Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

my Ds15 wants to sleepover at his girlfirends, she's 13 !

57 replies

DieselSpillage · 04/04/2014 20:51

I have said no way but ds is really losing the plot over it. His girlfirend's mum is ok about him staying over .. apparently he will have a mattress on the floor.. I am Shock that she is ok about it.

It would be interesting for Ds to see a general consensus of opinions on this, as of course I am the mum from hell for saying no...

OP posts:
MaryMotherOfCheeses · 04/04/2014 23:06

I take back what I said earlier.

That's just awful.

90sthrowback · 04/04/2014 23:10

It would be a no from me (mother of a 15yo boy).

I totally get that they could be having sex during the day or in a park etc etc, but a sleepover is just inviting them to.

The difference in emotional maturity between 13 and 15 is huge - is she just 13 or almost 14 and likewise is your DS just 15 or nearer 16 - you have the potential for an age gap varyinig between 13 months to nearly 3 years.

morethanpotatoprints · 04/04/2014 23:13

OP, the mother is basically saying she is ok with them having sex.
I hope this relationship fizzles out for your ds sake. Next year when he is 16 is he considered an adult? Because then he could be accused of all sorts. I would be very careful, it may seem all innocent but do you want to take the risk.
I wouldn't have allowed my 15 year old to have a girlfriend who was much younger, he only had friends at that age anyway.

Original poster
DieselSpillage · 05/04/2014 12:29

She is almost 14 and he is a way off 16 but still....
I know they will find a way to have sex if they want too.. we have a big box of condoms in the bathroom as I have an older Ds and they both have had it drummed into them how important it is to be safe.

I am shocked that the mum is ok with them sharing a room but hasn't taken daughter to clinic or made any effort to prevent her from unwanted pregnancy. She said to Dh if her Dd got pregnant there's no way she'd let her keep it Confused

I have explained to ds that it's not just about sex but about emotional maturity. There's an age of consent for a reason. Where we live it's 15 and with their age difference it's not actually illegal for them to have sex. It still just feels wrong to condone it by letting them spend the night together.

I understand that kids do have sex and the arguments that they are better off in a safe environment but she is so young .. it just feels really wrong to me.

OP posts:
yourlittlesecret · 06/04/2014 13:19

DieselSpillage Sadly it seems as though you are left trying to protect both of these young people as the girl's mother is behaving irresponsibly.
we have a big box of condoms in the bathroom as I have an older Ds
I've seen another poster say they do this, I have DS 16 and 18 and I think it might be a good idea. How did you broach it?

LaurieFairyCake · 06/04/2014 13:26

I am shocked that the mum thinks it's ok for her 13 year old to be having sex during the day

I'd be calling social services.

To protect your son I wouldn't let him be with her unsupervised.

Original poster
DieselSpillage · 06/04/2014 16:48

secret I do feel like I want to protect her. 13 seems such an emotionally vulnerable age. She should be enjoying her first kiss not having a full on sexual relationship.. I feel sad for her to be launched so quickly into adulthood.

I have always been open about contraception with my Ds' . I wanted sex to be a subject that could easily be talked about in my family.

I have taught them the importance of protection. I leave condoms around so they can have a chance to practice putting them on. They know that once a sperm leaves their dick and enters a girl they will have no control or say over any potential outcome, that they owe it to themselves and the girl to be safe. I have also tried to encourage them not to rush into being sexually active, but it's hard when it's being presented to them on a plate Confused

OP posts:
sandyballs · 06/04/2014 17:29

Jesus I have two 13 year old DDs and no way would a 15 year old boyfriend be 'sleeping on their floor'.

I wouldn't even like the idea of them having a 15 year old boyfriend. Like a poster said above, there is a big difference in maturity and outlook at that age.

coldwater1 · 06/04/2014 17:59

No way never.

MuttonCadet · 06/04/2014 18:04

No, and given the mothers attitude I'd be wanting him to spend less time with her. It's not the kind of influence you want your son subjected to.

