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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

under arm shaving for being bridesmaid

236 replies

Jojaney · 13/07/2014 22:41

My 14 year old daughter is being a bridesmaid this summer. She has mousy brown hair under her armpits. I suggested she shaves them this summer but she dismissed my idea and seemed quite offendec by my suggestion.

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance? I am concerned she will look ridiculous.

OP posts:

PacificDogwood · 14/07/2014 10:32

Leave her be.

I despair at our society sometimes

BeckAndCall · 14/07/2014 10:37

Are there seriously this many people who would wear a strapless dress with hairy armpits?

I'm assuming it'd a strapless dress which would show, otherwise it's a non question.

If I were the bride, I would be really upset if someone had hairy armpits in my photos.

And if the OPs daughter is just a bit young and hasn't realised that this is what the vast majority of women do, and doesn't, then years down the line sees the photos of herself, she'll blame you OP for not pointing out to her that that is what is the norm.

And second the comment that comments do matter to teenage girls......

jessiemummy28 · 14/07/2014 10:38

Does anyone really think guests at a wedding would ridicule a 14 year old bridesmaid for not shaving their underarms?! If that was my wedding and I caught wind of that sort of behaviour I would ask them to leave! Although I hope none of my friends/family would be so pathetic. I also can't imagine any bride I have known asking a 14 year old to shave their underarms.

zzzzz · 14/07/2014 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottiedoubtie · 14/07/2014 10:41

If I were the bride, I would be really upset if someone had hairy armpits in my photos.

Would you? Really? I shave my armpits, but I'm aware it's because I've been socially conditioned into it! It still wouldn't cross my mind to look/comment on a 14 year olds body hair.

The strength of feeling on this thread is really frightening.

jessiemummy28 · 14/07/2014 10:44

And I say that as someone who started shaving my underarms long before I was 14.

BrokenButNotFinished · 14/07/2014 10:47

Perhaps, Lottie, people are really slightly threatened by the subversive eroticism of body hair...

Idontseeanyicegiants · 14/07/2014 10:47

People would force a 14 year old girl to do something to her own body that she doesn't want to do purely so someone else isn't offended or a picture isn't ruined?
Holy Fuck.

titchy · 14/07/2014 11:01

Is the bride planning an official photo of the entourage's armpits?

Sirzy · 14/07/2014 11:01

Why would hairy armpits show on a wedding photo? Even if they did it wouldn't matter

divingoffthebalcony · 14/07/2014 11:02

I fail to understand why a mother having a conversation about her daughter's armpit hair (at 14!) is such a mortifying/despicable thing!

I remember going on a school trip aged 10. I was wearing a sleeveless top and my mum noticed I had armpit hair visible. I started shaving them that day.

I'm also pretty surprised that, at 14, she isn't shaving already. Having said that, I support a woman's right to be hairy (I personally have so much hair it's impossible to keep up with removing it all) but, let's not be hysterical here, would it REALLY be such a bad thing to strongly recommend this girl shaves for one day and then lets it grow back? People will probably notice and it will potentially be more embarrassing for her than that one occasion when her mother broached the subject with her.

Lovingfreedom · 14/07/2014 11:03

Just how hairy are these pits? They are upstaging the bride.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 14/07/2014 11:05

Diving, a conversation about it is normal, people saying they would force the child to shave and basically dismissing what could be strongly held feelings on the matter isn't.

KneeQuestion · 14/07/2014 11:10

This sounds like a phone in question.

Do all of the horrified posters not remove their armpit hair then?

Sirzy · 14/07/2014 11:14

I shave my armpits because I want to. That doesn't mean I believe every other woman should do the same because I do

zzzzz · 14/07/2014 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PacificDogwood · 14/07/2014 11:15

Is the bride planning an official photo of the entourage's armpits?

Inspired idea!

Knee, no, I don't. I don't have much to start off with so concede I have a 'natural' advantage, but I also grew up at a time and in a country where being plucked to within an inch of one's life was not a social requirement.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 14/07/2014 11:21

Knee, sometimes yes I do. I sweat like buggery so I choose to. My daughters will have that choice as well when they get to that age. What I will never do is hand them a razor and force them to do it, which is what many of us are horrified about.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 14/07/2014 11:22

There are no pictures of my bridesmaid's armpits, on account of official photos having her holding her bouquet at her waist. I have no idea if she shaved them or not.

BathTangle · 14/07/2014 11:36

One of my bridesmaids was 14, and her armpits would have been visible - do you know it just never occurred to me to even think about whether or not she had shaved her armpits - maybe something to do with the fact that I was actually quite focussed on the fact that I was getting married.

So the stuff about the bride seems irrelevant. It seems to me to be much more important that the 14 year old understands that if she needs / wishes to remove her armpit hair, she can, and she has the wherewithal to do so without embarrassment or fuss. (And I imagine that this is what my bridesmaid's mother did.....)

Footle · 14/07/2014 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brdgrl · 14/07/2014 11:52

Being a bridesmaid is an inherently decorative role, and it's necessary to dress and present yourself in ways one would not ordinarily choose.
That's a joke, right? I didn't see my bridesmaids as decorative, and I am pretty sure that I wasn't ever asked because of my decorative qualities.
Sure, wear the dress you're asked, that's polite...but altering your body? Can a bride ask her friends and family decorative attendants to lose weight? To cut their dreadlocks? To shave or not shave?
Ugh. Too far, bridezilla.
OP, leave it alone. Your DD may have a think and end up shaving, but if she doesn't, that's her choice too, and it really won't matter.

As an aside, there was a thread recently about a girl this age colouring her hair, and most people felt it was her body, her choice. It is interesting to me that (and I realise this is just an impression, not a quantifiable statement!) people seem more accepting of a teenager altering her appearance to conform to a standard of beauty, than they do of a teenager refusing to alter her natural appearance.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 14/07/2014 11:55

Just checked my wedding photos. I had one adult bridesmaid, both of us in strapless dresses and at no point in any of the pics were either of us flashing our armpits, hairy or otherwise.

ExcuseTypos · 14/07/2014 11:59

I'd be really proud of my dd if she did this.

In fact Dd2 (20) has gone on nights out with her friends(yes she does have some despite often not shaving) without shaving her LEGS!!
Maybe I should have told her she will become a laughing stock. Well she hasn't.

She says she just can't be bothered sometimes. Good for her I say.

OhGood · 14/07/2014 12:00

Oh my God, I have woken up in the 50s.

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