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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenage son just not bothered about schoolwork

11 replies

Fooso · 28/02/2014 15:52

My DS is year 10. He is a good boy but is predicted an F in his maths next year. He has never really grasped maths. I've had tutors but they don't make a difference, a lot of that is because he won't motivate himself to learn. Tutor walks out, he doesn't open a book. I've been on to the school and they are being supportive but he just won't help himself. He needs to put in extra work and he just won't and I'm so sick of nagging him. Today, he has had a day off(PD day at school0 and has laid in bed all day and not done anything (I've just text him to check). I have to accept there is nothing else I can do - there is no point paying a £100 per month for a tutor if he won't even try... I just know his next steps after school are going to be so tough without maths (he can't stay on and do 6th form there without it)... so fed up and worried..

OP posts:

princessalbert · 28/02/2014 16:03

What does he think he is going to do at the end of Y11?

He can't just leave school - has to have something lined up. 6th form/college/apprenticeship.

Nagging doesn't work, but I understand how frustrating it is to give them these tools and not to even try.

How are his other subjects? Is it just maths that he is not doing well at?

headlesslambrini · 28/02/2014 16:06

I have a year 10 DS as well. We are going down the route of bribery - £10 for a C grade, £30 for a B grade and £50 for an A grade. Just had his parents evening last night and it seems to be working. What I haven't told him is that he won't be getting the money all at once at the end of yr 11.

DS is also interested in habitat conservation type of stuff as his career choice so we have been looking at a local (residential sobs, in denial about him leaving home so young ) college, pointing out the entry requirements for the course. Have also been looking at conservation type jobs to show him that the higher paid ones are asking for degree level qualifications. He would be able to do this at the same college.

I think he is starting to see how his education is going to impact on his future choices. I'm a careers adviser though so I would suggest that you get him an appointment with an adviser as this might help him to see the value of education.

Original poster

Fooso · 28/02/2014 16:12

He's ok at other subjects, and predicted c passes, he doesn't have a clue about what he wants to do. I've spelt it out for him - I've said you are going to have to leave the school and go to the local college and re-sit.. he says I'm doing what you ask - but he only does it when I nag him! I think that's a good idea about taking him to a careers advisor and maybe they will get through to him! I've tried the bribery - just doesn't work he's not that bothered.. grrr He such a lovely boy, but I know how hard it is for them out there and am just worried.. I wish he knew what he wanted to do (but typically all he cares about is phone, laptop etc)...

OP posts:

cromwell44 · 28/02/2014 16:19

I have year 10 ds - he's not the most mature boy on the planet. I gave him merry hell after the last parents' evening and been on his back much more than we ever had to be with his older siblings. It's exhausting though. He's had positive feedback as his grades have improved since he's started to putting in more effort. I've accepted that his self motivation hasn't kicked in yet so we'll have to do it the hard way.

Original poster

Fooso · 28/02/2014 16:21

You're so right - its exhausting...

OP posts:

whereismywodka · 28/02/2014 16:35

yes, yes, yes to all of your posts. We are in the same boat. School has put ds on report - that is actually helping quite well.

RussianBlu · 01/03/2014 00:12

Hello, I feel your pain. I really really do.

Lettucesnow · 01/03/2014 00:37

Careers adviser is the first step as it seems he needs motivation. He needs a target.

Does the school have a mentoring system to encourage SMALL steps and keep on track.

My son didn't engage with school towards the end. Now he works in IT and is very happy and well paid. He did a few labouring jobs THEN realised how bored he was because he was (without wishing to cause offence to other's DCs) 'more brain than brawn' He needed the motivation and this may happen AFTER education. it does for some kids.

PumpkinPie2013 · 01/03/2014 09:10

Hmm he sounds similar to a lot of teenagers tbh although I see why you are worried.

Seeing a careers advisor is a good first step even if just to discuss possible options.

Does the local college have any open days you can go to? I know he's only y10 but again just looking at options might help.

One thing that jumps out from your post is the maths issue. If he's predicted C grades in other subjects but an F in maths I would say he really, genuinely struggles with the subject especially as you say he has never really grasped maths.

Was he workinhmg with the tutor and was it helping at all? If it was it may be worth continuing if you can afford it as he may be finding it hard to work alone if he finds it very difficult.

Can you or his dad do any maths with him? Even just helping with the homework or 10 minutes practise a night.

Did he grasp the very basics of maths from primary? If not then perhaps going through that (or getting a tutor too) will help as it will support the more advanced work.

Do his school do any support sessions or have a learning mentor who might be able to help?

I hope you find a way forward x

whereismywodka · 01/03/2014 12:56

tried something new today: DS was found reading a magazine when he should have been preparing for his math test, so I FORBADE him doing any further homework and revision.

You should have seen how upset he was!!! Hahahaha! I was so much fun!
Suddenly there was nothing more important to him than doing some homework. Funny, isn;t it!

Wilson04 · 02/03/2014 21:45

I sympathise with maths problem. My ds also has tutor which my mum is paying for. He does ok on 1 to 1 basis but is a bit erratic in lessons and hates homework leaving to last minute and major nagging and detention a few times. He may manage D or C. He only seems to like History and English so works better at those even though he is very capable. Science is a big problem. He is immature. It just seems he is lazy, can't be bothered and not motivated enough to want to do which makes me as a parent very frustrated.

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