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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Would you let your daughter go to this party?

83 replies

MaryRose · 10/04/2014 16:09

Don't know if I'm being overprotective! DD, 13, has been invited to a party by a girl she claims is 'one of her best friends' but in reality she has been shopping with once. I haven're met the girl and she doesn't go to DD's school. I insisted DD showed me the Facebook invite, transpires it is a house party and around 200 kids seen to have been invited. No clue on supervision from adults and no way to find out. Invite also says 'bring your own drink' which could be innocuous...but then again. We are leaning heavily towards 'm way' cue one very unhappy teen which I can't bear. Opinions please?

OP posts:
piscivorous · 10/04/2014 18:06

My DCs are older now but we had a few requests like this. Our experience was that as they grew older, and saw a few hair-raising incidents, they appreciated our stance. DS actually said once, when he was about 17, that he was invited somewhere but would I mind not allowing him to go as even he had realised it was a risky invitation!

Nocomet · 10/04/2014 18:08

No

puffinnuffin · 10/04/2014 18:08

I really wouldn't let her go. There will be lots of alchohol and very ill children.
My sister banned her son from parties like this which have ended up with 13/14 year olds in hospital from alchohol poisoning. Also even when parents are present at parties like this the teenagers have smuggled alchohol in pretend mobile phones and fake objects which can be filled with alchohol.

Coconutty · 10/04/2014 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

17leftfeet · 10/04/2014 18:13

I've just asked my 13 year old if she thinks this party sounds like a good idea

She laughed

Says it all really

PaulinesPen · 10/04/2014 18:14

Not a prayer. 200 to a house party??Shock Bring you own drink and they're 13?

I would probably be watching the local news with interest though.

Original poster
MaryRose · 10/04/2014 18:22

She's not speaking to me AT ALL now which is an improvement. Just dropped her at swim training so she can sulk for two hours whilst watching the black line on the pool floor....hopefully sulk will only last a week or so...pity her dad who has her this weekend!!!

OP posts:
Notmadeofrib · 10/04/2014 18:22

Went to something similar myself way back when (13 was the age for house parties). Police managed to break it up without too much trouble.

The following year about £30k of damage was done to a house in the same village.... sounds like a disaster to me!

Original poster
MaryRose · 10/04/2014 18:24

And yes I suspect if parents are present booze will just be brought in in coke bottles etc.

OP posts:
mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 10/04/2014 18:25

Absolutely no way. I wonder if it's worth anonymously tipping off her form tutor who could contact parents.

spudmasher · 10/04/2014 18:28

You are not alone! See thread here:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/2012094-Keeping-the-lines-of-communication-open

Original poster
MaryRose · 10/04/2014 18:36

Ah thank you spudmasher! I agree on the party to party basis- last time she was invited to a 13th it was at the Working Men's Club down the road, bouncers and responsible adults in attendance, booze banned and admission by a paper invitation presented at the door only. I let her go and it was fine, but the circumstances were soooo different!

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryRose · 10/04/2014 18:38

mynameisnotmichaelcaine different school to my daughter, also they ate on Easter hols here

OP posts:
spudmasher · 10/04/2014 18:40

It's just so hard when they freeze you out, but you're parenting her, and as they become more independent, you're not always going to see eye to eye. It's about assessing risk, and you're more capable of that than she is.
Hope she comes round soon.

Original poster
MaryRose · 10/04/2014 19:18

Just spoken to another Mum whose daughter was meant to go, says her daughter has said she is not going anymore off her own back as there are far too many invited and the Dad is offering to buy them booze if they bring money!!!!!!

OP posts:
Eastpoint · 10/04/2014 19:29

I think you should make a call to 101. I have had friends whose daughters have had to have their stomachs pumped out or have been sexually assaulted at this sort of party.

Original poster
MaryRose · 10/04/2014 19:38

I think I may well do. Unfortunately according to the law as I understand it this father is not breaking the law as an adult can but alcohol for children over 4 to drink in the home. Ridiculous! But yeh, 101 call may be a good idea..

OP posts:
anklebitersmum · 10/04/2014 20:20

I would have thought that he'd be commiting an offence. It says here that it's an offence to deliver alcohol to a minor.

I'd be 101 ing myself-or maybe going in to the local police station to have a chat face to face about your concerns.

JimmysMum1988 · 10/04/2014 20:22

I would def def def say no

Eastpoint · 10/04/2014 20:30

It's an offence to buy alcohol for other people's children.

bigTillyMint · 10/04/2014 20:42

Oh dear this sounds like a party DS told me about where the parents were passing the spliffs to the kids. 12/13 year olds.

FrontForward · 10/04/2014 20:49

I had this with a teen except it was a beach party. First one I have ever said no to. Afterwards she thanked me. Police, fights …the lot!!

Original poster
MaryRose · 10/04/2014 21:16

The law seems to be a bit contradictory on it, it isn't an offence to give over 4's alcohol in the home- and that doesn't specify you have to be the parent. The bit on delivering alcohol also says it isn't an offence if the place alcohol is being delivered to is the home. But of course it is illegal to buy alcohol for u18's to drink on licensed premises or in a public place. Tricky one...

OP posts:
50KnockingonabiT · 10/04/2014 21:58

IT would be a no from me, even at 16 n'er mind 13.

survivingthechildren · 11/04/2014 08:03
  • 13 years old
  • No parents to contact
  • BYO
  • 200 people
  • FB advertisement

I would say no for any of those things alone. Your DD is trying it on - there is no way "all" her friends are going. She may hate you for a little while, but tough.

I also agree with what was said further up the thread, be aware that she may not ask you next time and will pose it as a "sleepover". My DS has definitely tried that one - we found out before the event, and now we have a rule that either DH or I have to speak to a parent beforehand and see a parent at drop off.

They don't make this parenting lark easy, do they?

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