Ds stealing food

[Chocoholic36]

I hope I have posted on the correct place sorry if I haven't.

My ds is 12.6 he is big built -5ft 7 and a size 9 shoe already. The problem we have is food. He has always been a fussy eater, we had problems when he was little and he has only just started to grow out of it. All he wants to eat is crap.

We don't have much in the house - a few penguin bars in the snack tin, along with dried raisins and apricots, little bags of nuts etc. the fridge is full of fruit, veg sticks, dips etc. there is always a cake in the tin for lunch boxes.

The problem is that unless it's his favourite meals - pizza, korma, pasta (I make it all myself to try and make it healthier) he just picks at it. He then whinges/tantrums that he is hungry. I offer fruit, veg etc but he wants 6 penguin bars!!

I went in the baking cupboard today to make a chocolate cake for a friend and the 4 bars of chocolate is gone! I only bought them 2 days ago. I checked his room and didn't find anything. Ds3 dropped his book down the side of his bed when he went under his bed to get it he found the wrappers. I know it wasn't ds3 who took them as he has a intolerance to chocolate.

I am so upset that he has done this again - he has done it lots of times now. We grounded him, shouted, talked to him and I don't know what to do. He is at school now so doesn't know I have found the wrappers. Dh and I just had a row as he told me not to mention it to him and there is nothing we can do now and that I should hide the chocolate next time - I am a bit why the hell should I??

So really I was after a bit of advice on what you would do? He has breakfast, snack, lunch, after school snack, dinner, pudding and supper. I try to offer healthy versions as he is putting on a bit of weight but I am struggling so much please help.

I'd call it stealing too but it doesn't really matter what it's called does it.

I would be really cross with him as he has eaten something that was intended for his siblings. It's more than just being 'greedy' I would clearly explain what will happen if he does it again. I would be even more cross about the lying.

(Sorry in advance for rambling thoughts .... )

Can you get him to come shopping with him so that he can suggest other healthy food to have in the house. My DCs always asked before they had snacks up until the were 14'ish (approx. - can't quite remember).

Do you think he is eating too many snacks and is ruining his appetite? Even if they are healthy ones?
I rarely gave my kids snacks when they were younger but I found that they needed them when they were teens. I was constantly astounded at how much the boys could eat. Are you sure he is eating enough at meal times? My skinny teen boys could eat heaped plates full of pasta and then more.

They need the fat in the junk to make them grow.

Whatever did they do before junk food?

When you are hungry, an apple just doesn't suffice.

My teens have all gone through phases of what seems like extreme hunger. It is normal.

I would not class this as stealing, IMO if this is stealing, then what you are doing is withholding food. Does that seem fair to you? I would guess not.

I am not suggesting that you are starving him, but he clearly needs more food than he is currently 'allowed' to have.

They ate meat, Owl.

I have a box of things they are not allowed to touch, mainly lunchbox stuff.

I have lots calorie rich snacks, crackers and cheese, nuts, tortillas and hoummous and stuff.

A large proportion of our family meals are homemade versions of junk; burgers, curry, spicy chicken, kebabs, Mexican, Chinese type stuff. Pasta is also popular but has to include lots of protein or they are starving again.

My kids are just not that enthused by little piles of plainly cooked vegetables. They will eat them cooked up in the main meal though, and they eat lots of salad and fruit.

When all of the kit kata went I punished them all by taking away the 'screens' until someone owned up. Ds1 finally admitted it to me 3 days later when he was bored of having no xbox.

Ok this is crazy. Whatever you think about food, all three kids being indefinitely grounded over a bunch of kitkats is just bonkers.

You've created a situation in which he feels he has to lie.

OwlCapone

In the good 'old days they still had plenty of high fat food.

A few egs, dripping sandwiches, lard, full fat everything, suet pudding, lots of butter and fried foods.

I am not a fan of junk food though.

They ate meat, Owl.

So, they don't actually need to eat junk then.

The OP is not withholding food . She is withholding sweets and chocolates.

One of the most hurtful things my mother ever said to me that was I was stealing.

