she is old enough then it really shouldn't be your problem.

Alternatively, how about some loud Barry Manilow - or something equally offensive.

GreenMouse · 16/10/2014 11:18

I also think you should leave her to it and suffer the consequences.

We used to have the same problem as you with my DD. I hated having to start the day on such a bad note. Then I decided I wouldn't wake her up anymore, I'd leave her to it. I told her it was now her responsibility to get herself up and at school on time. At first she got a few detentions for being late, but it's all settled down now and she manages to get to school on time most days (although sometimes it's a close shave!)

When she is an adult living independently you won't be there to wake her up, so she'll have to learn to get herself up on time at some point. I think it's much better to do that when the consequence is to get a detention rather than losing a job.

MissScatterbrain · 16/10/2014 11:24

Leave her to it. She will learn.

Quenna · 16/10/2014 12:42

We had this. We did reminding, nagging, shouting etc but all made it horrible atmosphere in the mornings which I couldn't bear. We did better (not brilliant) but better with cooked breakfast as a reward for being ready on time. And not paying any attention also worked reasonably well...one wake up call and cup of tea brought up, then left to it. Totally agree that a few late marks at school,and detentions etc, also are required for some to get the message.

Sylviet · 16/10/2014 12:50

I agree, let her start to be self responsible in the mornings.

Explain you feel stressed at taking responsibility for something that you actually have no control over, ie her getting out of bed, and that you realise you can't take responsibility for something that is actually HER responsibility, so you are going to back off.

She can use her MP3 player as an alarm clock and take the consequences of her actions or inactions.

It's a stepping stone to a new degree of maturity, this one.

skylark2 · 16/10/2014 13:05

I'm responsible for the alarm and waking DS up - once.

Everything else is his job. If he misses the bus he is late and there are consequences at school.

I'd suggest you talk to her. Tell her you hate having to spend your mornings in this unpleasant way. Ask what time she wants to be woken up (if you are going in multiple times before she gets up and she's catching the bus okay, there's no need for her to be woken up as early as she is now) and be clear that you are simply not going to carry on treating her like a five year old who can't be responsible for anything.

myotherusernameisbetter · 16/10/2014 13:08

At the moment all I do is say it's time to get up, open their bedroom doors and switch the hall light on. Occasionally I have to give an extra shout up the stairs.

They have no responsibility for getting themselves up and as i take them to school, no responsibility for that either......yet the still get up.....so far.

So, I'm not probably not in the best position to advise, but when i was a teen I had to get myself up and out for the bus with no support, my mum started early in the mornings and my Dad did night shift and usually just got in as I was leaving - I had a brother at home but he did late shifts so didn't get home until the early hours so would be in bed sleeping. I once was late and missed the bus and had to run 5 miles to get to school for an exam. i wasn't ever late again. So maybe making her soley responsible by just getting her an alarm and not being in yourself is the way to go? I'm thinking on the back of this that I maybe need to start getting my two to take responsibilty for getting themselves up too in case things get worse as they get older.

CannotGuaranteeNitFree · 16/10/2014 13:12

I must be a softy because when my alarm goes off (6.45) I usually find a good song on youtube and put it on and take it in to DD (almost 13).

It's amazing that a child who screams in pain if I put the light on when her eyes aren't used to it is quite capable of looking at a phone or tablet screen. I can then turn the light on 5 mins later and the mornings are much more bearable. I do then have to go back and remove the tablet (it's mine) before she goes on to Instagram or games.

Favourite songs in this house:

Manic Monday
Friday I'm In Love
Good Morning from Singin in the Rain (this is particularly effective if I tap dance round her room in my underwear!)
The Duck Song - downside - you'll be singing it all day!

bigTillyMint · 16/10/2014 13:17

Agree with Hully - this is the only way to effect change in our house.
DS has been in trouble with school for repeatedly arriving a couple of minutes late. He is currently getting up in time after a long chat with DH and I about why he has to leave enough time to get ready and how stressful I find it trying to get him out of bed when he just won't get up.

I think loft-beds are part of the problem in getting teens up. DD is much better now she is in a normal small double. Can you get her a normal bed?

Asteria · 16/10/2014 14:12

Good lord - I was joking about the bucket if water!!! I'm not a monster!
DS had a really annoying rocket alarm that flew off across the room and needed to be retrieved and put back on its stand before it would stop - until FIL changed the batteries and broke it. You can get alarms that need to be caught - or just put it on the other side of the room so she needs to get out of bed.

MykleeneArse · 16/10/2014 17:18

Take her mobile phone. Tell her she can have it as she leaves the house if she gets up after you have called her once. Stick to it.

EvilRingahBitch · 16/10/2014 17:27

This is all really good advice. I'm struggling with my 12 year ATM - we have ghastly standoffs in the morning when neither of us are at our best. What age do people recommend taking a less hands-on approach?

The upside of loft beds is that if the alarm is on the other side of the room you're less likely to fall back into bed once you've got up to turn it off.

LadySybilLikesCake · 16/10/2014 17:31

Mine's not too bad, it's getting into bed and off to sleep at a decent time which is the problem

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 16/10/2014 17:32

Evil could you approach it from the opposite end of the day?

"DD/DS as you were so clearly struggling to get up.this morning, then you mustnt be having enough sleep, so you will go to bed 30mins earlier tonight. That will stand for every day that you cant get out of bed on time"?

LadySybilLikesCake · 16/10/2014 17:36

Might help for you to wake her up with a hot drink and some food?

Roseformeplease · 16/10/2014 17:38

We have a very simple rule - up and ready by 8 to help with breakfast. If they are not up by 8 then they go to bed at 8 that night - lights out, no computers, phones or anything. Works a treat and is immediate and clear. After all, if they can't get up, they must be tired. We wake them once and they have their own alarms.

DrSeuss · 16/10/2014 17:42

On school trips as well as in my own home, I have given it the full saucepan and wooden spoon. With my own son, I channel the dear departed Robin Williams and yell, "Good morning placewherewelive!". While using the pan and spoon. Sometimes I run away with the duvet.

I am very mean but very effective!

secretsquirrels · 16/10/2014 17:58

I haven't got them up since they were about 13.
They set alarm, get up and catch college bus at 730am while I stay in bed

2kidsintow · 16/10/2014 18:02

I got my dd an alarm clock and she has to set that. I switch her big light on when I go in to wake her up and switch her radio on too.

TypinginGloves · 16/10/2014 18:11

Have you tried music, 18years? With my DD, she has an alarm clock which goes off every five minutes for the first fifteen minutes or so, but she can turn that off in her sleep. Then I go in, open curtains or put on light in winter, and I also put a CD in - that keeps her awake better AND starts her day off in a better mood. Anything to prevent the 'falling back to sleep' bit so nothing too soothing!

TypinginGloves · 16/10/2014 18:14

Just realised I hadn't read page 2 and CannotGuarantee has also suggested music. 'Good Morning' works for us too but I haven't tried tap dancing ... The new Dolly Parton CD is going down quite well just now though!

Springcleanish · 16/10/2014 18:15

Encouraged DS to get a paper round. The lure of the wage packet gets him up six mornings a week, and on Sundays he can stay in bed if he wants.

Flip

1 2 3 4