Ds stealing food

[Chocoholic36]

I hope I have posted on the correct place sorry if I haven't.

My ds is 12.6 he is big built -5ft 7 and a size 9 shoe already. The problem we have is food. He has always been a fussy eater, we had problems when he was little and he has only just started to grow out of it. All he wants to eat is crap.

We don't have much in the house - a few penguin bars in the snack tin, along with dried raisins and apricots, little bags of nuts etc. the fridge is full of fruit, veg sticks, dips etc. there is always a cake in the tin for lunch boxes.

The problem is that unless it's his favourite meals - pizza, korma, pasta (I make it all myself to try and make it healthier) he just picks at it. He then whinges/tantrums that he is hungry. I offer fruit, veg etc but he wants 6 penguin bars!!

I went in the baking cupboard today to make a chocolate cake for a friend and the 4 bars of chocolate is gone! I only bought them 2 days ago. I checked his room and didn't find anything. Ds3 dropped his book down the side of his bed when he went under his bed to get it he found the wrappers. I know it wasn't ds3 who took them as he has a intolerance to chocolate.

I am so upset that he has done this again - he has done it lots of times now. We grounded him, shouted, talked to him and I don't know what to do. He is at school now so doesn't know I have found the wrappers. Dh and I just had a row as he told me not to mention it to him and there is nothing we can do now and that I should hide the chocolate next time - I am a bit why the hell should I??

So really I was after a bit of advice on what you would do? He has breakfast, snack, lunch, after school snack, dinner, pudding and supper. I try to offer healthy versions as he is putting on a bit of weight but I am struggling so much please help.

A lot of children tend to grow outwards before they grow upwards so putting on a bit of weight is not necessarily something to worry about.

Eggs are a good one as well. DS has just made himself a big omelette for lunch, should keep him off the snacks until dinner. (Though maybe not as he is just back from a festival and "catching up").

LadySybil - DS has developed a taste for calamari, salt and pepper specifically! Not that I am complaining, I'm more a savoury than sweet sort of woman.

I've got two teen boys and they eat like bloody horses. I don't know where they put it, tbh. It's constant. In fact DS1 left home last Monday to join the Army, and for the first time in about 6 years I still had milk and yoghurts left on Thursday! I did get a phone all asking for snacks to be sent down though!

I've never withheld food. Its their home as much as it is mine, I buy it to be eaten. They snack on toast with honey, peanut butter or marmite, cereal and porridge, microwave pizzas (occasionally) eggs, fish finger sandwiches, fruit and biscuits, crackers and cakes.

If they don't like the meal I've cooked, they make themselves something else. It's not fair to put something that someone doesn't like in front of them, especially of you know they don't like it. Give him the choice of scrambled eggs or beans on toast if he doesn't like his meal.

Knee - in that case, your experience is very different to the OP's, which is that she has a son who turns down healthy balanced meals and then wants the treats that were bought for everyone

Yes very different.

There is no 'stealing' of food, nor any need to.

I've never withheld food. Its their home as much as it is mine, I buy it to be eaten

It's not fair to put something that someone doesn't like in front of them, especially of you know they don't like it

Absolutely.

Milk, God yes my DSs really put the milk away. None of your semi skimmed nonsense either.

I could have done with a cow in the garden Tinkly!

At 12 I would sit down with him and discuss what meals he does like, what he will try, and teach him how to cook healthy options

Each week get him and siblings to work together to make say a homemade soup and batch of banana muffins. They can then eat soup and bread or the muffins as they like. The next week they can make a different type. This way they learn how to cook, plus see what actually goes in food, ie lots of sugar in one recipe. You and eldest can help with oven/ stove but the younger ones should be able to chop and mix, and read recipe. My eldest is 4 and makes great blueberry muffins already, I just observe and take in and out oven.

I would also discuss what snacks you would prefer him to choose first. Ie if genuinely hungry he can heat some soup and have with roll. After some fruit or veg and cheese. He can have biscuits/ junk occasionally but it shouldn't be his go to snack at every opportunity

Seems like two problems to me. One, he's acting rude and selfish to take food meant for all family members and eat it all himself.
Two, you say he's putting on weight and eating crap. All the posters responding that teens needs loads of carbs and mine ate junk but were skinny as rails... that may not apply if he is gaining weight on his junkfood diet.

