under arm shaving for being bridesmaid

[Jojaney]

My 14 year old daughter is being a bridesmaid this summer. She has mousy brown hair under her armpits. I suggested she shaves them this summer but she dismissed my idea and seemed quite offendec by my suggestion.

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance? I am concerned she will look ridiculous.

[ExcuseTypos]

knee I don't always remove leg or arm hair. I would for. A wedding though as I've been brought up to believe it would be wrong not to.

As I said though I'd be very proud of a dd who wouldn't shave.

[MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic]

Some of these responses are disturbing. Particularly the ones that seem to say forcing her is fine and dandy. Shame on you.

It's been suggested, she's declined, end of matter. Maybe she'll decide to wax or shave, maybe she won't, it's not up to you OP.

[KEGirlOnFire]

I'm another one (sorry) who would tell her to shave. It's just one day!! After that she can let it grow long enough to plait it if she wants!

I wonder though if she gave a reason for why she didn't want to shave them?

I was about the same age and was in a pantomime (I was a dancer) and my Mum told me to shave under my arms, but I didn't want to.

But it was actually because I was scared a razor would cut me and it would hurt. When I finally admitted that that was why I didn't want to do it, my Mum showed me by running the razor along the inside of my arm near my wrist, to show me that it didn't hurt.

[babyboomersrock]

I can't believe how many of you would encourage/bully/compel your teenage daughter to do something to her own body purely to ensure that the bride's photos are a hair free zone. What is wrong with you??

Hair is not dirty or ugly. Your perceptions are skewed, that's all.

Someone mentioned the 50s - ironically, most women would not have felt the need to remove body hair back then. Where has our confidence gone? It seems we feel confident only when every inch has been shaved, our skin tone and hair colour unnaturally altered.

I hope your daughter is strong enough to resist the pressure.

[OnlyLovers]

Is the bride planning an official photo of the entourage's armpits?

I might see if DP wants to get married just so we can have an armpit photo.

[Idontseeanyicegiants]

Although you make a good point about it being a bit scary the first time you shave KE - the idea of taking a sharp razor to your skin is a bit intimidating at first, I disagree that anyone has the right to tell a girl she must do it.
We spend so much time letting our daughters know that they have ultimate control over their bodies, that they can if they choose to, dye their hair, get piercings etc (with guidance on the pros and cons), that they don't have to follow traditional forms and conventions of beauty, how can we then turn around and tell them that they are only there to look pretty for the day, they have no other function and that disgusting hair under their arms has to go?
It's a contradiction too far.

[AirConditioningIsMyFriend]

Even in a strapless dress, it is not going to show. Unless reaching up in the air a lot even holding a baby etc it's not going to show

[mumeeee]

I wouldn't force her but suggesting she might like to shave is another thing. If her bridesmaids dress is sleeveless some people might make negative comments and she may feel embarrassed. However if the dress isn't sleeveless then nobody would notice.

[CaptChaos]

I am finding it really really hard to understand how the minute possibility of having a stray armpit hair in a photo trumps a 14 year old girl's bodily integrity.

Her body, and whether or not she has hair all over it, is her business and NO ONE ELSE'S.

The people saying to force this young woman to shave really need to think about what messages that gives her about her self worth. This has fuck all to do with being PC, unless it's now only PC people who care about women and children's self worth?

And to the ones making comments like 'I hope all the PC people don't shave' because that has anything whatever to do with this young woman's decision No, I don't shave my armpits, legs or anything else. No one notices or comments, because most people simply don't care what anyone else looks like.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

If I were the bride, I would be really upset if someone had hairy armpits in my photos.

That is the funniest (aka stupidest) thing I've read on here for a while.

You'd be really upset?! How on earth do you navigate daily life? It must be drama upon drama for you.

[ExcuseTypos]

If I were a bride I'd be really upset if my 14 year old bridesmaid had been forced to shave her armpits.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Will the best man have to shave his chest or armpit hair if it's dark and potentially visible through his white shirt? Will he be made to do so?

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance?

Whose else would it be?


At least the guy trolling about his girlfriend's mustache made a tiny bit of effort OP.

D- at best.

[iK8]

FFS it's her body and her choice. You can explain it is a social convention for most women to shave in this country, you can even make a razor and shaving cream available but you must then leave her be to make her choice and support her.

Teaching our children to have respect for and autonomy over their own bodies is practically rule #1 of parenting.

[IvyBeagle]

Get her some hair removal cream etc and leave her to it. If nearer the time you feel you need to have a chat about it.

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

BTw taking away somebody's right to do what they want with their body "and making them" isn't un pc. It's abuse and those of you advocating it are massive cunts.

MNHQ can delete this if they like but they should probably start with deleting those comment saying you should force a girl to do something with her body.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

I can't believe how many of you would encourage/bully/compel your teenage daughter to do something to her own body purely to ensure that the bride's photos are a hair free zone. What is wrong with you??

This ^ a million times.

Also LOL at the idea that there is a 14 year old girl in the UK in 2014 who is somehow unaware that body hair removal for women is considered mandatory.

[bigTillyMint]

It is obviously completely her choice. As long as she is wearing the outfit that the bride wants her to wear, then beautifying/make-up is up to her.

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

Is this for real? I notice that the OP hasn't been back to the thread.

However, to answer it seriously, I intend to teach my daughters that they have autonomy over what happens to their bodies. I honestly cannot understand why someone would teach their child something different by demanding they shave.

OP - any issue in this is yours. You are embarrassed by your daughter. She has had the suggestion made and politely dismissed it. Maybe you need to think on why it bothers you instead of focusing on fixing her.

[PourquoiTuGachesTaVie]

Would you expect the men at this wedding to all have clean shaven faces?

I shave when and if I want to, not because it's "expected" of me.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Penguins, it appears to be OP's first post, though the name seems familiar.

The post is mild compared to a few of the responses!

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

NOne of you really think that a 14 year olddoesn't know that most women shave? Really?

I would probably say to her something along the lines of - look if you don't want to shave your pits that's fine but people will comment negatively - you will be known for ages as hairy pit girl/gorilla pits etc

That's a good idea. Try telling her she'd ugly and fat too. Why not start a eating disorder while you're at it.

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

Also LOL at the idea that there is a 14 year old girl in the UK in 2014 who is somehow unaware that body hair removal for women is considered mandatory.


Well exactly. The average age most children are exposed to porn is 8. SO she'll be well aware that most women have no hair to speak of. Certainly not armpit hair.

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

BillnTed. I agree, I am appalled by some of the responses, especially those that seem to suggest, or at the very least laugh at, the idea of physical assault as a solution to the 'problem'. It just struck me as odd that someone would post something this provocative and then not, you know, engage with their own thread.