17-yr old gaming addict

[hankthered]

We have a bright, healthy, 17 year old boy, increasingly addicted to on-line gaming, and i am at a loss as to what to do. I have no doubt his college grades are suffering - he did very well indeed at GCSE but AS level results were a huge shock - a C, 2 D's and an E. We are now into A level year (at a 6th form college) and I see my beautiful friendly son becoming more withdrawn, with a decreasing social life. Attempts at discussing this are met with him becoming more withdrawn and distant. He's relatively introverted, as I am, and equally sees my other half and I on computers a huge amount of the time as we work from home. Any advice on this would be very welcome as it's so sad! Thank you.

I wish I had the answer- for us both. Ds 14 has no other interests whatsoever despite my efforts, and is completely addicted. This is an addiction as much as smoking/drinking. To have a social life you have to WANT a social life, but nothing can compete with xbox.

The only thing I can suggest is getting professional help for addiction, which I am now considering.

My neighbour was in this situation with her kids in the run up to GCSE's and A levels last year and she removed all electronics. There was a terrible fuss but after a couple of weeks they thanked her. Eventually both got good grades.

Following. In a very similar situation with my own 17 year old son.

Also following, as my 17 year old son is the same. He would much rather play games than socialise and I don't think he's putting enough effort into school work. During the summer holidays he spent most of his time on the computer. He says he's happy, but I would much prefer him to go out with his friends rather than sit in front of a screen. We are keeping an eye on his grades, and if they start to go downhill we will have to limit screen time.

DS2 was much the same, but when he went to university he became less interested in gaming and more interested in socialising. He doesn't feel the need to game much at all now, so I'm hoping the same will happen to DS3.

Hello OP and worried mothers. I could have been the subject of your post 10 years ago. My PS1/2/3 and PC were my best friends from say 10-18.

I underachieved at GCSE and A-Level. (Got Cs and Ds with no effort when it should have been As and Bs) My parents didn't discourage or limit my gaming, they saw it as what us kids do. My friends were also gamers (from school) we had LAN parties whenever our parents allowed it.

Of my LAN school friends I would say 5/7 now earn above average wage. Two of those are absolute cutting edge in their field and probably take home over £75k aged 28.
At 18 when I started full time work I found a feeling of achievement which previously only games could provide. A feeling which I am sure helped my high achieving friends go as far as they have. Also at 18 I started drinking, going out clubs & pubs, socialising normally and met my wife.

Yet I still spent 2+hours a day playing Warcraft for 5 years until DD was born. Now I can't play such engrossing online games as DD or DW could need me at any moment.

I have more in my life outside of gaming - so I have less time to play.

Sorry OP & PP on sleeping on it I realised I offered no advice!

If you think he will listen to your concerns, enforce a schedule where he can play more than study (so it looks like a good deal)
Where study comes first because;
Otherwise it will be "just.. one.. more.. level.."
His friends will more likely be online later.
Gaming is addictive because of the brains reward system, this way the game is the reward to study.

During study time, turn off your router and take his power cords (then he can't play offline and has to come and ask you for it at the agreed time)

No advice here either.

However, I do find that those who belong to sports clubs and have interests such as Scouts explorers, cadets, gym membership, Duke of Edinburgh etc are far more likely not to get hooked - so for parents with young teens, do everything you can to encourage them to keep up with their outside interests/sports.