my 15 yr old DD is now living with exH and won't speak to me or answer texts

[jayne321]

my exH and i are divorced and separated for 3 and a half years now and i thought things were settling down. although our 4 kids are living with me most of the time they also regularly see and stay at their dad's. it's fair to say i'm more of a disciplinarian than their dad. my 15 year old DD has always been the one to push the boundaries and about 2 months ago i discovered (walked into bathroom accidentally) that she had had her nipple pierced without my knowledge. i confronted this (didn't really shout) and she promptly went to her dad's....and has refused to come back since. in spite of many loving texts etc she is now not answering my texts. do i now give her space? WWYD?

Keep your end of communication open. Reassure her you are there for her whenever she needs you. Give her space in the sense you don't need to bombard her with texts or calls but something daily just to let her know you are thinking about her wouldn't go amiss.

Oh no Jayne, this must hurt. I know of a similar situation in RL. Dad 100% non confrontational, don't know Mum, but teenage/young adult kids fall out with mum and lodge with Dad, I think your inclination to leave her to come back in her own time sounds like a plan. Do you get on with your ex?

although we are superficially civil my exH and i do not get on. he very much does not have my back...and i fear that he may be indirectly turning her against me...or certainly not encouraging her to come back. if she is happier with her dad at the moment then i can accept that...but it's her constant ignoring me (i've only been texting her about 2 - 3 times a week which she has mainly ignored), it feels very much like she hates me at the moment...which is so hurtful. her siblings are as exasperated about her stubborn behaviour and i feel like i'm banging my head against a brick wall.....

Ah, no, how awful. If he is turning her against you there isn't going to be very much you can do, they are fueling each other really. Somehow...and I don't know how, there needs to be a way that you and her siblings who remain with you focus on some positives and try to stick together. Plan some days out, enjoy yourselves, whether or not sure is present.

She is present.....that should read!

thanks frames,,,,think i'm just gonna have to be patient and ride the storm....give her some space but let her know i'm there for her if ever she needs me.....