Best lines from teens (lighthearted)

[3catsandcounting]

"You think you're funny, but you're not"!!
(Oh, but I am, I'm hilarious!)

Tinkly your DD1 will go far

My dd to me "you are so childish"
"Please grow up"
"Please act like a mum"

Bless!

She's a good girl. Im not.

I'm lecturing DD about something minor.
DD starts looking around her wildly.
Me "What are you looking for" exasperated at the distraction.
DD "Someone that gives a fuck"

Cracks us both up every time,keep falling for it but then sometimes I get her

I LOVE teenagers!

I do as well stay - fucking hard work, but so worth it

Oh dear Karl - have I committed an MN crime?

DS to me yesterday (it was baking hot and I had just a t shirt on, popped downstairs to get washing in)
"Mum please don't tell me you are going in the garden wearing that, we have standards"
Tells me not to watch 'inbetweeners' with him as he couldn't bare to see me embarrassed
And " mum wear something normal to my assembly please, and don't sing"

"THIS is the reason Im never having children, your life SUCKS" - dd 16, left school, asked to do chores.

"Me and my friends are just going to get a flat next year, and all sleep in one room so we can afford it" - dd 16, earns around £60 a month and is in compulsory education until 18+.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

DD (only just a teenager still) rang me from uni. Where she had been since September. It was March.

"Mum, did you know hoovers need emptying?"

It had exploded.

DD2comes in from school.
Grabs a sticky rice cake and I suggest she gets a drink too. It's hot and she's never drinks enough.

"Mum, stop babying me"

"Ok, ok I know your taller than me, can I mother you instead?"

She nods and gives me a hug.

Still didn't have a drink

My shining moments of glory have always been when they've said 'Mum, you're SO embarrassing' like the time in Marks and Sparks when they'd driven me to distraction so I said I was considering buying one of the picnic size bottles of wine and drinking it on the way home in the car... The man next to me had to pick his chin up off the floor.

I think I've just scarred DS15 for life. He mooches downstairs (probably looking for food), wanders into the utility room to find me and dh standing giggling in our pants!
I've never seen him move so fast...OMG DAD. MUM. FGS...runs away...

We had been hosing in the garden and got a bit carried away so stripped off our wet things before coming into the house, honest.
And that isn't a euphemism either you lot!

DD 1 aged 14 watched me applying makeup and commented, "You are incredibly old, aren't you?"

Made me laugh til I fell over.

That and the repeated demands that I don't sing, don't dance etc etc.

My DD, very nearly 14, moaning about the general unsatisfactoriness of her (black) tights for school:

These are no use, I can see my legs through this sort

I said, wear socks or you go and bloody buy them (sorry, not so light hearted there!)

Disclaimer, she is gorgeous with very attractive legs, can't work out why they must be incased in 100 denier on a school day!!

Dd2 aged 9: 'aww I love that top, can I have it when you die?'

Oops sorry she wasn't quite a teen yet

DD 16- "What are trees made out of?"

Plumnc

I've been wearing a little pin badge with 'Dementia Friend' on it for the last month or so, as part of the awareness raising campaign.

dd(15) asked me if all "my support group" had to wear them in case we got lost / forgot who we were when we were out and about, so the police would know where to return us to.....

When I 'crack a funny' they go in unison 'CRINGE'

My younger brother many years ago - "dad, when I grow up, and you move out, can I keep "

Back

Not a teenager though bloody acts it

Looks me up and down "can you go and get changed please I can't be seen with you looking like that"

Without a second's pause DD1 said, "that's fine, shall we call you and Dad, "Mad" or "Dum"? a round of applause for your DD there

My 6yo dsd already will announce "don't do that because it's, like, sooooo embarrassing".

The teenage years will be a riot, won't they!

I gave DS1(19) a withering look the other day.

He said "Did you know you're turning into Nanny, Mum?" .