Self esteem for slow daughter

[Stephanie1311]

18 year old DD is slow academically. e.g. she has still not passed her GCSE English. She is doing a BTEC and is in year 13. In the Autumn she will see all her friends go to university which will hit her hard.

She used to be lazy with school work but she has turned that around.

In recent weeks she has been confiding in us and crying at how awful it is 'to be thick'. it is heartbreaking to see. All we can say to her are things like 'academic success is not the only important thing in life' and that she just needs to keep trying hard.

She is slightly dyslexic but not 'statemented'.

Does anybody have any experience or ideas on how we can help build up her confidence without coming across as cliched. Thanks.

Has she had support from Dyslexia organistions? Is she aware of her strengths as well as her vulnerabilities and encouraged to look at her interests or passions ? . Remind her School doesnt work for many successful people. Jamie Oliver and many other top chefs a prime example, Maybe help her look beyond university - would she enjoy more creative courses art - where she needs a portfolio or the food/design world . I wonder if she has had a full educational assessment which helps her understand why its a struggle at school and what skills she does have. If she really wants to go to uni, she could also consider an access or foundation route in a particular area . In further education, she would not have to compare herself to everyone else in the same way. many teens shine academically beyond school, when they can choose their area of study...best of luck to her

I do sympathise as my 17 yo DD struggles too and I lie awake worrying about how hard it will hit her next year if she finds herself in this situation. She has ADD, low self esteem and depression and it will knock her for six if she doesn't do well enough to get into Uni. Uni isn't the only way to success in life, but it very much seems that way to our kids. Remember you don't have to go to Uni immediately after school - for many people it's better to take some time out to evaluate what they really want to do rather than just doing what all their friends are doing or what their teacher says you should do. There are many paths to success in life and lots of people who graduate from Uni still end up in rubbish jobs (hello - I'm one!) and these days with a shed-load of debt as well. You're right in concentrating on boosting confidence and self-esteem, though I know it is hard when life seems to keep knocking them down.

What are her strengths? Is she great with children/babies/ dogs/ horses/ plants? Try and support her in finding what she loves. Uni is not everything for so many reasons- does she do any volunteering?

Apprenticeships are really improving and may be right for her. Good luck!

Thanks for your messages. We have tried to help her find her strengths and we will keep trying. I do like the idea of volunteering and taking time out to take stock.

She can be really good at practical stuff - help her to go in this direction. Is she interested in baking, sewing, gardening, woodwork, animal care, home decoration, eBay business? Photography, childcare, looking after older or disabled people? Help her to find stuff she can do and she will focus less on what she is not so good at.

I don't know whether I was similar to your daughter - I didn't really try with my A Levels and it sounds like your daughter is trying really hard! I struggled a lot with the work whereas my friends were all very clever, and my tactic was to ignore the work rather than keep trying, so props to your DD!!

I'm learning that I definitely definitely am happier in practical jobs - baking/cooking, nannying, working in a kennels/cattery- all jobs I've done and was v happy doing. I also worked in a call centre (result of crap a level results!) which was the worst 3 years ever, but great in a way as I worked my way out of it being very proactive outside of work, getting work experience at the weekend etc.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry, maybe she should have a could of wilderness years doing all sorts of things (time to take stock, as you say) and things will work out :) I did that and now have my own little business :)

*a couple not a could