In my case it was a book, not chocolate. I had asked her if I could take it away to college to read, and she had said no. (She had obviously gone through the contents of my rucksack to look for it.)

If there is a real problem re chocolate, I would suggest not buying it until the last moment before it's needed. Does your son have enough pocket money to buy himself a bit of junk food.

Sounds as if the conversation is being complicated by puberty/need to assert own identity etc

I also have a two bits of crap a day rule (by crap I mean biscuits, cake, sweet pudding). They get one in their lunchbox, they can choose when they have the other one.

I think that probably sounds quite controlling compared to most people on here. I'm very much into trying to cut the sugar though; everyone in our house is slim but DH and I both have very obese siblings with diabetes at a young age.

I tend to get a sackful of 'teenfood' in consisting of sliced bread, peanut butter, baked beans, pot noodles and pizza - they are like locusts!!

The OP is not withholding food. She is withholding sweets and chocolates

Her son is seeking carbs/fat, that doesn't appear to be on offer;

We don't have much in the house - a few penguin bars in the snack tin, along with dried raisins and apricots, little bags of nuts etc. the fridge is full of fruit, veg sticks, dips etc. there is always a cake in the tin for lunch boxes

All those things are great, particularly with smaller children, but older children/teens need to eat more substantially.

I have 2 food Hoover's, I only buy junk on specific day in just enough amounts and hand it out . However there is always slot of other 'healthy' food for them to help themselves to and at 12 I would call it independence feeding themselves not stealing :)

Obviously, dinner is also on offer! Not implying that the above is all he is given!

Your son is growing fast - he needs more food as he is constantly starving!

My DS was the same size at 12.6. He is now 13.4 and 5foot 10 and size 10/11 trainers. He eats for England. Sometimes he raids the cupboard (like his teen sister who is tiny!) and sometimes he makes toast and peanut butter. It is not stealing!

If you are concerned that he is choosing to eat junk, then you need to make sure that you have lots of filling snack food readily available that you feel is a more healthy choice, that he is able to go and choose as and when he needs it. Fruit is not filling, but obviously should be part of a balanced diet.

Nigellas and bigTilly have the right idea, buy a tonne of food you don't mind him eating. Wholemeal bread, peanut butter, beans and other revolting things in tins - that ravioli stuff - noodles, cheese and ham for sandwiches. At that age I, an 8 stone, 5'4" girl, was eating three meals, including hot school lunch with a pudding or two, plus a sandwich after school, and biscuits and milk after dinner.

Surely cereal +/- milk is a reasonable source of carbs/fat. It doesn't sound like the kid is at risk of starvation.

I'd be very unhappy with a child taking food they knew wasn't for general consumption. I think if they know it isn't intended for them to eat, it is stealing- from the other members of his own family. If one person eats all the Kitkats, no-one else gets any. Not nice. And hiding the evidence is simply dishonest. It doesn't sound like the OP's son has a particularly healthy attitude to food, and I can see why the OP is concerned. I stole food as an older child/teenager, but that's because I was selfish and greedy, and then later developing an eating disorder, not because I needed more carbs/fat. I do wish my parents had identified and dealt with the issue early on, but I'm not sure how they should have done that. Unhelpful, sorry.

And this supposedly desperately hungry growing lad, who OP is cruelly depriving of shite "substantial" snacks, just picks at meals unless they're his favourite. Doesn't sound starving to me

Do you eat food you don't like?

On what planet are nuts and dips (assuming houmous or guacamole or something rather than salsa) not substantial?

Planet hungry teen.

at 12 I would call it independence feeding themselves not stealing

This.

Nuts and dips... DS (14) would eat a 500g bag of nuts, dump the contents of a pot of houmous on a baked potato, and 30 minutes later be wondering when dinner is going to be ready... (seriously, we consider it an achievement when he says he's "full").

Do you eat food you don't like

Interesting question... - we're teaching our DCs that as part of growing up, you do sometimes as an adult, need to eat things you're not that keen on - whether for good manners or good health.