I think you can tackle the first problem - it's antisocial to take all the good stuff for yourself and leave others without. I wouldn't call it stealing (not to him), but I would have a discussion about how unacceptable it is.

On his diet: well, you're doing the right stuff. You're making healthy meals, involving him in this, getting him to cook, and trying to offer healthy snacks. But in the end if all he wants to eat is junk - even if it makes him overweight - that's a life choice he is making and you will struggle mightily to change it. And you don't want to end up being disapproving or judgy about his weight.

I would keep working with him to find healthy alternatives to chocs and sugar and rubbishy chocolate cereal. I would certainly try more protein than poor-quality carbs. It's always hard to watch DC making poor choices and knowing there's only so much you can do about it!

I would stop buying treats, stop keeping chocolate etc in the house and sign him up for footie or cycling or tennis after school activities to target the weight issue if there is one. You can only do your best though, you can't force him to eat healthily and to maintain a normal weight. Don't take on all the responsibility, he is old enough and really all you can do is support him in making good choices.

Someone else has already said it, but putting on a bit of weight at that age is normal, all of my boys have had a 'growing outwards' stage prior to growing upwards.

ObfusKate - of course, that's not every day...
He goes through periods of serious growth, though, when he's totally ravenous. He went from a size 5 to a size 10 shoe in the space of a year... (I'm hoping that's calming down now...)

Thank you for the replies. I spoke to him when he came home from school. He apologised and offered to help me make the cake.

I told him if he's really hungry in between meals he could help himself o cereals, toast, wraps, etc and that the treats are for everyone not just him.

I have read all of the messages people of posted here and I just worry about the fact he is putting weight on and I seem to be bombarded by obesity articles/threads everywhere I look. It's just finding the balance I suppose.

Its the binge aspect that would worry me. He didn't take one bar, he took all four and ate them. Possibly in a very short space of time.

I would talk very frankly about that-how unhealthy it is, how important it is for him to try and develop good food habits, and explore gently whether there is anything else going on that he is self-medicating about with food.

Put a lock on the kitchen door and take the key to bed with you at night.

Poor boy.

I used to "steal" choc and bics, massive amounts, from my mum. I also stole pound coins whenever possible to buy myself treats and chips, from the ages of 12-18 I pretty much binged on anything, I had really strong cravings for sugary fatty food.

Oddly I was never fat, or even chubby. I DID grow to be very tall (6ft1) and I remember the always-hungry-feeling, and feeling like a bit of a freak with my appetite.

I read on the NHS site that teenage boys need up to 3000 calories a day. That is a lot more than what you probably eat.

So maybe offer him more food that eh is allowed to help himself to that si not considered "stealing", or even get a "snack box" that he can dip into.

Unless he is very overweight, he probably just needs the extra calories. I did! (I also remember my brother, at that age, eating an entire packet of Sugar Puffs, before dinner, which he also ate).

abbie if you look on this thread, and others, a unifying theme is that those of us with boys this age know and marvel that they eat like horses, hoover up food, crave junk, strip the cupboards bare etc etc. While it is possible the OP's ds has a deeper underlying psychological problem, the vast consensus from most of us would be "This is what the greedy little sods are like."

Uh oh, DS is bad enough already, and he's tiny!

Has he had a growth spurt yet? Do you think he's reached his full height?
Because quite often in my observation young people are starving and thicken out a bit, just before they shoot up.
We are bombarded by very unhealthy body images, and not just for girls. If you watch a Film or TV show from the 1970s you see how different the expectation of what a "hunky" young man was (basically often quite weedy by today's standards).

I would restrict the treats, but try not to make too much fuss, because you don't want to push him into secret binge eating. Do also encourage some form of regular exercise, this will help prevent unhealthy weight gain. Do also encourage him to drink (water), as dehydration can also sometimes lead to binge eating.

Good luck.

I have 2 teenage ds. Ds1 is a stay-in-his-room type, always on his computer. Fussy eater, but doesntbeat liads.

Ds2 is always on the go, does lods of sport, rarely indoors. He ests everything and anything, and could quite easily eat the contents of the fridge. He will get through tubs of humous, packets of ham etc betwen (substantial) meals. I have to tell him what he can and can't eat or he will demolish tomorrows dinner as a "snack". I try and make sure there are options like pitta bread, bananas, bread for toasting, so that he doesn't eat our planned meals.

I think some teenage boys are like this. DS2 is 6ft tall, weighs 11 stone and is pure muscle. I think he needs the calories.