She's 13, FFS!

midwifeandmum · 06/04/2014 18:06

No chance in hell. ive got 2dds (4 and2) so I have all the bf nonsense to come. But I would not allow it in my house or bf/gf house.

Hubby going grey at the thought of it.

ExcuseTypos · 06/04/2014 18:12

My dd had a friend whose mum was very happy for her 14 year old to have her boyfriend staying the night. She actively encouraged it. That girl is now completely messed up, has self esteem issues and has had a termination.

Diesel's son- your girlfriend is far too young to have her boyfriend staying over night. You both have about 80 years left on this earth, plenty of time to be staying at girlfriends' houses. But not at the moment.
Listen to your mum.

LineRunner · 06/04/2014 18:19

OP, ask your son if he feels old enough to be a father.

hellymelly · 06/04/2014 18:20

13 and her Mum is ok with having sex? I am genuinely shocked by that. My dds are much smaller but no way are they having boyfriends sleeping in their rooms at that age. Sometimes parental rules really help teenagers to avoid doing something they really don't feel ready for. It is so easy for girls to feel pressured into sex and 13 is tragically young imo. Maybe boys feel pressure too, and having a censor can be a help in not losing face.

vestandknickers · 06/04/2014 18:23

No way!

He needs a reason? How about because you are the parent and you've said no!

joanofarchitrave · 06/04/2014 18:25

There was a thread a few days ago from a mother of a 15 year old ds whose 13 year old dd was pregnant.

'No, you're too young and your girlfriend is much too young' sounds like an explanation to me. I think HE should be giving some explanations, if they are home at her house alone and thought to be likely to be shagging during the day Confused

furlinedsheepskinjacket · 06/04/2014 18:26

no no no x 1000000

RudyMentary · 06/04/2014 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RudyMentary · 06/04/2014 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Damnautocorrect · 06/04/2014 18:32

If she lives 5 mins away there's no need for a 'sleep over' other than sex and she's 3 years under the age of consent. So if your sons happy for the consequences of prosecution and the affect that could have on his future.

LIZS · 06/04/2014 18:33

Poor girl , she needs protecting from herself and her liberal minded mum. No is sufficient explanation. Also no unsupervised time in an empty house. You can't prevent all opportunities but you don't have to make it easy.

morethanpotatoprints · 06/04/2014 18:39

I suppose it depends on whether you want them having sex at this young age.
Its ok the mother saying she wouldn't let her daughter keep a baby, but she wouldn't have a say in the matter, it would be her dds decision.
I would be making sure my child kept away from this girl and her immoral family tbh. But I doubt mine would have wanted to have been so involved at such a young age.

BastardDog · 06/04/2014 18:49

As the mother of a 13 yo girl and a 14 yo boy it would be a categoric NO from me and my explanation as to why not would be short and to the point.

Original poster
DieselSpillage · 06/04/2014 20:55

Why hasn't her mum put her on the pill if she's ok with her having sex? Dh suggested to her mum that this should happen and her mum said her daughter would tell her when she was ready.

I know they have had sex because ds told me they had, yet her daughter hasn't told her mum that she's sexually active, even though her mum seems so "cool" about it all. I think her mum is assuming way too much maturity from her dd

She's a nice girl and they are sweet together. I am not going to ban him from seeing her. I don't think that would stop him and at least he's being open and up front with me. I just need to make sure their relationship is age appropriate.

The age of consent throughout Europe seems to range from 14 to 18 which is a big variant...

OP posts:
nooka · 06/04/2014 23:44

I have a 13 year old dd and an almost 15 year old ds. Neither of them will be having boyfriends/girlfriends sleeping in their rooms over night for a while yet (although I might have to fight with dh about that - he's more liberal and I'm more traditional).

I'd be very concerned if either of my children were having sex, they are children and I wouldn't trust them to be always wearing condoms at their ages, and neither would cope with a pregnancy scare. Luckily neither of them are interested at all right now. The closest we have got is that we almost had a friend of dd's stay over recently who we know has a crush on her. I was very firm that she would be sleeping in a different room. Just to complicated!