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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

dd 15 thinks she's pregnant feel sick!!

88 replies

EverythingHappens4aReason · 07/10/2014 16:47

My dd has just told me she has taken a test and its +ve but her period is only due today how reliable are these so early? She is as stunned as I am. GP booked for Thurs but apart from that I'm lost :-(

OP posts:

Babiecakes11 · 09/10/2014 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInLatteLover · 09/10/2014 23:50

babiecakes11 I wasn't saying that :) Just that a 15 yo can't just say 'it's not an option' without talking it through properly & knowing a) what options she has b) what it will mean to follow through on each of them.

Having a baby at 15 sometimes sounds great when you are 15 (especially when your parents are divorcing, having something of your 'own' to love), but they don't understand the reality of it - they need to. Their decision impacts all of the adults around them.

I'm glad it all worked out for your family.

BertieBotts · 10/10/2014 00:07

I would still go to Brook etc even if she's made up her mind, just for ChippingIn's first two points in her last post. I don't know if I would have made a different decision if I knew what I know now, and I don't know if I would have been happier, but I know now that my decision (that abortion wasn't an option) was based totally on emotion and not thought through at all. Conversely there has been so much about having a child young that I hadn't thought about at all. I know you never know what it's going to be like at any age, but I dismissed all of the patronising stuff that people tend to throw at pregnant teenagers (and I was right to, because it was total rubbish) but didn't actually think about how it would actually change the course of my life in much more frustrating and long lasting ways. Platitudes about how it all works out fine are unhelpful too. Of course it will be fine, either way, but it will be different and it will be difficult, it's just not the same as planning and waiting and preparing for your first child when you're older, and she will lose that, and that will hurt, especially if she's always wanted to have children.

Maybe I would have made the same decision anyway, but I wish that I'd had more information. It's really not a decision you can or should make in two or three days and no research.

smellycandles · 10/10/2014 00:16

I'll respectfully disagree Bertie - you can make the decision in two or three days. You can make it as soon as that line comes up, in a matter of seconds.

I think there can be an awful lot of hand wringing when it comes to terminations. People think they should spend weeks thinking about it, that everyone who's had one agonised for weeks and that there's guilt and worry attached.

Some people really do just want a termination. They don't want an unplanned baby. They want it over and done with ASAP so they can get back to normal life.

However you think and process the decision is right for you. But I hate comments that insinuate terminations are something to agonise over - it doesn't have to be like that at all.

Isabeller · 10/10/2014 00:17

My first thought seeing your thread title was remembering my friend who found herself in the same position as your DD. She was supported massively by her Mum, did well in her exams, carried on doing well academically and everything worked out.

Her eldest DD is now finishing Uni herself.

If this is the path you find yourselves on, it really can be ok xx

NerfHerder · 10/10/2014 00:27

Bertie you don't know me from Adam, but may I just say this in your praise:
I remember when you first came on here, so young, so adrift, in a terrible relationship, so young and vulnerable. I have 'watched' you grow from that unsure young girl into the strong, together amazing woman and mother you are today. Yes, your life could have been very different, but I hope you are proud of who you have become, because you can be justly so.

everythinghappens please take your daughter somewhere where she can be properly informed of all the options open to her. Whatever she chooses, please support her. Good luck.

smellycandles · 10/10/2014 00:30

I read something on teen mums a while ago.
Becoming a teenage parent is likely to have little impact on that person's prospects because people likely to embark on teenage parenthood have fewer prospects anyway. Becoming a young mum doesn't make you poor - being poor makes you more likely to be a young mum.

Of course there are always outliers and some go on to great things academically, and getting a house and a car. Which is great if those things are important to you.

As with everything, no one knows what the future holds. You've just got to hope for the best and plan for the worst.

Best of luck to your DD.

BertieBotts · 10/10/2014 00:41

I was kind of going the other way smellycandles, often it's the gut/emotional decision "I want to keep the baby" and not really rationalising that you're choosing to have a baby, which is a pretty huge thing to decide on in a few seconds after seeing a line on a test, especially if you would never have decided to do so before the situation came up, as it were.

Thank you Nerf.

smellycandles · 10/10/2014 00:43

Ah ok, our different perspectives at work there Bertie.

Corygal · 10/10/2014 00:54

How 15 is she? ie just 15 and childlike and/or nearly 16 with the oomph of Lily Savage?

As you've said, she wants the baby. Have you explained the reality of what will happen - make clear the fact she won't get housing, that the relationship with the father is uncertain, and that life with a toddler attached is a phase most people want to end, not to enter into when they don't need to.

How much support are you prepared to offer - are you going to end up bringing up the baby?

OwlCapone · 10/10/2014 07:15

I can still have my own beliefs and personal reasons...

Yes you can. However, they are irrelevant. Only your DD's opinions count.

...but the not an option was from her not me.

All the possible options (keep, adoption, termination) and the reality of those options need to be presented to her quite bluntly so that she can properly make an informed decision rather than "oooh, cute little baby!". The reality is that, if she is to continue to have "a life", you will be the one bringing up this baby should she choose to have it. Even at 30 when I had my first child, I was not prepared for just how bloody hard it would be.

The boyfriend is also entitled to have his own opinion, even though he does not get to make the decision about what happens. This will affect him too, although obviously not to the same degree.

Good luck.

OwlCapone · 10/10/2014 07:17

you're choosing to have a baby

I think a lot of people forget they are choosing to have a child and that they'll spend the next 18 years or so being responsible for a person :) I don't think I really thought beyond the baby part!

cloudreader · 05/11/2014 00:18

Hi I found myself as a mother in the same situation a few months ago my daughter is17 and is currently in 6th form.Like you I was supportive and was there for my girl. We have been through the mill as a family, school have been a fantastic support to us.Although it was bad no one died it doesn't have to mean end of hopes dreams and aspirations. Tonight my daughter filled in her ucas personal statement and sent it to her referee at school. She still has plans.We no longer feel broken failures and we have quickly discovered who our real friends are.As parents we become the judged in this very quickly I found.Hold your head high ,support your girl keep talking, encourage her to make a plan that is realistic regarding next steps.Most of all keep smiling like I said no one died.

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