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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

drinking at age 13

15 replies

cheesepleze · 07/04/2014 21:32

My 13 yr. old daughter had 5 girlfriends over last weekend. I went out as I thought there was no reason for concern. One of the girls brought alcohol over in her bag. (FYI kids will bring water bottles with them, filled with a juice/alcohol mix and sip on them, especially if it's a sleepover Next time I will check! ) My daughter denied drinking. I couldnt smell anything but she was acting a bit drunk. She finally admited that her friend brought alcohol for herself and might have slipped some in her drink. I think she's lying but decided to believe her and suggested she ask her friend, who says she did not.
Here's where I'd like your opinions: If she doesn't admit to drinking, should I tell her that Im going to call the girls parents and let them know their daughter brought alcohol to our house? This could hinder my daughter's friendship though. Or I could say it and not mean it, in hopes she fesses up. Thoughts?

OP posts:

Alonglongway · 07/04/2014 22:54

I'd call the other parents in any case. Crucial to keep strong boundaries at this age - I recently read my 13 yr old the riot act over being among a group on the train home from school where 1 kid drank vodka.

Nocomet · 07/04/2014 23:10

What did you do at 13?

We got served at the local disco and smuggled cider to guide camp.

Only worth going ballistic about if it's going to cause major league grief with someone's parents or they have enough spirits to actually get drunk.

DD1 wouldn't have because her best mates mum would have imploded (even though they have the odd drink at home), DD2 wouldn't because she doesn't like booze (I'm sure this will change).

Teens are going to drink sooner or later, so they need to learn to be sensible. They need to understand how strong different drinks are and how easy it is to fuck up when presented with a whole bottle of something.

Getting drunk, leads at best to making a twat of yourself and being sick is never cool.

Nocomet · 07/04/2014 23:14

Honestly at 13-14, if it's only a few sips, I do not want to know.

Please don't tell me, you'll judge me if I don't tell my DDs off and I'd be a total hypocrite if I did. (And the DDs have heard enough stories to know I was being a total hipocrite and would probably giggle).

littlegreenlight1 · 08/04/2014 07:42

wouldn't be happy at that age and would want other child's parents to know.
wouldn't go mental, but seriously not impressed, especially the disrespect of bringing it in to your house, disrespect to your child because she might get in trouble.
mine are 16 and 14 and the older one is now occasionally drinking at parties but as she has a job, she prefers not to so she's fresh in the mornings.
ds 14 not interested....yet!

JohnnyBarthes · 13/04/2014 12:55

I would want to know if mine had brought the booze. He knows I think that I got up to various shenanigans at his age - but he also knows I had a miserable home life, got into trouble and was a bit of an arse, and that I was lucky not to have come a cropper. I can advise him without being a hypocrite, basically.

BackforGood · 13/04/2014 13:09

I would be calling the other child's parents anyway - completely inappropriate.
I would be having serious talks with my dc about how they can say no / what they can say do if feel pressured in any situation.
I would be pointing out that if there was nothing worng with it, then why the need to hide it.

cathyfeather · 13/04/2014 15:51

There are certain times from my teenage years that I am certainly not proud of, which is why I think its so difficult for parents to clamp down on this sort of stuff. We know that in moderation, alcohol is safe to use. However as a parent you have to appear to be responsible, regardless of what your past may hold.

specialsubject · 13/04/2014 18:13

trouble is that children don't know about moderation, and they can easily swill enough to be hospitalised or worse.

if I understand correctly, there's no doubt that the other kid brought booze. So tell her parents that is not acceptable in your house with children.

Nocomet · 13/04/2014 18:53

Then it's your job to be certain your DCs have seen you measure out standard pub measures of spirits and to know you never have more than two or three pleasures until you are much older.

By 16, I was well aware that 5 (measures if gin was it) more and I was silly and likely to be sick.

Because we drank in pubs it ways safer than it is today. We couldn't afford to get drunk. The only time I did was when the new landlord actually obeyed the law and we had to send a mate in for a bottle of cider.

No unhappy childhoods or broken homes, in rural Wales, it was totally normal for everyone old enough to be a young farmer ie 14 to get served cider, shandy and larger.

Pubs that could pretend not to know how old you were were best for gin.

flow4 · 14/04/2014 07:32

IMO the government made a mistake banning kids from pubs: it was better, safer and easier to learn responsible drinking when 14yos were in pubs with adults, than it is now when they're at home or in parks unsupervised with peers. But that's a whole other debate...

I'd want to know if my DC13 brought alcohol to a party, so I'd go on that and let the other parents know. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, but I'd tell them.

I'd be careful about versions of the truth though... Teens are skilled at making sure someone else is always responsible for whatever they've been caught doing: your DD told you the other girl brought the alcohol; she will almost certainly tell her parents it was your DD or someone else. It's not worth arguing about - who can really be sure what's true?! - the important thing is that they all understand you won't let them drink spirits at 13 under your roof (or whatever your rule is).

If you do nothing, I think there's a risk you go on the secret teenage list of parents who tolerate alcohol/spirits at sleepovers.

vestandknickers · 14/04/2014 07:39

You definitely need to call the parents. It is totally inappropriate to be bringing alcohol to a 13 year olds sleepover and the parents should know. Really hard for your DD to say no. Peer pressure is a bugger so I wouldn't be too hard on her but just gently reinforce the message about how dangerous it can be.

Nocomet · 14/04/2014 18:13

or in parks unsupervised with peers. Where the local drug dealer goes and prays on them.

Causing official police letters home from school

chocoluvva · 14/04/2014 20:06

I'd have a chat with the other parents too. If it was me I'd want to know.

In my 'naice' middle-class suburb there are loads of stories of young teens ending up in A+E as a result of drinking too much in each other's houses.

They're very young to be drinking - the younger they are the greater the risk of addiction and/or doing themselves damage. Government advice is no alcohol at all until 15.

bigTillyMint · 14/04/2014 20:23

If it had happened at my house, I think I would feel duty-bound to tell the other parents. If it was my DC that had taken the booze round, I would definitely want to know.

I was drinking in pubs from 15, but as it was measures, we rarely had more than a couple and at the start, it was cinzano or martini snd lemonade

chocoluvva · 14/04/2014 20:33

Midori and lemonade or gin and lime in my case. - aged 17 though. Not 13.

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