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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Withdrawing privileges DS12

17 replies

Rojak · 20/03/2014 23:00

Got an email from DS' teacher yesterday. He had been caught copying homework from another child.

He has received a detention at school.

And I am really cross with him for copying and for not doing the homework.

Had another email from another teacher 2 weeks ago because he had not handed in homework too.

So he has school disco this evening and sleepover tomorrow evening.

Would it be unreasonable or excessive of me to withdraw both those privileges?

OP posts:
midnightagents · 21/03/2014 05:23

I personally think stopping him going would be a step too far. We've all copied home work once or twice, it's not a huge deal. I would make it clear that you're unhappy and that if he does it again your'll be withdrawing privledges. If this is the first time this has happened, and an isolated incident (I.e not been in trouble for anything else this week) I wouldn't be hard on him.

This is just me though. I might be softer than some people, but take the approach that coming down too hard about a minor thing does more harm than good, it alienates your kids and then they don't think you are reasonable even when they've done something serious that needs to be dealt with.

claraschu · 21/03/2014 05:29

I would talk to him about why he is doing it. Is he having trouble with the work? Does he think the homework is boring and pointless? Is he disorganised?

I guess I would ry to help him figure out how to deal with homework better.

He has already been punished at school, and I agree with midnight: most people occasionally copy something.

JeanSeberg · 21/03/2014 05:29

Pick your battles. This isn't one of them.

Original poster
Rojak · 22/03/2014 05:04

Thank-you so much for your replies.

It's hard to know whether I'm being too harsh or soft so good to hear opinions.

He was copying because he's disorganised - forgot there was homework and didn't know what it was and then trying to get it done before the class

OP posts:
adeucalione · 22/03/2014 15:52

Does he have, or could he start, a homework diary? Just a notebook that he writes each piece of homework in as it is set, that you can also check weekly to make sure he's done it all.

Original poster
Rojak · 22/03/2014 22:49

He has a diary / planner from school. And he's not been very organised about writing his homework in it.

One of the teachers has said she will check and make sure he writes in her homework from now on.

OP posts:
Nocomet · 22/03/2014 22:51

And you never copied someone's HW or didn't bother doing it?

Get real, what happens in school stays in school unless it's really serious.

Original poster
Rojak · 23/03/2014 15:43

Nocomet - his teachers - 2 of them - emailed me.

There were 2 separate incidents.

You might prefer for teachers to deal with your child at school but I prefer to look at it as a partnership between the school and myself.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 23/03/2014 20:13

They aren't really big issues - I would talk to him about how disappointed I was that he is being responsible when it comes to homework and ask if he thinks he needs help (discuss and agree what to do) then make it very clear that if it happens again in the near future, he will be in deep shitWink

Is he Y7 or Y8?

Original poster
Rojak · 23/03/2014 22:48

Year 8

OP posts:
Nocomet · 23/03/2014 23:12

Has he forgotten one or two bits of homework or lots of pieces?

I can't concieve the DDs teachers emailing for a first or second offence, German haven't Emailed yet and DD2 has certainly fetched up in detention for German HW.

I think you have to tread very lightly on punishing DCs for minor school stuff.

Teen DCs are very likely to take the attitude of you all hate me, you´re all trying to ruin my life and not talk when you really need them to.

bigTillyMint · 24/03/2014 07:12

DS is Y8 and I'm sure he forgets homework on occasions. He probably either gets away with it or gets a lunchtime detention. If the teacher rang/emailed (similar to Nocomet) I would do the above.

If your DS is genuinely struggling with organisation (as opposed to CBA), then he needs some strategies to help him remember.

cory · 24/03/2014 08:59

For us, what works well is simply to say firmly "well I fully support the school on this issue: you deserve your detention". In fact, that works better than double-punishing as having to have sanction of my own sends the message that I don't trust him to take the school's sanction seriously enough.

HolidayCriminal · 24/03/2014 10:17

DD & her yr7 mates in class rampantly copy work from each other Blush.
yr9 DS gets detentions for missing homework. His penalty, he chooses to pay.

So in my mind, this is evidence of someone grassing your son up, and a social conflict.
My feeling was allow the disco & discretion on the sleepover. I still think success at school is mostly about the social life.

Agree with those that advocated a tone of disapproval, "them's the rules & you knew them!" along with fully backing the school's measures is the right tone to take. Don't need to take it further this time.

HolidayCriminal · 24/03/2014 10:18

oh nuts, just realised this was all decided last weekend, urk...

Original poster
Rojak · 24/03/2014 11:42

I let him go to the disco and he was allowed to hang out with mates but not actually sleepover.

He seems happy and I'm checking his diary to see if he has actually written homework in

OP posts:
MyNameIsKenAdams · 24/03/2014 11:48

Well, he is being punished for copying - he has received a detention. It would be wrong to punish twice for the same offence.

if he had lied to you about it, then fair enough, punish for the lie. But he hasnt.

you will need to be stricter on him at home - check his planner nightly and tick off his completed homework.

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