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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Do you allow teenagers to have sex under your own roof?

84 replies

Tappergirl · 23/06/2014 16:46

I have 2 step children who live with us, girl of 18 and boy of 16. This is however not a step parenting issue. I work close to home and often pop home at lunchtime. SD had said she was going out with BF today (she has finished college now), but clearly they were up in her room when I went home at 1pm. The house was quiet so I though I was alone until I heard movement upstairs in her room, and a "foreign" pair of shoes downstairs.

Is it just me or does anybody else feel uncomfortable about teenagers having sex in your own home, whether they are bio or step children?

I know both of them are old enough (SS has a girlfriend who comes to visit occasionally) but I don't really agree with it happening, especially when husband and I are not there. Am I being a prude?

OP posts:

BanjoKazooie · 26/06/2014 01:02

It doesn't bother me at all as long as my DC are in long term relationships. They have all been over 17 when they have bought boyfriends/girlfriends over which makes it more acceptable. I've also always liked their boyfriends/girlfriends too which has helped.

They have asked permission and been polite about it. I don't think the fact they have sex is my business really. I'm just happy if they are happy as long as they are being responsible

As your DSD is 18 I am not sure why you would be uncomfortable. Are you uncomfortable if other adults with partners stay in your home.

Three months isn't a long relationship but it not a quick fling either. Is there more to this or is it just the sex?

Original poster

Tappergirl · 26/06/2014 01:22

Banjo, its the fact that she thinks that it is the norm in this household. I dont agree, as I think we should lay down some guidelines. Well I do, as this is not a "quick stop one shop". I have morals, I am not religious, but she is, which makes it quite ironic really.

This is my home, has been for 7 years, she has been 1.5 of those years, and she seems to treat it like a hotel, which it is to her at present. I think there should be guide lines, I do not like NIMBY. I am not a prude, but I think there should be guidelines.

If I am coming home for lunch every day, I do not want to encounter inflagrante going on in my own home at 1pm. Sorry, but the thought repels me.

It may not happen every day, but I do I have certain guidelines. At the age they are, I am sure they would not be sh*ging behind the town hall, bike rack, in the playground etc. This guy does have a home too, and I am sure they have taken advantage of that as well.

OP posts:

nooka · 26/06/2014 01:56

I had sex with dh at his house and at mine as a teenager. I didn't feel I was taking advantage either way, what an odd idea. We used our bedrooms, which is a fairly normal place for having sex. At his parents they were totally relaxed about it. At mine they were totally up tight. The result was we spent a lot more time at his house and my parents were sad that I wasn't home much. What a surprise!

OP your guidelines would have to be agreed with your dh, and as he doesn't appear to have a problem I can't see any progress being likely. Your step daughter thinks it is normal to have sex with her boyfriend in her bedroom when the house is empty because it is. You didn't catch them inflagrante, as you are just inferring that they were having sex, you didn't catch them in the act. It's not immoral nor does it show a lack of respect, and if they were in her room it has no impact on your privacy either.

It's OK to be prudish and not like the idea, but they are adults and it is her home too, even if you'd prefer it wasn't.

VenusDeWillendorf · 26/06/2014 03:30

OP why don't you make them two steaming mugs of tea and bring it up to them, knock own the door and bring it in.

That way you can sit on the bed and chat and get to know your Dds' bf while they wait for it to cool down enough to drink.

Sex always makes me gag for a cuppa.
Indeed, according to my DH, my MIL always made my DH's early GFs a cuppa, sometimes she'd even bring up a plate of biscuits. [biscuits]

Hakluyt · 26/06/2014 06:22

So if it's a moral issue, are you objecting to her having sex at all?

Original poster

Tappergirl · 26/06/2014 07:31

Well this thread is going no further with me as I have made the decision to leave my husband. And no it's not due to his daughter having sex in our home. It's down to his lack of decent husbanding and he makes me feel ill. All I want to say is that a fair number of you have provided no support whatsoever. But then you don't live in our house or know the whole situation do you? Some people think 18 is adult, in this case I disagree. And regarding my husband, no he doesn't have a problem because he sticks his head in the sand with any domestic matter, which is why our relationship is in tatters.

Over and out.

OP posts:

weatherall · 26/06/2014 08:44

Tappergirl- given your posts on various threads I think this is the best decision.

SirChenjin · 26/06/2014 10:02

Tapper - I'm very sorry to hear that

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla · 29/06/2014 15:28

My mum used to say "NOT under my roof!!!" but I still did. DPs mother doesn't seem bothered and we're all adults now (not moved out with DP yet, still live at home w/parents) but she only minds if she can hear s and/or we don't put something behind the door. Parents DO mind.

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