Worried about age gap

[Tansy12]

I have just found out that my DD's friend is actually her boyfriend. They were friends before having met through a mutual friend so although he is a bit older I was fine with the friendship especially as she is mature for her age and he is a nice lad. Now I am confused because she is 15, almost 16 and he is 19. I like him and she is sensible but I am so aware that it is illegal if it develops further. She's always maintained they were just friends for this reason. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Nothing illegal about having a bf at that age, and if she's almost 16 then a good chance she will be 16 (or older) by the time the relationship turns to sex - if it does. Not all teenage couples are having sex - but good to talk to your DD about it, and check she knows how to say what she's comfortable with, use contraception, etc.

I don't think that's too big a gap really. My DSD had an 18 year old BF when she was 15, nearly 16. If he seems a nice lad and the same sort of stage as her emotionally then normal enough.

Maybe she said they were friends, because that's what the relationship was at the time, and it's evolved since?
I wouldn't be worried about him being that little bit older, if he's a nice lad. If you knew your dd was in a 'beginning to get serious' relationship with any aged boyfriend, then surely you'd be talking with her about sexual relationships and looking after herself. I think the fact he's 19 wouldn't change anything from if he were 16, if it were my dd (who is 15 too).

Yes, they were friends for about a year before he told her he had feelings for her but that she didn't have to reciprocate. He's very mature and I did suspect that she 'liked' him more than a friend. We have done the sex talk even though I hate to think of my little girl having sex so I hope she would be responsible. He's nearly 20 so when you see 15 and 20 the gap seems very big!

It worries me. That's a big age gap at that age. I'm sure your dd is mature. Its his immaturity to relate to a 15 year old or his desire to want to be with a 15 year old that concerns me. I'm sorry if that sounds hard but he would have left 6th form and completed a year at uni or work and your daughter has just finished her first year of gcse's. Their lives should be poles apart. It concerns me. Why aren't they around people similar ages to themselves doing life age appropriately. Sorry if this sounds hard but I am really laid back but it didn't sit right with me.

You said she is almost 16 and he is not 20 yet. So at the moment it's 15 and 19. not 15 and 20. Girls usually mature earlier than boys. You have said he is nice and. sensible. So I wouldn't worry about it.

I know the age of consent is 16 but isn't there still laws which cover under 18 where one of the couple is over 18? Not sure what I would have done if it had been my daughter.

My dc are quite involved with various hobbies, and therefore commonly mix with people who aren't in the same school years as them. It really, really, really isn't weird at all.

Very often girls are just more emotionally mature than boys, and quite often 'date' someone older than themselves.

Dating does not necessarily have to equal sexual intercourse.
You've said he seems a nice lad, you keep the lines of conversation open with your dd, and see how it pans out.

It would worry me.

There is still quite a gap of 'life experience' and expectation at that age between 'nearly 16' (just done GCSEs or 1 more year to go?) and 'nearly 20' (done 6th form, at uni or working?).

The laws that govern 16 and 17 year olds in terms of age of consent relate to people in a possition of trust Chilly - eg if the 19 year old was her teacher, or youth club leader it would be wrong. I'm assuming he isn't.

When I look at my 15.5 year old DSS he is years and years behind where DSD was at that age. The idea of any girl going out with him is quite unimaginable - It think he'd run a mile if they tried (they don't). But by the time he's 19/20, who knows? He might well be ready to start dating but it wouldn't surprise me if he felt happier with a younger girl. Just as his sister has generally dated boys a couple of year's older.

Purple - I am chuckling at your DS. My DS is almost 16 and is the same. AT the back of my mind is the thought that my DS won't mature by much by 19/20!
Thanks for the clarification on law. Knew I had read something but couldn't remember exactly what it was
I now remember a conversation with my DD19 about age gaps. Her thinking is that if you are Y11 a boyfriend should not be older than Y13.