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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old and job

13 replies

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 05/07/2014 13:20

Advice needed please...

My DS is 16, he had a paper round 7 months ago which he only did for 2 weeks because "it was too early!". Three weeks ago he got a part time job in a fish and chip shop, but has been sacked because he had no money to get there. He didn't even call them to say he wasn't coming in! He said he was scared to call (understandable but no excuse) I made him call them the next day, not without resistance I hasten to add.

He has no work ethic whatsoever, despite watching me and his older sister (lone parent) work long hours. He has only applied for 6th form which he probably won't get into due to poor input for his GCSE exams.

I will not give him any money or allow sleepovers etc. Am I doing the right thing here? I'm tired, drained and desperate for advice.

OP posts:
OutragedFromLeeds · 05/07/2014 21:07

It's a really tricky one, but I think all you can do is not give him any money/buy him anything non-essential to encourage him to earn what he needs.

Is he good at home? Is he doing his fair share of chores? Maybe explain that he will need to take on more jobs at home as he is the only one not working?

CatKisser · 05/07/2014 21:08

Can eh get in somewhere that will take on 16 year olds but has potential for advancement? I worked for Tesco when I was 16 while at sixth form and i loved it!

WaffleWiffle · 05/07/2014 21:13

I was a lifeguard at 16, great job.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 05/07/2014 21:20

I think being 16-18 is shit. (I have a 16y DD).
One moment your a child getting detention for not doing HW and wearing the wrong shoes.

Then bang, everyone thinks your adult with a job who can afford adult prices. Hmm except you can't drive, there is no public transport and a job will probably pay little more your parents petrol.

Then in 8 weeks time DDs back at school, back in uniform and back being treated like a child.

It's shit and you can't even have a drink.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 06/07/2014 00:48

I agree with all the replies so far! It is rubbish being 16, and I've been very mindful of that. It's all been handed to him on a plate (by me) so I guess I'm reaping what I've sown.

He has registered online for various places and given a few applications in,but it's me pushing. I will help where it's needed but I shall withhold priveliges.

OP posts:
missnevermind · 06/07/2014 00:53

We are in the same place Williever. Except yours got off their arse and managed to get 2 jobs.
Mine is still wondering why all future employers are not contacting him through Xbox to throw jobs at him.

mathanxiety · 06/07/2014 05:49

How did he think he was going to be able to do the chipper job if he couldn't get there? Could he not have asked you for busfare or whatever it was that kept him from turning up? There is a lack of sense and ability to plan, and realism there.

Same goes for the paper delivery thing -- how come he didn't realise he would have to get up early to do it?

I would withhold money and sleepover privileges.

If he gets another job he should have to sit down with you and work out the logistics, agree with you that he must talk with you about what support he may need to keep the job (if he needs busfare, to get there, a wake up call in the morning, or a lift home late at night, etc) and that he owes the employer a phone call if he is late or not able to get there and he must make those calls in a timely manner. You need to make a solemn deal with him on these non negotiable items. He needs to pull up his socks and behave like someone in training for adulthood, which he is.

Fair play to you for keeping on pushing him. If he seems really shy about pushing himself then make him pull more than his weight at home and don't let him off with half done jobs, excuses, etc. Make home a bit less cushy in other words. Most jobs for teens are pretty crappy and few pay well, but in the end the teens who have put up with a few weeks of ego bashing every summer will probably fare far better than those who have not been pushed out to make something of themselves. They will at least have references to call on when they look for better jobs.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 06/07/2014 15:06

math I had been dropping him there, but on this particular day I was at work. He knew that and I had reiterated it over and over, he assured me all was well (he had used the train before) so I thought I had done my bit.

We have had so many talks on the subject of taking responsibility, and planning/logistics etc, unfortunately, over the years, I have indulged him, and he expects me to pick up the pieces.

I think I have done everything in my power to instill the fundamentals in him, and I will continue to help/encourage but not to 'do'.

My future mantra will have to be 'firm but fair'

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 06/07/2014 22:53

Firm and fair is good.

What holds him back from communicating with the employer or with you when a problem comes up I wonder?

ElephantsNeverForgive · 07/07/2014 09:03

I should think hese really nervous of ringing his boss.

Schools now give DCs no practice at this sort of thing.

We often plea bargined HW and talked our way out of detentions right from Y7.

DD1 still had me writing notes for undone past papers in Y11, despite having a water tight excuse.

In theory this leads to better and fairer school disapline, in practice it leads to DCs who are used to getting others to do their talking for them.

ChillySundays · 07/07/2014 13:51

At least you made him call and didn't call yourself. My DD19 is amazed the number of people where she works who have their mummy call in sick.

Original poster
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 08/07/2014 00:10

Ok so... I made him iron his uniform and take it back to the shop. He was very reluctant/resistant. I explained that he should go and face the music and leave dignified with self respect intact! I assured him I would be there (outside in the car) in case of any intimidation by older members of staff.

He did it and I praised him for his courage as I knew it was so scary for him. But life is not easy is it?!

Like a lot of young people these days DS life revolves around social media and a virtual world, his communication skills are poor with adults. I was hoping the chippy would help,and it was albeit brief!

He is now onside and actively seeking work, but I will be covering every eventuality in detail.

It is very unfortunate that schools invest so heavily in academic results but no attention is paid to fundamental life skills, money being one. Youngsters know nothing about bank accounts/savings/mortgages/council tax/utilities. How to budget etc. these are basic life skills.

I am learning more and more what I need to teach him.

Thanks for all your replies.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 08/07/2014 01:41

I think all of that is up to parents as things stand.

If he gets a job he can get a bank account for his earnings.

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